“Suck my dick then.”
“No.”
Kaj raised a questioning eyebrow, feeling insulted.
“You can have me whenever and however you want, except to hide from whatever shit you’re dealing with.”
Kaj blinked fast several times, then touched the wall with the back of his head and laughed, not even caring if he was being too loud. The tension slowly drained away, leaving him boneless on the bathroom floor. It wasn’t often that someone turned him down so firmly, especially when he’d offered his body like that. But there was something oddly reassuring about Noah’s statement and the determination in his eyes.
“Look at you, all principled and shit,” Kaj teased. “Where’s the guy who was begging for my cum last night?” he said in a lower tone.
“Completely unrelated. I can be a slut and still have limits.”
“And this is where you draw the line?”
“I allowed you to take out your problems on me once, but that’s not happening again,” Noah said. His voice was so raspy and gritty, Kaj’s mind slowly changed gears.
Fuck, I want to lick that mouth.
“You said you’d do anything.”
“If you need to vent, cry, break stuff, or even bury a body, I’m your guy. When we fuck, it’ll be because we both want it.”
“So what? You’re gonna hold my hand while I cry about my traumatic past?” Kaj internally kicked himself for letting that slip.
“If that’s what you need,” Noah said simply.
Kaj stared at him, frowning, unsure how to feel about all this.
“You’re not gonna ask?”
“About what?”
“What I just said.” Kaj huffed.
“I’m aware something awful must have happened to you. Had that impression eight years ago.” Noah averted his eyes for a moment and swallowed. “Would I like to know? Yeah. We might not bebesties, Larsen, but a part of me still cares. I will always care.” He clenched his jaw. “But you already said you don’t wanna talk about it, so I’m not going to force you to do it.”
Kaj’s mouth hung agape as he stared at Noah. He’d spent so much time building walls, pushing people away, using sex and sarcasm as shields. Yet here was this man, effortlessly tearing through it all, offering understanding without demands.
As the bus rumbled beneath them, Kaj felt something shift inside him, and he allowed himself to imagine what it might be like to let someone in.To trust.
His chest tightened, but it wasn’t the anguish he was so used to. It was something else, something warm, fragile, and new.
Kaj looked at Noah,reallylooked at him.
Their history was catastrophic, but they weren’t the same people they’d been a decade ago. Their separate lives and experiences had shaped them into something different. So maybe,just maybe, Kaj’s psychologist was right, and Noah could be what he needed to free himself from the chains that kept him locked in the past.
“Can I ask you something?” Kaj said, trying to convince himself that this was the product of his still fogged-up mind.
“Sure.”
“What was that with Lee before?”
“Nothing you need to worry about,” Noah simply replied, which, of course, made Kaj frown. “After I finished my studies in the UK, I worked as a producer—mostly indie bands and some small local films. He wanted to know if I’d be interested in joining his studio.”
“Are you?”
Noah sighed. “If he’d asked me at another time, maybe. I loved it, but I also like where I am at the moment.”
