“That means a lot coming from you.”
Between some more compliments and trivial chitchat, they said their goodbyes. Then it was just the four of them alone in the studio again.
Xander, Aksel, and Niels became engrossed in a conversation about what they liked and didn’t like about the guy.
The manager was slightly reclined in the office chair, an elbow propped on the mixing console, stroking his long beard while he listened to the musicians. They were on the couch beside Kaj with their asses on the edge of the seat, as if this was the most interesting discussion they’d ever had. The three of them talked and talked, replaying what they’d recorded from the sixth auditionee, pausing and commenting on some parts.
Normally, aside from making them show their skills individually, the band would jam with the different candidates, too. That was the only way to make sure they’d fit their dynamics—just because someone was phenomenal didn’t mean they would gel with the crew. But they were on a tight schedule to select them, prepare the promo around the newcomer, and start rehearsing for the upcoming tour. So, they relied on their experience to make the best decision.
Resting his elbows on his knees, Kaj leaned forward and pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes. Music and their voices became background noise as the clock hanging on the wall ticked, ominously approaching the time agreed with Noah for his audition.
He hated that therapy had opened his eyes, and how useless it made him feel. Because, while the burden he’d been dragging for over a decade felt lighter these days, the sensations embedded in his heart, soul, and bones clashed with logic.
Because the admission of having been raped still burned his tongue when he had to say it out loud.
Because the pain that came along with clarity was excruciating.
Because if Katja and Jesper had protected him after his dad passed away instead of being the reason for his decay,maybethings would have been different.
But the truth was, he was a coward.
The secrets. The lies. The drugs. The self-inflicted pain. The sex with strangers whose names he didn’t know. The “romantic” relationships that were nothing but a calculated exchange. Everything was a crutch to preserve life.
“Are we boring you, Larsen?” Niels asked.
“What?” Kaj blinked several times. “No.”
“What is it then?” He narrowed his eyes at him. “Feeling any urges again?”
Kaj scoffed. “I got that under control.”
The manager scrutinized his face. He wasn’t just a business partner; he was also a friend, and Kaj’s addiction felt too close to home to ignore. Niels had not only dealt with the press when the drummer was admitted into the hospital and later into rehab after he overdosed two years ago. He’d lost his brother to drugs, which was why Kaj allowed him to be a pain in the ass about it. It was his way of showing he cared.
Right as Kaj caught a glimpse of concern in Aksel and Xander’s looks, Niels opened his mouth to say something. But before he could utter a single word, a knock on the door interrupted them.
“Come on in,” Niels said.
Sofie, the receptionist, walked in, followed byhim.
Something stuck in Kaj’s throat.
“Thank you for coming. I’m Niels, the manager. Glad you could make it.” He stood up to greet Noah, and the office chair slid backward, rattling on the wooden floor.
“Thank you for the opportunity.”
Kaj’s ears rang and his pulse wavered.
After asking if they wanted anything to drink and receiving a “we’re good, thanks” for an answer, Sofie left.
Hellos were tossed and handshakes were shared. Niels, his bandmates, and Noah animatedly engaged in small talk, but Kaj couldn’t concentrate on what was being said or the not-so-subtle glares the manager was throwing his way, motioning for him to move his ass and greet the next aspirant. His entire system had collapsed the moment his eyes landed on Noah. Seeing him through a screen and in real life was so different, a part of him wanted to hide and cry.
The other, however, was spellbound.
Noah was taller than Kaj remembered, and stronger. The way that burgundy Henley T-shirt and those black jeans embraced his body gave away the muscle he’d built over the past eight years. His jaw and Adam’s apple were sharper. Even his onyx gaze—scorching when it met Kaj’s—felt different. Just like the cool, non-threatening confidence he carried himself with. Although Noah was meeting two of the musicians he admired when they were teens, there was not a trace of shyness in his demeanor.
Noah definitely wasn’t the scrawny boy he used to be. He was a man.Impressive and magnetic.
Kaj hated him even more for it.
