I looked up at the ceiling as my finger tapped the table repeatedly. “I ran into an old friend, but they’re not speaking to me because I won’t tell the truth.”
Mom was thinking hard, trying to place who I was talking about. “Why won’t you tell the truth?”
I sighed. Because what if it didn’t make a difference? If I told Alex the truth now, after all the mental gymnastics I put him through, would it be too late?
What if the truth wasn’t good enough?
“I don’t know if it will make a difference. I don’t even know if I’m even good for them.”
With a huff, my mother leaned back, her eyes meeting mine. “You’re a good person, River. You’re letting your fears keep you back, but you have no idea how they will respond to the truth. Don’t let it stop you. You miss all of the opportunities you don’t take.”
Carson bumped shoulders with my mom. “That’s what I told him.”
“You’re wise.” She ruffled his blonde hair before turning back to me. “You’re so much like your father, River.”
Glancing over the menu, I said, “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
“Not at all.” Mom shifted in her seat, and once again, the atmosphere took a dark turn. She drew a shaky breath. “Speaking of your dad, I saw him yesterday.”
“Improvements?” Carson asked with a hopeful glint.
Mom grimaced. “No. The doctors are still saying the same.”
Warmth spread from my chest and into my neck. Who turned on the damn heater in here?
She swallowed hard, as though she were trying to repress her words. The chatter in the diner wasn’t noisy enough to drown out the discomfort between us. Maybe I should’ve gone for pizza with my teammates rather than dinner with Mom.
“They’ve started talking to me about next steps,” she whispered. “About what he wanted. About quality of life.”
Carson and I exchanged a worried, knowing glance, and I didn’t pull my eyes off him. I couldn’t look at my mom as she spoke about her comatose husband, especially not when it was my fault he was like this.
Now she was about to share the few words I prayed each night not to hear. The few words that would turn my worst nightmares into reality, rather than ending them.
“I’m not deciding now, but I need you to know we’re thinking about it.” She paused, tears brimming in her eyes as she took each of our hands. “We might have to take him off life support.”
The words hung in the air, suffocating me as they repeated in my mind. I didn’t move a muscle as the waitress placed our food before us. The hamburger didn’t look or sound appetizing anymore with the heaviness in my chest.
I was about to lose my dad. I’d never forgive myself if I lost Alex, too.
Chapter Fifteen
ALEX
“You aren’t going to flunk, Alex,” Javier enunciated his words slowly.
My fists gripped the ends of my hair. “I’m not any good at this, and it doesn’t help that I am now two weeks behind.”
Biology was leaving me in the dust as the rest of the class continued to learn. I was already struggling before, so trying to play catch-up after spending damn near two weeks recovering from two breakthroughs was practically impossible, even with my friends’ help.
“You have a medical excuse, so they can’t penalize you for that.”
I slammed the laptop shut so hard I feared the screen had broken. “Medical stuff doesn’t change the fact that I’m terrible at biology and hate it.”
Eli, painting Millie’s nails purple as he turned over his shoulder, frowned at me. “You ever considered switching your major?”
Many times, but my parents would never let me live it down.
I felt eyes staring a hole through my head, but I didn’t have to look to see whose they were. Millie’s glittery, eyeshadow-covered eyes showed the same worry they had since my first seizure. The makeover routine I asked Eli to give her to distract her from studying my every move was failing.
