“Go back to bed, Niels. You wake up way earlier than us. I’ll take care of him.”
“You sure?”
Kaj had his forehead pressed to his knees, but he could perfectly hear the hesitation in the manager’s voice.
“Yeah. Don’t worry.”
Niels sighed. “Okay. There are some stomach meds in the cabinet above the coffee machine, in case he needs them.”
“Thanks.”
Why the fuck are they talking like I’m not here?
Without saying anything else, Niels retreated to the sleeping area and Noah walked barefoot in the opposite direction. There was a faint rustle to the left, behind the door that separated the bunks from the rest of the bus. Cabinets opening and closing drifted from the right. Meanwhile, Kaj remained huddled on the bathroom floor, muscles still gripped by the terror refusing to dissipate.
As Noah padded back, he stopped in front of Kaj by the open bathroom door. The crackle of plastic wrap filled his ears, making him lift his head just enough to see Noah lowering himself to sit cross-legged on the floor, his frame crowding the corridor almost completely.
“Here,” Noah said, holding out a bottle of water and a sleeve of crackers. “Small sips, okay?”
Kaj’s hand trembled slightly as he reached for the water, but Noah didn’t comment on it. He stayed there in silence as Kaj took a swig of water, the cool liquid soothing his raw throat. He ate two crackers, grateful for the salty taste in his mouth.
Five, maybe ten minutes passed before Noah spoke again.
“Does it happen a lot? The nightmares, I mean,” he asked, his voice gentle in a way Kaj hadn’t heard before. It was strangely comforting.
“More than I’d like,” Kaj admitted.
“Since when?”
The dim illumination in the bus was casting sharp shadows over Noah’s face, making it impossible to read his expression. Yet the concern etched in his body language was on full display.
“It comes and goes.”
“But…” Noah paused. “Something must be triggering you. It’s already happened twice—that I know of—in two weeks.”
Four, really. But that’s nothing.Kaj lifted a shoulder as he chewed on another cracker.
“Wanna talk about it?”
Kaj shook his head. How would he explain the horror in his dreams without telling him what Jesper and Katja had done? A sick twist of memory left him feeling hollowed out and dirty just thinking about it again.
Noah nodded, respecting his space, figuratively and literally, because he was there with him yet wasn’t being overbearing and pushy. Some people found comfort in being held and rocked during panic attacks, but Kaj hated it. Until he was in full control of himself, he’d rather not be touched.
“Okay…” Noah said. “I’m here if you need me, though. Foranything.”
The simple statement cracked Kaj’s armor. But that was something he couldn’t allow—weakness, vulnerability. So, he did what he was best at; masking and lying.
“Would you fuckme?” he tossed, forcing a smirk.
He needed something that physically hurt and, for some reason, he believed Noah could give him that perfect edge between pain and pleasure without making him spiral. Though truthfully, just thinking about it made him freak the fuck out.
“Thought you said you never bottom,” Noah replied, making Kaj’s mouth curl up in a real lopsided grin. Of course he’d remember that.
“Are you rejecting me?”
“No. But I’m not gonna do something you don’t like.”
Did he really hate it? His mind said yes, but Kaj had never tried it—not consensually—so he didn't really know.
