I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t a book on the psychology of love. And paired with it is a little handwritten note that says,
I love you because you’re the smartest person I know.
P.S. Don’t tell Lucas.
I let out a teary laugh as I read it. I’ve never been made to feel like my brain was something to be proud of. So hearing that Nico might love me for it…
I swallow roughly. It’s too much to hope for.
But two days later, there’s another gift waiting for me. This time, it’s the t-shirt Nico gave me the night I got sick. The one I loved wearing because it smelled like him.
It still smells like him.
This note says,
I’d love you through every sickness. It would be my honor.
I slump against the doorway, the memory of the time Nico took care of me crystallizing in my mind. I wondered that night if it meant he could love me, but it was too bizarre of an idea at the time to really consider it. Now I wonder if that was the first sign.
For the next week, there’s a gift waiting on my doorstep every other day. They don’t always come with notes, but the ones that do make me shed a tear.
A yoga mat for my workouts, because he loves me for how strong I am. Concert tickets to another Hans Zimmer show. A pink dog collar with a note that says,
I love you for your kindness. The way you love rescue animals tells me everything I need to know about your heart.
I always thought gifts from men would be clothing or jewelry. Any other man would’ve made the assumption that I can only be impressed by diamond earrings or expensive heels. But not Nico.
Nico’s gifts aren’t expensive, they’rethoughtful. They show me he not only paid attention to me, but that he also loves what he saw. He loves me for the qualities I never thought were lovable.
With every gift, my anger at him thaws.
But the day I open my door to an envelope, it melts completely.
There’s a Polaroid inside. When I look closer, I realize it’s a picture from the night of his fight, when we were out at dinner with his family. With the angle it’s taken from, I’m guessing his mom was the one who took it when we weren’t looking.
I choke on a sob at the picture.
It’s of Nico and me. We’re sitting at the table, and I’m smiling about something as I look down at my lap. I lookhappy. I’ve never seen a picture of myself where I don’t look either poisedor anxious, but in the picture Nico’s mom snapped, I look like I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in the world.
And then there’s Nico.
I’ve never seen what love looks like on a man. I never had an example growing up, and God knows my own relationships never included true love. Not the way it looks on Nico.
It’s in his eyes, in the way he’s looking at me. His arm is braced on the back of my chair, giving me space while also being close to me. And he’sstaring. The sparkle in his eyes looks like it could be a painting. And he’s smiling at me, in a way I’m familiar with but have never truly considered.
He loves me.
Of coursehe loves me.
Even before these gifts and notes, I knew it every time we were together. He showed me when he listened to me, when he cared enough to do things forme.
I feel a tear run down my cheek as I turn the picture over. There’s a handwritten note on the back that just says,
I love you. I’ll always love you. If loving you through this picture is the only thing I deserve, I’ll still consider myself the luckiest man in the world.
It's in that moment that I realize…I love him.
Throughout all of this, he was patient with me and made me feel safe. He took the time to show mewhyhe loves me because he knew I needed to hear it. He made me laugh when I needed some lightness in my day. And if the way he loves his family is any indication, he loves with his whole heart. He’s the kindest man I’ve ever met.
