Abi stops midsentence as she notices me. She sends me an apologetic look.
“What’s going on here?” I say.
“Abi’s roommate moved out and you’re moving in,” Alek says.
“The hell I am.” The storm in my chest starts brewing, and it’ll turn into a full-blown tornado if he doesn’t back off. “You can’t make decisions without asking me, Alek. Once again you want to run me over, not caring what I want.”
Is Alek suspecting something about me and Victor?
“Fine. What do you want?”
“I want you to move in with Abi. As you promised.”
“And you’ll live here, alone with Victor?”
I raise my eyebrows. I know Alek is referring to the last time I saw Victor drunk. Alek must now be even more convinced that I need to steer clear of the Bull.
I haven’t thought it through and I’m not sure if I can live with him, just the two of us, but at this moment that doesn’t matter. I want Alek to do right by Abi.
“You always break your promises. I’m not surprised,” I blurt out. “You need to be more considerate and less bossy.”
“What are you talking about?” Alek explodes.
“You’re just like Mom. She told me Dad was coming back, but he never did. You promised you’d come back for me, but you never did. For three long years.”
My words are a sharp arrow piercing through Alek’s heart. Maybe reconciliation with my brother is impossible. It’s better if I lie and spare his feelings.
Now what have I done?
I’m trying to understand him and to a certain extent, I do. He was the one who found me helplessly lying under my attacker and his shock hasn’t worn off. He believes I can’t take care of myself.
I sigh. I’m tired of fighting him. Plus, it’s not a bad idea to put some distance between Victor and me.
I can’t stand seeing the pain in Alek’s eyes. I did that. I close the distance and hug him. When I release him, I ask, “What are you really afraid of, Alek?”
“That Victor will raise his hand at you, possibly while drunk, just as his dad did to his mom. Maybe it’s in his blood, I don’t know. Maybe it’s the example he’s seen growing up. I’m so scared that something could happen to you, Twinkle.”
He blinks and rubs his eyes. I hang my head. I bring so much pain and worry to him.
“Victor is not the real danger, Alek. He’ll never hurt me. But because I want you to worry less, for the time being, I’ll move in with Abi.”
I glance at her behind Alek’s shoulder, hopeful this is okay with her. She’s wide-eyed, but nods in understanding. She’s the sweetest girl and she won’t make this transition harder than necessary. But I worry about her and my brother. And that I’m the reason for their alienation.
* * *
I’m moving in with Abi today. My new room is smaller than Alek’s but it has the same large windows, letting in lots of sunshine.
I sense him before I turn. Victor walks in with one suitcase in hand.
“Where do you want me to leave it?”
“The walk-in closet, please.”
The realization that Victor won’t be sneaking into my room at night, pressing his hard body to my softness, hits me in my gut hard.
He drops the bag on the carpet in the closet and faces me. Victor is standing still, lips partially open, green eyes piercing mine. He looks like he wants to talk to me, but no words come out.
I’m frozen in place too. My brain tells me to stay put, but my body longs for him. I want him. I need him. My heartbeat triples and wants to jump out of its prison. I take a step toward Victor and then another. His eyes sparkle with something.
