Penny:How is that helpful? What is wrong with you?
Christian:We don’t have enough time to dive into Garrett’s issues right now. Let’s focus on Chad.
I snorted but it came out all ugly. This sucked. My world tilted on its axis, and the person who I thought would comfort me wasn’t there. Hayden had encouraged me to go for it, that I could get this and prove everyone wrong. He boosted me up so much that I believed in myself.
And now I felt as deflated as a day-old birthday balloon.
My phone buzzed a minute later, and hope burst into me like a bolt of lightning.Hayden!
Nope. My brother.
Christian:You know your worth but when you forget for a little bit, it’s our job to remind you. You’ll be okay. You’ll get through this Char.
My eyes stung even more because I had forgotten to take off my makeup. Looking like a sad, drowned raccoon, I had a full-on pity party. My mind jumped from one dramatic conclusion to the next. I should quit teaching at that school. It was a sign I shouldn’t coach. I should pull back my feelings for Hayden because they weren’t reciprocated. This was my usual cycle of despair before I yanked myself out of it.
This wasn’t my first moment with defeat, yet it hit differently and cut me deeply. This was the moment people talked about when someone wise would say,You’re in the middle of the storm, no way through it but through it. OrYou need the storm to find out who you are.
I didn’t want the storm! I worked my ass off to run that program, and I knew the girls. I wanted it more than Chad did and dang, this sucked.
Ugh. When did this sorrow shift from not getting the coaching job to maybe losing Hayden?
Stop. I wouldn’t make assumptions until I knew for sure. I put on my saddest playlist and got ready for bed, ready to cry myself to sleep. My heart broke, thinking about how differently this night could’ve gone. If Hayden were here, he could kiss away the tears or distract me from the sorrow. Yet he wasn’t.
My face hurt as I prepared for work the next morning. Crying had made me puffy. I didn’t fall asleep until past midnight, so dark circles matched the puffiness. It wasn’t my best look. Did I pair my black pants to match the tone? Or because I was in mourning of my hopes and dreams? I didn’t own much black, but I could debut the jumpsuit I had bought for a holiday party. Yeah, I’d wear all dark today to match my soul.
Shame clogged every breath, followed by disappointment. No one really prepared you for the day after you’re heartbroken. There were no guides on how to act. I couldn’t be normal, but it wasn’t fair to my students to not show up with only three days left until holiday break. I applied a layer of mascara and sighed, just as my phone buzzed.
Hayden.
His name popped up, and my stomach somersaulted. “Hayden, hi,” I answered, breathless.
“Hey, can you come outside for a minute?” His voice was scratchy, like he just woke up.
“You’re here?” I eyed the hallway that led to my front door. “Where’s Gwen?”
“She’s in the car. Bring a coat. It’s freezing.”
“You guys can come inside if it’s easier.”
“No, she’s asleep. I don’t want to wake her.”
I quickly checked my reflection, a flutter of concern edging its way down my chest. Why didn’t he ask to come inside? Gwen could absolutely come into my place, so having me go outside in the cold wasn’t a good sign. The balloon of worry expanded in my lungs as I put on a coat. It didn’t make sense to worry until I had a reason. He could be in a rush.
It’s Hayden.We were good now. I had no reason to freak out. I twisted the handle, held my breath, and stared into my boyfriend’s eyes.
Instead of the smolder or intensity I usually saw, it was bleak, defeated. I didn’t recognize him, and my stomach bottomed out.
He opened his mouth, shut it, and then said, “This isn’t going to work anymore.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
HAYDEN
The words left my mouth more harshly than I had intended. They spilled out, and I couldn’t take them back. My plan went to shit within two seconds, all from seeing Charlotte’s face twisted in despair. I clenched my fists in my coat pockets, digging my fingers into my palms to prevent myself from touching her.
“I mean—” I had fumbled this entire speech. “We should take a step back for a bit.”
That had some resemblance to my original plan, where I explained that I loved her but needed some time to figure out Simone and what happened next. Charlotte didn’t need to be a part of that complicated mess. Hell, I abandoned her last night, and the guilt of hurting her was almost too much for me. I didn’t have a choice. My dad called his buddy, a lawyer, who came over in the evening to discuss all the options. While I wasn’t going to go after Simone in court, I wanted to be prepared in caseshewent that direction.
