With one simple sentence, she felt her heart stop. She thought that he was making a joke, a cruel one, but he was not smiling. She was quiet for a moment, not at all knowing what to say.
“I do not understand.”
“And I do not expect you to. I know that you will be angry with me, but it is for the best.”
“But I have not done anything wrong, have I?”
“Not at all. This is my fault, and I should have warned you sooner.”
“Then if it is not anything that I have done, then what is it? You told me that we did not have any issues anymore. What has changed?”
“Nothing has changed. I thought that a matter was resolved, and it has not been, and so I must take care of it first. I do not want to marry you with the issue over our heads.”
“I see.”
She was quiet, waiting for him to tell her just what that issue was, but he did not say anything more. Cassandra knew, however, what he meant. There was only one thing, in her mind, that could have happened.
“If your mother will never change her mind,” she said softly, “then I do not see any reason why we should marry at all.”
He stiffened at that. Cassandra sensed that she had misspoken, but she did not know what else it could have been. There was nothing else that remained in their way, and she was so certain that they had mended everything else.
“Are you hiding something from me?” she asked, willing him to say no. “If you still do not believe that I will behave, I promise you that I will. I am ready for this, and I will not jeopardize it again.”
“It is not– Lady Cassandra, I want to assure you that you have done nothing wrong, and it is something that I can fix. I need time, that is all.”
“I do not have time,” she snapped. “Your Grace, do you understand what you have done? My friends, the entireton, everyone is expecting us to marry today, and yet I shall have to return to them as alone as I was when I left. This will ruin me, and as you say I have done nothing to deserve it.”
“You need not leave.”
She could not take her eyes from him, but he could not look at her. She was furious at his cowardice, but more than that she wished that he thought highly enough of her to simply tell her the truth. She wanted to believe that there was more to it, but she could not bring herself to. She had always been seen asan outcast, someone unworthy of love, and she had always told herself that she was happy that way, but it had been a lie.
She wanted to be loved, and if he loved her then he would have at least had the decency to be honest with her. Of course, she could not blame him for not loving her; it had never been the purpose of their match, but she wanted him to. Otherwise, she would be married to a man that never felt the same for her as she did him.
If they ever married, that was.
She laughed emptily, turning to leave. He took her wrist, but she pulled away sharply.
“I do need to leave,” she corrected him. “In spite of what you might think of me, I know when I am not wanted, and you have made it so painfully clear that there is something that you want more than me. I am never going to beg to be needed, Your Grace.”
“But I do not want you to leave.”
“Then it would seem that neither of us shall have what we want. Leave me be.”
“Lady Cassandra–”
“Leave me be.”
She left him standing there, and she was pleased that he did not follow her for if he did, he would have seen that she was in tears. She was so tired of crying, for it was not something that she had ever done, yet all that she had seemed able to do of late was cry.
She packed her own belongings then and there, before asking a servant to take them down to a carriage. She did not feel a need to say her goodbyes to anyone in the household, for she had made herself perfectly clear to His Grace and she did not want to speak to them anymore.
Cassandra told herself that it was for the sake of her wanting to leave sooner, but part of her knew the truth. She did not know what to say to Philippa, nor to the Dowager. There was nothing for her to say, other than that she wished that it all could have been different.
“Cassandra, what happened?” her mother exclaimed when she saw her.
“Please do not start, Mother,” she sighed. “I cannot speak to you about it right now.”
“But you were supposed to be at the church right now.”
