“That’s why you cut me off? Not because of the kiss, but because my parents are assholes?”
River’s thumb rubbed gently behind my ear, the action seeming to ground himself more than me. “You thought I acted like an idiot because of a quick peck on the lips in my bedroom seven years ago?”
“Can you blame me? I kiss you, and barely a month later, we aren’t friends anymore.”
A harsh, regretful laugh escaped River, one caught between the water in his eyes he was fighting to hold back. He shook his head bitterly. “I’m such a dick.”
He was so hard on himself. We were kids navigating complicated feelings, so of course our actions weren’t completely logical. I wanted to tell him that, yet the words fell short on my tongue. I was still reveling in the other realization I had come to.
Convincing my at-the-time thirteen-year-old best friend that he was the reason for my seizures was fucking low. They coerced the only person who had my back into ending our friendship for shits and giggles. An action that left me in shambles. That wasn’t out of love and concern; it was out of control.
River sniffed, still moving his thumb against me as he pulled me closer. The only other time I’d witnessed him so upset was when we were nine, and he’d accidentally killed his goldfish. I looked into his tear-filled, unfocused eyes, and noticed his shallow, rapid breaths… His distress wasn’t just about our friendship—it was bigger than that.
“Hey, listen.” I took both my hands and closed them around his cheeks, grounding him. “My seizures come from stress, not from River Moore.”
“River Moore can be stressful,” he whispered. Guilt swam in his pupils. The eyes of someone who had made a mistake and was still blaming themselves in more ways than one.
“You aren’t stressful, Riv. You’re just… chaotic at times. I’ll never fault you for that.” Calmly, I pressed a hand to his heart. “It’s what I’ve always adored about you.”
I found it crazy that his perceived flaws were what I admired in him. Did he know I strived to be like him? Fun, carefree, and chaotically impulsive. Did he know I was only ever close to those things when he was part of my life?
My childhood friend was like a guilty pleasure. He found it hard to make concrete decisions and frequently acted on whims, especially in his youth, and he was the antithesis of structure. A great contrast to how easily I became tense and did exactly as I was told.
But I could never stay away, even if it meant defying everything I knew.
River’s hand landed on top of mine, pressing my hand further into his chest. His chest rose and fell in a steady motion, much better than it was when he first barged in here. My gaze fell on his lips while his hand rubbed along my arm slowly.
He closed the small distance between us with a hitch of his breath. With a firm grasp on my face, he kissed me with everything he had. His pull had me straddling his lap in seconds, and his free arm tightened around my waist with no room for me to leave.
Pressing my lips against River’s was like muscle memory. Our bodies knew exactly how to mesh together like two puzzle pieces, despite only having done it a few times. I assumed it was similar to how easy staying close to each other was when we were kids, always finding ways to cuddle.
“I’m sorry for lying,” he mumbled between my lips.
River lightly bit my lower lip, and I instinctively roamed his muscular chest with my hands. My fingers dove into each curve and crevice like it was heaven, and all I wanted to do was tug the shirt off of him.
My childhood friend had the same idea. He tugged at the bottom of my tee, eyes searching mine for any sort of sign I wanted to. My heart pounded in my ears. I nodded, and we tossed both of our shirts onto the floor the next second.
Now off his lap, River eagerly kissed from my neck down to my chest, and I let my fingers roam in his hair. When his lips made it past my waistband and hovered over my crotch, I felt a jolt in my pants.
“Hey,” I warned softly. “Are you sure you want to do this?”
His big brown eyes peered up at me. “You’re the only thing I’m ever sure about.”
“You just… were a little emotional.”
“Alex.” River’s hand trailed my thigh, sending a shiver down my spine. “Being close to you brings me comfort, you know that? If you’re okay with this, I’m more than okay.”
Fifteen minutes ago, River barged into my apartment in a panicked frenzy that had me thinking he’d just learned the worst news of his life. Now, he knelt before me, hand hovering over the bulge in my pants, looking up at me and ready to do things I used to think would remain in my dreams.
If I genuinely provided him with that level of comfort, enough to make his inner demons disappear, then he could have all of me. It was all I ever wanted to give him.
I nodded, and his lips pulled into the handsomest smile I’d ever seen. He tugged down my shorts and dipped his hand in my underwear at a painstakingly slow pace, keeping his eyes on mine as his fingers grazed my hard-on. It sent a jolt straight through me.
My dick sprang out of my shorts with little effort, just begging to feel the wet warmth of River’s mouth. I gripped the couch and shut my eyes, willing my body to stop asking for dessert when we hadn’t even had dinner yet. Even the thought of River’s touch was enough to push me over the edge.
Feeling a warm hand against my cheek, I opened my eyes and lowered my gaze. River didn’t utter a word, but the determination in his eyes said it all.Watch.
River’s tongue swirled around the head of my penis, making a show of licking the pre-cum off the tip. His tongue glided along my shaft, moving down and then back up, playfully tormenting me as he watched me writhe.
