I knew the faces I needed to make to match what I should’ve been feeling, but that doesn’t mean I felt them; my father made sure of that.
I knew my thoughts and actions weren’t exactly normal, but there wasn’t much I could do to change that.
The day I met her….how could I ever forget that day?
It was the first time I felt my own heart beat, and it fucking scared me. It skipped in my chest. I thought I was dying.
I wish I could flip that switch in my brain controlling my emotions and turn them off, but I think she broke it the day she stormed into my life.
I don’t know how much longer I can keep pretending.
I also didn’t know what I was going to do if I didn’t find something soon.
Chapter 2
Atlas
I’ve been looking forward to this day for a while now.
As the wedding procession begins to play, I watch my fiancé walk down the aisle in a modern style white satin slip dress. The only reason I know the type of dress is because it’s all she talked about for weeks.
She’s beautiful.
Her chestnut hair has streaks of caramel when the sun hits it just right.
The normal wavy strands are twisted into an updo.
This is probably the most dressed up I’ve ever seen her, but even on a day like today her vibrant, emerald eyes still swirl with pandemonium. I vow to myself to never let that chaos dieout.
There’s a weird pressure in my chest when she smiles at me, but I brush it off. I clasp her hand in mine when she meets me at the end of the aisle.
The officiant says something I don’t hear.
She has my full attention.
I can’t take my eyes off her.
My eyes keep moving over her, trying to memorize every single detail of this moment.
I can’t believe this woman agreed to marry me. Her hand gently caresses my cheek, causing the world to rush back in around us. I give her a sheepish smile before finally turning my attention to the officiant.
We take turns reciting our vows, then the officiant says the iconic line, “You may now kiss the bride!”
My hands wrap around her waist as we both lean in and, right before our lips touch, my eyes snap open, and my heart shatters all over again.
Reality always crashes in when I’m awake.
That dream was new.
Instead of a memory, it was a future I’ll never get. I’ll never get to kiss my bride.
It’s been four weeks since I last saw her and it’s pretty clear that I’ll onlybe happy again if I’m asleep.
I still haven’t told anyone about her.
As far as Gavin knows, she was just a job we couldn’t crack. I also know if I tell my mother what happened, she would probably think less of me because she raised me better than to treat women as I treated Maizyn.
Unfortunately, the longer I sat in my thoughts, the more lost I felt.
