I slump into my seat. “Thanks, man.”
“You have any idea what you’re going to do for money? Or is this your way of saying you’re going to need to crash on my couch for a bit?”
I let out a bark of laughter. “As if you don’t live in a two-story penthouse apartment with four bedrooms and an entirely unused guest suite.”
“I’d still put you on the couch,” he says with a sniff.
I’m smiling as I shake my head. Regardless of everything with Scarlett, this conversation has taken a huge weight off my shoulders.
But then Lucas sobers and asks gently, “So, what are you going to do about Scarlett?”
I let out a heavy exhale, trying to expel the sadness that fills me at the mention of her name. “I have no idea. I don’t want to push her, but at the same time, I don’t know if I’m capable of letting her go. She’s…everything. And shedeserveseverything.” I drag a hand down my face. “I guess that’s the frustrating part. Regardless of if she forgives me, I wish she knew that. She should know how amazing she is.”
“So then tell her,” Lucas says simply.
I blow out another breath. “I can’t keep blasting her with texts every day. That's repetitive and annoying, and I need to make more effort than that.”
“Then tell her in a way she’ll believe.” Lucas leans forward to brace his forearms on his knees. “Nico, you told me she opened up to you in a way she never has to anyone else. You knowmore about her than anyone else.Show herwhy you think she’s amazing and how you feel about her.”
At that, an idea sparks. It might not be enough to earn her forgiveness, but that’s not the main goal anyway.
Getting Scarlett to see herself the way I see her, the way Itrulysee her…that’s the goal.
I lock eyes on Lucas. “Do you have time to take a long lunch? I could use your help with some brainstorming.”
He doesn’t even hesitate. He just nods and says, “Let me call my assistant. I’ll cancel the rest of my day.”
FORTY
SCARLETT
My days after the gala are bizarre in a thousand ways. I had already decided to quit working as an escort after Nico’s fight, but it isn’t until my conversation with Amara that I truly come to terms with it.
It’s disappointing to realize how much of my life I centered around men.
For one, I have to figure out what to do with myself when I’m not in class. Without clients, I have nothing to plan my daily schedule around. I can sleep in late, run my errands whenever I want; I can spend an entire day—or night—rotting on the couch watching movies. I’ll need to figure out a job eventually, but the one good thing about being a high-end escort who didn’t leave her house for years is that I have more than enough money saved to keep me comfortable for a while. I can spend this time finding my new normal.
The other bizarre change is not having any obligations. Without any men in my life, I have no “reason” to workout, or get my roots touched up, or go clothes shopping.
Until I realize I miss doing those things.
So, I start doing them again. But this time, I do them for myself.
Instead of bleaching my roots so I’m the perfect shade of blonde from root to end, I ask for a shadow root and some dimension in my strands. Instead of just running on the treadmill for two hours, I sign up at a local Pilates gym to try out some classes. Instead of starving myself on a banana and a flavorless green shake, I swallow my guilt and experiment with new breakfast dishes that include carbs and actual sustenance.
I feel like an entirely new person, living an entirely different life.
I also make it a goal to visit one new place or try one new thing every day. I’m sick and tired of living out of my apartment, spending the day in dread and the night in depression. I want to experience life, not just let it pass me by. One day, I visit the Banksy museum. Another day, I make it my mission to find the best slice of New York pizza. I even do a solo date to a restaurant I’ve been dying to try. I finally take a tour of the Statue of Liberty, and then go back again three days later when I can’t stop thinking about Ellis Island.
Thank God Nico came along and shook up my world. Regardless of how things ended with us, that’s one thing I’m grateful for every single day. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t have had the courage to start venturing out on my own like this. He gave me a starting point, made me remember my interests that I had completely forgotten about.
But that doesn’t mean I don’t get sad when reminders of him appear.
Every day, I’m conflicted about my feelings for him. I miss him, probably more than I want to admit, but oftentimes, after I think of him, I remember our fight at the gala, and I’m hit with a wave of sadness and hurt. It’s hard to reconcile that with his apology.
I just wish I knew which ones were his real feelings. Iwantto believe he only pushed me away because he got scared, but…it’s hard. Whether it’s because of my long-standing trust issues or not, it’s hard to trust his words.
And then one day, I open my front door to find a wrapped present on my doorstep.
