My lips parted to respond, but a knock made me stop. Javier, already on his feet, walked toward the door. Whenever the door made a noise, I’d get a flicker of hope that the person I was waiting for was there. My sister, and once Rory, were always the ones who would arrive, but I kept picturing the tall basketball player I had layers of history with.
Until I rememberedhehad withheld the truth, even though I used to be the one he could tell anything to.Hechose to end what we could have had for a reason I didn’t know.Hechose to walk away, just like he had seven years ago.
Picture my surprise when the man in question showed up at my door.
Millie’s eyes lit up with a gasp. “River!”
River’s hand went up, his eyes showing a strange fear and a faraway look, as he slumped forward. “Hey, Millie.”
My niece’s head cocked to the side, and her nose scrunched in confusion at River’s dejected attitude. Still, she was smiling, and the worry in her eyes had lessened.
Seeing how drained River appeared made my chest tighten. His eyes met mine, and it was as if I was gazing into a raw, unfiltered version of him, his eyes swirling. It was the unguarded version of him that I used to see all the time.
Javier and Eli shared similar looks, their brows raised and eyes analyzing the tension in the room. The silence between the four of us made me shift in my seat, praying not to have to be the one to say something first.
“Hey. I’m Eli.” Eli, with the nail polish brush in his hand, pointed at his boyfriend. “And that’s Javier.”
River glanced at them, and his lip quirked in a weak attempt at a smile. “River.”
“Wouldn’t it be so cool if my name were Ocean?” Millie asked enthusiastically. “We’d be River and Ocean!”
“That would be awesome, Millie.”
Despite how monotone he spoke, his words made Millie’s grin grow ten times wider.
Javier quietly observed the room before he slowly turned to Eli. “Are you hungry?”
He shrugged. “Not really.”
“Are you sure?” Javier asked through gritted teeth. “Millie, are you?”
“Only for pizza,” my niece said simply.
“Let’s get pizza.” He took Millie’s hand, and she stood up happily.
The three of them left, and my friends gave me winks of encouragement on the way out. I clasped my hands together and silently thanked them for taking my niece out of my hands.
By the time the door closed, River was on the couch, one leg crossed up and the other tapping the floor quickly beside me. He bit his nails anxiously, looking as if too many thoughts were running in his mind and he couldn’t keep up.
“I never wanted to ghost you,” his voice wavered as he spoke. “I wanted to make everyone who hurt you suffer, so you can imagine how it destroyed me to be the one hurting you instead.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “Yet, you did it anyway.”
It was like I crushed something inside him. “I thought it was best.”
Unable to take the distance between us anymore, I sat beside him. Only then could I see just how hard he was holding it all in. The inner turmoil was difficult to watch, and I struggled to stay pissed.
River wrestled with his words, unwilling to utter them, but aware of the necessity. “I cause your seizures. You get stressed when I’m around, and that triggers it. It always has.”
My eyes narrowed. “Bullshit.”
“Doesn’t seem like it.” His head slowly turned until his eyes met mine. “I didn’t always believe it, but your parents had been telling me it was true. So, when I saw you all these years later, I thought pretending to not remember you would make it easier to stay away. It didn’t, obviously, but I kept up the lie because I was in too deep, and I didn’t want you to get mad at your parents.”
“Wait, my parents?” I asked, repulsed at the thought of my parents meddling having anything to do with this.
Eyes widening, he cupped my cheek. “Don’t be upset with them, okay? They were just looking out for you.”
Looking out for me? No. More like looking out for the version of me they were so desperate to mold me into.
