My heart jerks but I speak calmly: “We need to tell them, Luke.”
He breathes out hard, finally meeting my gaze. “I can’t do this today. I can’t be responsible for ruining my brother’s wedding.”
“But that wouldn’t ruin his wedding, would it?”
“Well if that doesn’t, telling him I’ve been fucking his new baby sister behind his back would.”
My lips part in shock. There are so many things wrong with that statement I almost don’t know where to begin. “I’m sorry,fuckingme? Because that’s all this was?”
Luke’s features twist in agony. “I don’t mean… No. But—” He lets out a low growl and shoves his hands through his hair. “I didn’t want to make a scene at the wedding. You know that.”
“I know, but…” My stomach is full of rocks now, because this isn’t going at all how I thought it would. I wipe the sweat from my palms on my dress. “If you don’t tell them, then that means I’m the only one taking the heat on this and that’s not fair.”
He stares at me, his jaw locked, saying nothing.
I can’t believe this. Is he really refusing to tell them? I’m aware that I should be angry, that I probablyshouldmake a scene now, because that’s what he deserves. But more than anything, I’m hurt. After everything he’s seen me go through today, he’s refusing to stand by me when I need him the most.
A lump lodges in my throat, but I manage to swallow it enough to speak. “I thought you and I had something here.”
He blows out a frustrated breath. “Look, I didn’t plan to meet you. I didn’t plan to fall—” He stops himself abruptly and my heart drops. Was he about to say he’s fallen in love with me? It was only a few moments ago that I felt certain he had, but now that he’s standing here, letting me take the blame for everything, I realize how wrong I was.
“I can’t, Harriet. I’m sorry.” He shakes his head and looks away. As I gaze at him, I know the forcefield is totally gone. It’s shattered into smithereens, dissolved into dust, scattered across the cosmos. The man I was with—the one who got me to go on the trapeze, who showed me the cafe I could have, who made love to me despite all my scars and held me only moments ago while I spiraled out of control—he’s gone. Just like that. And, God, if that’s all it took for him to disappear, then I never really had him to begin with, did I?
With blinding clarity, I can suddenly see what Mel and Geoff knew all along: he doesn’t care. At least, not enough to fight for me.
“I need to get back in there,” Luke mutters, his gaze glued to the carpet. I watch as he turns and enters the reception hall again without looking my way, without acknowledging the hurt he’s just caused.
Tears press at my eyes and my breath comes in shallow, quick bursts. That’s it. He’s just walked away and left me. I’m too shocked to move, to do anything. I don’t know how long I stand there, paralyzed. I don’t know how I don’t fall apart again, but I don’t.
Then, as if in a trance, I walk into the reception hall. My gaze drifts over to where Alex and Michael are cutting the cake and posing for a photo. I catch Alex’s eye and she gives a disappointed shake of her head, turning back to the camera. The photographer gestures for Luke and Dena to pose with the others, and I watch numbly as Luke slides his arm around Dena and smiles at the camera with ease. After everything he just said to me, he’s smiling like nothing has happened. Like I don’t even exist.
Something inside me breaks.
How could I have been sostupid?
I feel a sudden, hot rush of humiliation and spin on my heel. I fumble for my bag and stagger out the door, my vision blurry with tears. The cold night air hits me like a slap in the face, but I don’t care. I need to leave. I need to not be here, with these people who don’t care about me.
Before I know what I’m doing, I’m running. I’m running and I don’t look back.
38
The seatbelt sign switches off and the plane levels out. This time I didn’t bat an eyelash during takeoff, which I’m putting down to two factors: one, I’m practically a seasoned traveler now, and two, I’m too bloody maudlin to care what happens to me at this point. Why should I? I’m in love with someone who doesn’t love me back, and my heart feels like it has been slashed to bits with a machete.
Oh, and I ruined my sister’s wedding, losing both her trust and respect.
The plane shudders as we hit a small patch of turbulence, but I just release a loud sigh and gaze out the window, thinking of Geoff. He was my savior in the end.
After fleeing the reception, I ran from the lodge down the road to the cabin, grabbed my things and was about to call a cab to take me back to the city when headlights swung up the driveway. For a moment I was overcome with joy because I thought Luke had followed me. He’d seen reason! He’d announced the truth to the whole reception! He’d come to declare his love! Oh, Iknewhe’d come through—
I was wrong, obviously.
Instead, Geoff leapt from the car and came running up the driveway, pulling me into a hug. When I told him I was getting a cab back to the city, he said it would cost me a fortune and offered to drive me.
I didn’t know what to say. I think I burst into tears because of his kindness, and he ushered me into the passenger seat. I asked him why he was helping me and pointed out that after what had happened, Alex wouldn’t be pleased. But he just shrugged and said that once Alex had calmed down, she’d be grateful I hadn’t been alone when I was upset.
I wasn’t so sure.
My phone wouldn’t stop buzzing with calls from my parents, and in the end I sent them a text to say I wasn’t feeling well and I’d check in with them later. I couldn’t bear to explain over the phone what had happened.
