The stillness of the night lingering over the river trespassed the panoramic glass wall, allowing the voices in his head to get louder.
Kaj pressed the mounds of his hands into his eyes and groaned as a familiar ache spread through his body. Sobriety sucked. Nightmares aside, he’d slept better during the last few months than he had in years, but if he had drunk his weight in whiskey tonight, he wouldn’t be all over the place right now. He’d probably throw up three days’ worth of food in the bathroom or kitchen sink, or on the terrace, but he wouldn’t be conscious.
He tossed and turned on the couch, battling the need to surrender to old habits. He’d been overwhelmed with this niggling urge before, and while this wasn’t as bad as the last time, he felt uncomfortable in his skin right now. It was too tight. But he didn’t want to fall off the wagon. The aftermath of losing himself wasn’t pretty. Having to restart for the fifth time? Yeah, no. He wasn’t doing that crap again.
Letting out an irritated groan, he lifted his hips and, with shaky hands, reached for the pack of tobacco in his pocket.
The clink of his Zippo lighter, followed by the scrape of its flint, was the only sound breaking the silence in the apartment.
Clunk, clink, clunk, clink, clunk.
Kaj relished the burning sensation crawling down his throat as he closed his eyes.
However, unlike other times, the taste of ash on his tongue didn’t appease his relentless mind. Instead, it rekindled the flame to stalk Noah online. Something he’d avoided for years.
“Fuck my life.”
Kaj held the cig between his lips as he grabbed his phone from the coffee table, where he’d dropped it before, and searched for Noah’s channel on YouTube.
376 thousand subscribers? The fuck?
Hesitant for a second, he let his thumb hover over the screen. What harm could this do? At least he’d know what to expect if Noah showed up for an audition.If he agreed to it.
Kaj scrolled down the page. There were covers of all kinds of songs, from classics to anime, collaborations with other musicians, and some videos that looked like his own material. The activity seemed to have slowed during the last few months, but Noah still uploaded something new every two or three weeks.
Tapping on the one Aksel had shown Kaj before, a conflicting wave of emotions crashed against the ridges of his brain. He pressed play, and the world outside vanished, leaving him alone with Noah.
Inside what looked like a small homemade soundproof room, standing in front of a mic, the vocalist gently bobbed his head to the cradling tempo of the recorded music. The production was so well-rounded, full, and simply amazing, Kaj got trapped immediately. Then Noah began to sing and, like lightning, electricity broke through his body.
His voice came out like a raspy whisper. Yet it was the warmth in it that threw Kaj into a trance, sinking him into a different dimension when the chorus hit.
One song after another, the drummer lost track of time, only to jump into the rest of Noah’s socials later on.
Kaj hated it.
He hated his body’s reactions—the shivers, the goosebumps, the tightness in his heart.
He hated the way Noah bit his bottom lip to contain a smile when he knew he had nailed a note.
And that he looked so fulfilled.
He hated that Noah was making him feel at all.
But mostly, Kaj hated that this man was the only one capable of appeasing the constant pain in his chest.
Two
Ithadbeentwoweeks since the meeting with the record label, and ten days since all the vocalists selected by the A&R team had been contacted. This was the sixth one auditioning. He had the skills and his growls were brutal, but his clean singing timbre was twangy. It made Kaj frown. But he was also in a bad mood, so it could be just that.
Crossing and uncrossing his legs, earning a warning glare from Xander, Kaj huffed.
Although Noah had sneaked into his dreams every so often, Kaj always locked everything that man stirred outside. However, since the moment he’d learned Noah was coming to the studio, their story had been playing on an endless loop in his mind. Why? That man was nothing to him. Not anymore.
“That was amazing,” Niels congratulated the dude as he walked out of the live room. “We’ll be contacting you shortly, whether you make it or not.”
“Let’s hope I do.” He chuckled, shaking the manager’s hand. “Anyway, thank you for the chance,” he said while looking at the others.
“With your talent, we’d be crazy not to,” Xander offered.
