“It’s too late for that, Tia. If you stay away from me now, you’ll make it worse. With you by my side, I’m more determined. If you’re not with me, I’ll be more distracted because I’ll be thinking about you all the time.” His gaze drops to the floor. “Although my coach disagrees.”
“How so? What happened yesterday?”
His handsome face lifts and worry washes over it.
“My dad saw us in the gym together.”
I gasp. “And he doesn’t want me to distract you,” I continue his train of thought.
“Workout was hell. His way of punishing me.”
I hold my breath. At least it wasn’t Charlie. But I don’t know which is worse now—Charlie inflicting pain on me or Victor’s dad inflicting pain on his son.
“So you drink.”
He parts his lips but then presses them into a hard line.
Victor drinks—his coping strategy—to forget me. To numb his feelings. To stop the intruding thoughts about me. To be able to focus.
My mom’s words echo in my mind. “I drink because I can’t stand to be around you.” Victor needs to be freed from me.
“I need time and space,” is all I manage to blurt out before I stomp off to my room.
As I reach the top of the stairwell, a loud crashing noise and a bunch of curse words echo through the apartment. I imagine Victor punching the wall, but I don’t turn back to check.
I lie in the bed with my earbuds on and select Mercy by Shawn Mendes.
When the going gets tough, will he drink every time? And as I drag him deeper into my mess, he’ll get punished by his dad even more. One day he’ll either snap or grow to resent me. I want to push him away, but the selfish part of me wants to be with him.
A sigh of exasperation escapes my mouth.Aughhh!
Chapter Twenty-One
An entire week of ignoring Victor and his sharp pleading looks passes. His intense green eyes hold a promise that we’re not finished yet. I hate that I’m drawn to him. Every time I look at him, I’m reminded of his consuming kisses and greedy touches. He makes me feel like I belong to him.
And I want to be his… but not like this.
In my heart, the peace I experience with him is weighed equally with the fear of being with him. Because if he pulls on the invisible thread between us, I know I’ll dive into his arms. And I don’t know how to stop that from happening. How am I supposed to fight the urge to hold him when Victor’s eyes are like a blaze of forest fire, pleading with me as if he can’t live without me?
He and I exchange pleasantries when we’re in front of Alek and Abi so we don’t raise questions. On Thursday night before he leaves the apartment, he texts me One Republic’s “Rescue Me” song file. I listen to the lyrics intently, wondering who needs the rescuing more—him or me.
I’ll have to go with… me.
School is starting next week, which reminds me that time doesn’t stop for anyone or anything. I have to face Charlie soon and inform him I can’t get his money. The money I earn at my job goes to groceries and now books.
Doomsday is nearing. Two months.
My thoughts are interrupted when Alek and Abi’s voices drift into my room, which means they’re shouting. I dash downstairs. Abi’s arms are crossed over her chest and Alek’s hands run through his hair. They don’t acknowledge my presence.
“You say what you want to say, Alek, but I’m taking this as another sign of you pulling away. You’re not committed, and you’ve been distant and weird lately.” Abi’s voice trembles. She looks like she’s ready to cry.
Alek grabs chunks of his hair and glares at the ceiling.
“I can’t believe you’re saying that. I’m not weird. I’m tired, Abi. I’ve been sleeping on the couch for weeks and I’m ready to move back into my room.”
Whoa.
“I have a whole empty room in my apartment. You promised me our senior year, you’ll move in with me. Now that Lydia moved out—”
