“I know you wouldn’t,” Susan told her sister gently. “I saw the two of you that night at the ball. I saw the way he looked at you, and the way you were looking at him. Both of you care so deeply for one another.” She sighed. “I’m not sure whether I truly believe a marriage can ever last. I don’t know if I can put my faith in love the way you have. But I do know that if it’s real for anyone in this world, it’s real for you and for Gilbert, and I’m glad. I’ll always be here for you if anything should go wrong, but I understand that you want to take this chance, and I support you in that.”
“Oh, Sue, thank you.” Marina paused on the path and flung her arms around her sister. “It means more to me than I can say to have your support. I know you’ve sacrificed so much for me, and I know none of this has been easy for you, at any point along the journey. I just want you to be happy. And I want you to know that everything you’ve done has made me happy. Truly, I feel I must be the happiest woman in all of London.”
“I hope you are,” Susan murmured.
And she wondered to herself—Have I really sacrificed so much?
It was, of course, thoughtful of Marina to be concerned about what Susan had given up. But Susan realized she wasn’t sureshe had given up all that much. In fact, she might have gained more than she had lost. She’d never have experienced a kiss like that if she hadn’t gotten married, and although it had left her feeling awkward and unsteady, she couldn’t deny that it had been intensely pleasant.
There is a part of me that longs to do it again.
Of course, that thought was too dangerous. If she pondered that desire, she might find herself drawn in by it, and the next time she was alone with her husband, she might fall into his arms. That was a chance she was unwilling to take.
Marina surveyed her. “You seem distraught,” she noted. “I would have thought you would be happy, but… Sue, do you still doubt Gilbert? I swear to you that our feelings for each other are true.”
“No, no,” Susan assured her sister. “I believe you. I have my anxieties about it, but it’s as I said—you want to take the chance, and I think you and Gilbert are better equipped to make a marriage work than anybody else I know. I will stand by you through this. And with all my heart, I hope that it will work out.”
“But then why are you unhappy?” Marina pressed her.
Susan shook her head. “I’m not unhappy.”
“Do you think I don’t know you, Sue? I can see through you. I know that this is how you carry yourself when something is onyour mind,” Marina said. “I don’t know what it is, but I can see that you’re upset. I wish you would tell me what was wrong, because maybe there’s something I could do to be of help.”
“Truly, Marina, there isn’t anything.” But she couldn’t quite look at her sister as she said it. She knew that Marina was right. Out of everyone in the world, Marina knew Susan best.
Likely the only reason she ever fell for my deception about Norman was that she so longed for it to be true. She wanted to believe I was in love, and I don’t blame her a bit for that. But now…
She sighed and turned away.
Marina rested a hand on her shoulder. “You have to tell me what’s wrong,” she whispered. “Please, Sue, I’m so worried. Is it the Duke? Has he been cruel? If he’s treating you badly, I’m sure there’s something we can do about it. We can go to Father and tell him, and maybe he’ll allow you to come back home…”
“You know he wouldn’t,” Susan countered. “Has he ever allowed Leah to come home? But no.” She couldn’t let Marina worry. “It isn’t anything like that. He hasn’t been cruel to me in the least.”
“I’m not sure if I should believe you,” Marina confessed. “I want to think it’s true, but I fear you might be lying to me.”
“I’m not lying.”
“But you aren’t telling me everything,” Marina pressed. “There issomething.”
“It’s best if you let it lie,” Susan told her sister.
“But I can’t,” Marina said. “I can’t pretend that I don’t care about what’s happening with you. Have you ever been able to do that with me?”
“You know I haven’t,” Susan sighed.
“Let’s go and sit down,” Marina suggested, pointing to an unoccupied bench. “Perhaps then we can speak a bit more openly.”
They wouldn’t be able to. Susan knew that. It didn’t feel as if she could talk about this. That was devastating to her. Marina had always been the one person in the world she could confide in, and with everything that had happened just in the last few days, she desperately wanted someone to talk to.
The sisters reached the bench and sat down. Susan looked out over the park. So many people were here today, enjoying the fine weather, walking arm in arm—many of them with romantic partners. Love truly seemed to be everywhere.
Don’t they understand how risky that is? How frequently it all goes wrong?
She was sick at heart and hung her head, staring at her hands in her lap. Perhaps it would have been better if she had never learned the truth about how love could sting you. Perhaps she would have been better off believing—as Marina seemed to—that such happiness was possible.
I might have gotten hurt in the end, but at least I could have enjoyed myself first. At least I would have been able to receive a kiss from a man who admired me and just relish in the feelings, without worrying about where it might lead.
“Oh, Susan, I can tell how heavy-hearted you are,” Marina murmured, taking her hand. “Please—you must promise me that your husband hasn’t done anything cruel or harmful to you. I worry so much.” She hesitated. “I know we don’t like to talk about Leah. I know what happened to her is a nightmare. But if anything so terrible has happened to you, you simplymusttell me. I know how you try to protect me, and I love you for it, but you must let me protect you too.”
