God.
No wonder he’s leaving. I just can’t stop saying it.
I just can’t stop telling him how much I love him.
When I came here I thought that I’d simply imply it. But turns out it’s super easy to say it now that the secret is out, and it’s super hard for him to hear.
Because his abs tighten up again.
So I clear my throat and amend the statement. “I mean, becauseI told youthat I love you.”
“And?”
“And you’re leaving two days later,” I almost snap out at him, my hands fisted and my legs wide.
He notices it.
He notices my battle stance and something about that makes him sigh again.
This time though, the sigh works and he loosens up a little.
Making me wonder if this is what he wanted.
To provoke me so I’d lose my calm and become the crazy, dramatic Salem that he knows.
“Again, what difference does it make? I was going to leave anyway,” he says.
It makes a difference because I don’t want you to go, you asshole.
I wish I could say it to him.
I really,reallywish that I could say it, scream it at his face and shake him.
But I can’t.
“If you think,” I begin, licking my lips, “that I’m going to throw myself at you again or declare my love to you randomly walking down the hallway or something then you’re wrong. I got the message. I got it, okay? You don’t want my love. You don’t need it. You don’t know what to do with it. So you don’t have to leave town, the whole freaking state, just because I told you my feelings.”
Okay, I didn’t mean to go off there at the end. I shouldn’t have raised my voice and bent my neck and clenched my teeth.
But I did.
Because how can he just stand there and be all unaffected when I’m going to pieces over here. When I’m shattering andthere’s this epic pain in my chest and I don’t know if it will ever go away.
I don’t know if it will ever stop hurting.
He swallows then and runs his fingers through his damp hair. “Look Salem, what happened that night –”
“Can’t we just forget about it? Can’t we just forget about that night? About what I said?”
“No.”
“I –”
“I can’t forget it.” His voice rises up then. “I can’t forget… what you said.”
His jaw moves back and forth as if he’s crushing my words – those three words that I said to him – between his teeth.
“So this is for the best,” he continues. “This clean break. You go your way and I go mine. Besides, as I said, I was going to leave anyway. All of this was temporary.”
