“Using weed to keep me close, huh?” she teases, smacking gently against my arm. The contact has my skin bursting into flames. The warmth of her touch lingers long after she pulls her hand back. We just stand there, so close I can smell her perfume that mingles with the night air. There’s so much I want to tell her, ask her, but the words never come. I just leave the comfortable silence between us, while she looks up at the sky… I look at her.
A million things run through my mind, all to be halted by the sound of my phone ringing in my pocket. The sound cuts through the night, so loud it almost sounds wrong. It’s shrill and vibrates like a warning. I try to ignore it because nothing good comes from interruption. For a moment, I try to will the sound away, but it only becomes more insistent, then guilt tugs at me. What if it’s something important? I glance over at Ronnie, who’s already looking at me, waiting for the shoe to drop, for the moment to dissipate right before our eyes because fate fucking hates us. My hand stays where it is, useless at my side, as my phone rings away, my gaze unwavering from Ronnie.
Just when it stops…. it rings again.
Her eyes slowly move down to my pocket. “You should probably—”
I answer the call before she can finish.
“Isaac Vargas?” the woman on the other end of the call asks almost nervously, and my heart grows louder and quicker. My chest is tightening for reasons I don’t understand, and I apologetically look at Ronnie, who looks like she just wants to take off and run, I don’t blame her… I want that too. I clear my throat before replying, “This is him.”
There’s a pause on the other end, but from the background noises, I can tell it’s a hospital, and that has me on alert. “Mr. Vargas, this is St. Mary’s Medical Center. We need you to come in. We admitted a prisoner, Priscilla Harper, and she’s currently being prepped for an emergency C-section.”
All the words hit me at once, leaving me too stunned to focus on anything else. “It–” I clear my throat, swallowing hard, trying to keep the information away from Ronnie. “It’s not time yet.”
It’s too soon… she still had more time. Ihadmore time.
But time waits for no one. There’s another pause, longer this time. “There were complications. The baby will need to be delivered. We will need you here.”
Everything around me blurs, and my heart sinks deep into my stomach. My hands shake as I try to make sense of what I’m hearing. Not daring to look at Ronnie, my eyes roam over the parking lot, looking anywhere but at her. “By the time you make it to the Medical Center, please go straight to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.”
I nod, even though she can’t see me. My hand is tightening around the phone, so hard it hurts. “Okay.”
With that, the calls end, and with it, whatever moment I hoped to conjure up with Ronnie. I look up at the sky, looking for the courage to face the woman I love and explain to her that this time it’s me who has to choose. It’s me who has to leave. I finally meet her gaze, which reflects nothing but confusion. She doesn’t ask what’s wrong because she knows. The comfortable silence is now thick with tension.
“Everything okay?” she finally asks, nervously playing with her fingers.
“My son,” I manage to choke out, not missing the way her eyes go wide from the shock.
“A son?”
Even hearing the words come from her lips still doesn’t make them feel real, nor right. She’s confused, even more so now, and I wish I had the time to talk her through it. “It’s not—he’s early. Or will be.” I swallow hard the lump rising in my throat. “I have to go.”
She makes a soft, muffled noise as she brings her hand towards her lips, and blinking her eyes rapidly. “Yeah.” Her voice breaks. “You should go…” Ronnie waves me her hand. I take a step forward only for her to take another two steps back, moving away from me. “I’m sorry, Ronnie.”
“No, don’t be,” she croaks. “Do you need anyone to go with you?”
“No,” I mumble softly, watching as she struggles to cope with her emotions. This is all so wrong, isn’t how things should have played out, and it sucks that there’s no way to soften the truth. Ronnie wastes no time backing away and practically rushing towards the entrance of Alexa’s building and disappearing behind the door without a word. Not even a goodbye.
Song:Athlete - Wire
The drive to the hospital is silent except for the loud growl of the Camaro’s engine and the way my heart refuses to slow down. A cold knot forms in my stomach, my nerves all buzzing beneath my skin, making it jittery, and I’m unable to stop myself from running my hand through my hair. My hand tightens around the steering wheel as my heart continues to slam into my ribs.
I don’t remember even making it to the hospital or pulling into the parking lot. Not even when my body begins to move, my feet pumping with eachstep until breaking out into a full jog. I move with purpose, dodging columns, dodging staff, and visitors until I make it inside. Everything smells clean. Not the fresh but the antiseptic kind, my head shifts one side to another unsure which way to go.
“Sir, are you lost?” A woman who is sitting behind a desk asks cautiously. Taking in my disheveled and sweaty exterior, I probably look my worst, but I’m nervous. Unsure of so many things, with only one thing that rings true, I need to be here. “NICU.”
After verifying a handful of information and my identity, I’m free to go. Running through corridors, taking elevators that bring me up to the NICU. My knees shake with each step, while I make it through the automatic door before stopping right at the double doors that hold my future. And the future has never been as scary as it is right now. My eyes can see the area, the machines, the staff that buzz from the nurses' station to the room, the way the smell of diaper cream mingles in the sterile environment. It takes a minute to kick into gear, to get myself going. Reading the instructions, I place my phone and anything unsterile in a plastic bag after wiping it down. Sauntering over to the sink, I wash my hands, making sure to last the full three minutes.
Scrubbing from my fingertips to my elbows. Once I’m done, the heavy glass automatic door slides open, and the weight of it settles in my chest. Not in an oppressive way, but with the heaviness of responsibility. The nurse guides me towards a dimly lit room, and I stop just inside the doorway.
He’s so small…
Smaller than anything I imagined. Swaddled up to wires, instead of blankets. His skin is almost translucent beneath the blue lights. The nurse tells me all the information I need to know. I have so many questions, I just can’t bring myself to interrupt her, or fucking move. I have a son.
A son.
“Go on, you can see him from up close. Just try to be quiet. He’s gonna need a lot of rest while he continues to grow,” she whispers softly, ushering me towards the center of the room where a single incubator stands, my reflection faint in theglass separating him from me. My hands shake as I press them against the barrier, terrified of how much emotion I’m feeling. A single tear slides down my cheek as I whisper, “I’m here.”
