If that wasn’t happiness, Norman didn’t know what was.
CHAPTER 29
Susan stood frozen outside the cracked door of the sitting room, feeling as though her heart might shatter into a million pieces.
She couldn’t believe what she had heard.
Things were complicated between her and Norman. That was no secret. But after that kiss, she had thought she understood things more clearly. It had certainly explained his reasoning for getting so upset about what had happened at Montgomery. He hadn’t been worried about scandal, she thought—he had beenjealous.
It was a glow she had carried around deep in her chest from the moment she’d recognized the truth of it.
But now that glow faded from her, to be replaced by a cold, hard stone.
That I don’t love her is irrelevant to what I must do, he had said.
It was perfectly clear. There was no room for interpretation in those four words.
I don’t love her.
Her mind cried out against the knowledge. It hurt terribly.
He kissed me! How can he act as if there was nothing in that?
But then, there was no reason to think that the kiss had meant the same thing to him as it had to her.Not that I even know what it meant to me—but I know it meant something. I know it made me look at him differently. Consider my feelings for him in a new light. I assumed that he shared that experience. Now I don’t know.
Maybe for Norman, the kiss had simply been an impulsive thing. She knew that he found her pretty enough. Maybe he had simply wanted to kiss someone, and had realized his wife was the best choice for such a thing. Maybe he had done it to stop her talking. There could be any number of reasons. She had only assumed that his kiss had come from some sort of feeling.
Even if it was true that he had been jealous after her actions at the Montgomery ball, that didn’t mean his kiss indicated any sort of affection for her. It might just mean that he wanted to remind her who she belonged to.
It worked, if so.He had taken up full-time residence in her thoughts since then.
And now he was in his sitting room telling his aunt that he didn’t love her.
“I don’t see how you can claim to be truly happy with someone you don’t love, Norman,” Lady Keethroad was saying.
Susan longed to be angry with Lady Keethroad for once more coming over and trying to convince Norman that their marriage was a bad one. But now, for the first time, she felt a chasm opening up within her at the thought of Lady Keethroad’s comments. This wasn’t just rudeness. Lady Keethroad was genuinely concerned about Norman’s happiness.
Because she knows that he is married to someone he doesn’t love, and she wants better for him. Of course she does. She is his aunt; there’s no reason she would be willing to see him settle for less than perfect happiness… settle for me.
She’d heard enough. It would hurt too much to stand here listening any longer. She backed away from the door on tiptoes, then turned and fled to her room.
What a fool she had been! Ignoring him all this time… A part of her had imagined, dreamed, that he was wondering why she was doing that. That he was missing her, hoping she would break her silence. Longing for her, even. And now she was forced to accept that it had never been that way for him. He might not have evennoticed that she was keeping her distance, but if he had noticed it, he wouldn’t have been sad. He might even have been relieved.
She felt sick.
There was a knock at the door. One of the maids entered the room. “Forgive me, Your Grace,” she said. “I saw you return home, and I know that you like to take tea at this hour of the afternoon, so I took the liberty of bringing up a cart.”
“Thank you…” Susan frowned. “I don’t know you. You don’t usually tend to me.”
“My name is Catherine, Your Grace.”
Susan nodded. “Thank you, Catherine.”
She sat down at the window and waited to be served. When the cup of tea was in her hands, she took a slow sip, relishing its warmth and waiting for it to ease the pain of what had just happened.
But no ease came.
Instead, the dreadful words played over and over in her mind.
