“Since when did you grow up so much?”
She shrugs, giving me a mischievous grin before disappearing into the house, leaving me in the silence of the garage. My gaze falls back to the crib for a second longer. “Be happy,” I mutter before grabbing my keysand jacket.
My drive towards Alexa’s place is a blur of movements and streetlights. It’s fall now, the sun sets quicker than it does during the summer. I wonder how the weather is for my girl.Is it chillier now that the season’s changed? Is it still warm and tropical?So many questions linger inside my mind. She’s all I think about when I’m not busy trying everything in my power to meet her halfway, to be the man she would be proud to return to. The father I need to be when my son arrives. I’ve read countless baby books, joined a support group for single fathers, and even got myself into therapy. All seems to be working… According to my therapist, it’s normal to grieve a lost love. It’s even harder when it’s up in the lingo, unsure of what path to take.
I just wish that all this would help ease the ache, fill the void her absence left inside me. All I can do is distract myself while I give her time to come back to herself. My therapist says I should focus on my healing rather than waiting. However, I do both. Yes, I’m still obsessed with her, always will be. That doesn’t mean my life remains on hold… only my heart. Only the things that are hers. Every day I get up and show up for myself. Little by little, the pieces have come together, and now all that’s left is the arrival of my son. I turn towards Alexa’s building. I didn’t even bother to go look for Sledge at his place. Knowing my best friend, he’s trapped in her place, and as much as I wanted to be home watching some anime or maybe a sci-fi movie, I’m here. Hopefully, he’s not trying to have another heart-to-heart. I’m just not ready to pour salt in my already weeping wound.
All it does is make him worried, so I guess I’ll surprise him. When I pull in, I make sure to press the gas, so he knows I’m outside, my own way of saying,‘It’s time to blaze.’Plus, it’s hard not to recognize the rumble of the Camaro, especially when you have heard it for years. As expected, he peeks his head out the window. “You don’t text anymore?”
Sticking my own head out the driver's window, I shout back, “Been busy. You know I shouldn’t text and drive. ”
“Yeah, yeah… save it. Be right down,” He retorts, and I park my car, noticing Alexa’s car isn’t here. My hand moves towards my phone, looking at the screen as my fingers mindlessly click on Ronnie’s old phone number. As always, I text it, expecting to hear a reply, but none come besides the notification that says ‘undelivered.’ I’m sure whoever has her old number now blocked me long ago—and this is just how I cope. I text her about my days, update her on how I’m doing, and even told her that I found out I’m having a son, in a moment of weakness. When Sledge finally emerges from inside the building, I step out of the Camaro with a smirk that matches his. “The throes of fatherhood have you that busy, huh?”
I chuckle at that, but really, it’s too much to fight the urge to recoil at his words. As much as I’ve been preparing for fatherhood, I still don’t know if I’m fully there.
“Something like that,” I finally answer, meeting him halfway, and he lights a joint. Taking two deep inhales before passing it onto me. “Sorry to just drop in. I was around and felt like saying hi.”
Smoke curls around us when he exhales. “You’re good, Lex isn’t here anyway.”
I pass the joint back to him, my head turning to her usual parking spot. “Yeah, I noticed that.”
We smoke in silence for a bit, then Sledge fills me in on his life. He’s now stepping away from dealing with fights and focusing on his gym, which will be opening soon. Even offered me a position as a coach. As for me, I fill him in on my routine, the information given to me pertaining to Priscilla and her pregnancy. The conversation is mundane in the best kind of way. We’re so lost in conversation that we don’t notice the headlights as Alexa pulls in. One minute he’s talking, and the next he’s frozen, looking past me like he’s seen a ghost. My pulse spikes, my heart stuttering inside my chest, unsure if I want to turn around, and when I do.
I see her.
If this were a novella, I’m sure this is the scene where the song “Coleccionista de Canciones,” by Camila plays. My girl is within arms reach, standing just a few feet away, unsure of what to do, and right beside her is Alexa, who is glaring at Sledge. But all I can focus on is Ronnie. My hands grow sweaty, and the urge to run to her is quickly overpowering every sense inside me that tells me to stay still, to wait for her to establish the connection. And that she does. I see the exact moment where she decides her path, her shoulders lift as she closes the passenger door and walks towards us.
“Hey,” she says with a warm smile, which makes her look like absolute sunshine even if it’s dark out. She looks healthier, her skin glowing—sun-kissed—and looks fuller too. “I love the bangs,” is all I manage to say, because I’m too busy admiring every part of her. Everything else fades, and only she exists. Ronnie chuckles softlyas her hand moves to the curtain bangs that frame her heart-shaped face. “Yeah, I’m still not convinced…”
“It suits you,” I mutter as I bring my thumb to my lips. A nervous tic that makes me bite off my nail.
“You look—” she mutters, and my nerves have me blurting out, “So do you,” and cutting her off before she can even finish. We organically drift closer. Inspecting each other as we both laugh nervously. For a second, I forget the crib, the pregnancy, and everything in between. And zero in on that future I envisioned for us both, whether I want it or not.
I’m so focused on her that I don’t notice until she mentions it. “Looks like it’s only us.” She points at the retreating forms of Sledge and Alexa. I can’t help the spark of happiness that explodes inside my chest, taking a mental note to thank them later on.
“I can go, so you can meet up with them,” I offer, knowing damn well I’d rather really not do that. But if she wanted an out to escape this, very obviously, intense situation, I’d offer it to her. I’d offer anything to her. She quickly shakes her head. “No, it’s okay. I’m fine. How’s life?”
“It’s been going. I didn’t know you were back?”
She smiles, wide and bright, stirring a bunch of emotions inside me. “Oh, it’s a surprise, no one knows, that’s why Alexa picked me up from the airport.”
That makes sense, why our parents were going about their day and not getting ready for her arrival.
“Nixie will be happy to see you. She’s hopeless without you. Think Bella, but worse.” She clutches her invisible pearls, her mouth opening in exaggerated,‘oh, my.’ I nod. “We all missed you, but I think I might have a little more than them.”
Her smile falls, and instantly I kick myself in the nuts, metaphorically of course, because why the fuck would I say that? I just couldn’t contain it. I do miss her. Every day, every hour—she’s all I can think of. “I’msorry—”
“I missed you, too,” she adds in, stopping me from making an even bigger fool out of myself. A smile tugs at my lips, I step in closer wanting to hug her, but instead I ask, “Wanna smoke?”
She scoffs, pretending to be offended. For a second, I’m standing there sweating bullets.Maybe she stopped? Why did I ask her that?I mean, sure, smoking some weed isn’t for everyone, but it’s always been our thing. “I thought you would never ask.” That’s when I remember I don’t have anything on me, and with a sorry look, I tell her. “I forgot, I got nothing, but I can ask Sledge.”
“No, it’s okay.”
“You sure?”
“Yes, I actually haven’t smoked in a while.”
My brows quirk. “No shit, then maybe we shouldn’t. I’m just so happy to see you.”
