Before I can say anything else, he moves.
I watch him walk across his dull gray room and retrieve an envelope that was sitting on his desk. He brings it back to me and my hand automatically reaches out to grab it.
Like I have to take everything he gives me.
Like I’m incapable of refusing him anything.
I’m pathetic, aren’t I?
Shaking my head, I look at it. A nondescript beige envelope.
“I was going to leave it with Coach TJ, but since you’re here, you can have it,” he explains.
I frown. “What is it?”
“Application for the Galaxy’s youth program next summer. I filled it out for you. And my recommendation letter.”
My fingers spasm and I look down at it again.
My new dream, my ambition that he gave me a couple of weeks ago. Something that I never thought I could have: a goal.
A chance to play some real soccer because I never thought I was good enough.
Until him.
Until he told me that I was and made me realize that I could do it.
I’d forgotten about it actually.
Because of everything.
And I realize now that if he hadn’t given me this, I never would’ve remembered.
“You filled out my application and gave me a recommendation letter?” I repeat when I look up, feeling… floored.
Overwhelmed.
And in so much pain.
“Yeah. I…” He clamps his jaw before swallowing. “I’ve never seen anyone like you – play like you do. You’re talented, Salem. You’re very fucking talented and no matter what you decide to do with it, I want you to know that you have my support. You have my belief.” He swallows again, the blue in his eyes shining. “I believe in you. I believe that you can go places. Should you choose to.”
I could drown in the blue of his eyes.
I could drown in the warmth he’s causing in my body. I could drown in my love for him. In his belief. Inme.
I could drown and die.
Not only that I could throw myself at him too.
I could throw myself at his feet, wrap my hands around his leg and let myself be dragged through the streets, trailing behind him as he leaves.
Just to slow him down. Just to stop him.
Just tobewith him.
I could do all of that and I could do it all right this second.
The very things I promised that I wouldn’t do.
