“Hi, Joey! Glad you’re finally here. Wait until you see how pretty Mommy is.”
Joey completely agreed. When I handed him to Sam, he melted into her arms, camped at her breast and stayed there for hours. Like father, like son.
Grace and Bella came to the hospital after Sam and Joey were settled into their own room. We set Bella up in the chair next to Sam’s bed and showed her how to hold Joey. After reminding her for the tenth time to support Joey’s head, I gently placed him in Bella’s lap.
“He’s so strong for a little guy.” Bella giggled as he wrapped his little hand around her finger. He didn’t fuss at all and seemed to take an instant liking to his sister. She glanced between Joey and me, and her face fell. She’d been so excited to be a big sister; I couldn’t imagine what was bothering her.
I took Joey out of Bella’s arms and handed him back to Sam. Sam seemed tired and her eyes were getting heavy, but even right after having a baby, she was still the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. It was time to go so she could get a little rest.
Sam leaned over to kiss Bella goodnight as she fed Joey. “Goodnight, baby. Be good for Daddy and Grandma, and I’ll see you tomorrow.” Bella nodded and lowered her gaze to the floor before joining her grandmother in the hallway. I sat at the edge of her hospital bed as I gazed at my wife and my son—life didn’t get much better than this.
Sam winked at me. “Goodnight, Daddy.” I bent down to give her a soft kiss and whispered in her ear.
“Stop trying to turn me on. You know I have to wait six weeks.” She hit me in the arm and pulled me in for another kiss.
Joey was still nursing, but he looked up to tell his old man goodnight.
“Bella was never like this. He dove right in and hasn’t come up for air.” Sam smiled as she stroked the wispy sandy brown hair on his head.
“He gets that from me. Why I’m almost late for work some days.” I kissed Sam again as she laughed.
“See, big guy, we’re already a team! You take care of Mommy, and I’ll take care of Bella.” I kissed the soft skin on his forehead. “Sorry about your middle name, buddy. Mommy’s a sap.” I turned to Sam. “Did Kellan sparkle, too?”
“No, smart-ass, he was a rock star.”
“Hmm, another one. See, Joey. That’s why Mommy’s not allowed to go to concerts.”
“Go.” Sam pushed my shoulder. “You can bust my chops more tomorrow. Get some sleep, babe.”
“Okay, okay. Goodnight. I love you.” I gave my wife and son one last kiss and backed out of the room slowly. I was stalling. I already missed them both.
“I love you, too. Talk to Bella, make sure she’s okay.”
I could have spent the night with Sam and Joey, but we didn’t want Bella to be without either of us for a night. She had been great throughout her mother’s pregnancy and was excited to have a little brother, but we didn’t want her to think we left her for the new baby. I was especially glad we made that decision after seeing her with Joey tonight.
Home was still in Queens. I wanted to move us out of there to start over, but Sam and Bella were happy there. I didn’t want to be the selfish prick who moved his family away just for his own benefit. Even though I made Sam go through listing after listing, I managed to find a great house just around the corner. I convinced Bella easily enough with the huge yard and the possibility of a swimming pool, but Sam still didn’t want to leave her old house. I told her I would have the kitchen at the new house totally redone—complete with the marble top island that Rachael Ray has on her show, and that seemed to seal the deal. Maybe I was being a little petty, but when I put the key in the door, this wasmyhouse—not Marc’s old house. To me, that was worth the time and expense.
“Hey, Butterfly, can I come in?” I inched the door open in Bella’s room. She was sitting up in bed watching TV, and nodded when she saw me.
Bella hadn’t seen nor heard from Marc since he moved to Chicago three years ago, though she still saw her grandparents from time to time. Marc’s mother had a much more accommodating attitude now as if she realized if she pissed us off that would be the last she saw of her granddaughter. I would’ve loved to adopt Bella, but Marc would never sign over his rights. Not because he wanted them, but because his mother would flip at their only connection to Bella being severed.
The Father’s Day after Sam and I were married, then seven-year-old Bella ran home with the project that she made for me in class. It was a coffee mug with decals on it, and with all the stickers Bella decided to include—baseballs, butterflies, I could make out block letters across the middle that saidI love you, Daddy.When she gave it to me, she said the teacher was talking about everything daddies do for their kids, and Bella raised her hand and said her daddy never did any of those things—but “Lucas did.” She said everyone else putDaddyon their mugs, so would it be okay if she called me that. I saidabsolutelyand have been “Daddy” ever since.
Sometimes, blood is bullshit. Bella was my daughter in every sense of the word.
She just turned ten and gets a little more grown up each day, but so far still lets me call her “Butterfly.”
“Want to see the pictures we took?” I sat on the edge of her bed and dug my phone out of my pocket to show Bella the sixty-five pictures I took of the first four hours of her brother’s life.
“He’s really cute. He looks just like you, same color hair and eyes. Everyone will know you’re his dad.” She looked down and handed me back my phone.
“Everyone knows I’m your dad too. Is that what this is about?”
Bella shrugged and stared off into space. “Joey looks just like you, and he has the same last name. You’re supposed to like him better than me since he’s your real son.” Her voice trailed off and she turned over on her side, facing away from me.
“You’re my real daughter; you should know that by now. Where is this coming from, Bella?” Bella and I had always been close, from practically the first day I met her. Joey may have been my first baby, but in no way did I feel like a first-time father today. Bella belonged to me just as much as her brother did. I got the feeling someone was putting things into her head.
“Grandma Jeannie said that once the baby came you probably wouldn’t have much time for me anymore … since you’re not my real dad.”And there it was.I had forgotten what a miserable human being Marc’s mother really was.
