Before Simone, I was confident I could handle putting Gwen first and dating Charlotte. Now though? I could only handle Gwen and Simone. I ran a hand over my face, my gut twisting.
“Wh-what?” she stuttered. She blinked slowly.
“Look, Char, I lo—will always care for you. Nothing will change that. Some things happened, and I need to handle them. I can’t be with you while I’m navigating it.” Pain exploded behind my chest, sharp points of pressure stabbing my heart. The back of my throat throbbed with an ache.
Is this the right decision?a small voice in the back of my head piped up, but I shut it down. It didn’t matter if it was right, it’s what needed to happen. Hell, I was terrified to drop Gwen off with Frankie that morning, even though Simone would never know to find her there. This situation deserved all my time and attention.
“I don’t understand.” Charlotte wrapped her arms around her middle, her bottom lip trembling. “What happened? What changed from the other night where we…”
She struggled, and seeing her cry caused a crack in my heart. The urge to comfort her had me take a step forward, but I stopped myself from touching her. “Baby, I’m sorry.”
“Did I… do something?” she whispered.
“No. It’s not you at all.” The ache in my throat intensified. “It’s all me.”
“Is this fixable?” She wiped away a tear, staring at me with hopelessness. “Whatever you said that came up, can I help with it?”
“No, this isn’t something you can help with,” I said, my tone sharper than I meant. Charlotte was so good and kind, of course she’d want to help. I had to end this conversation. The longer it went on, the more likely I’d change my mind and pull her into me and beg forgiveness. “Simone showed up at my house yesterday, wanting to—”
“Holy shit!” Charlotte gasped. “She didn’t see Gwen, did she?”
“No—”
“What does she want? What did you do?” Charlotte’s hands came out to squeeze my forearms. Her eyes went wide, her mouth parted as she asked, “Areyouokay? This has to be so tough for you.”
I broke up with her a minute ago, and she was worried about me. I stepped back, her hands falling from my arms. “I met with a lawyer last evening, working through all the angles to protect Gwen. Simone needs to figure out what her plan is before I decide anything.”
She nodded, a resigned look crossing her face. “Hayden, is that why you’re putting distance between us? This isn’t a deal-breaker for me. I don’t know anything about the law, but I can be there for you. You’ll need—”
“No.” I shook my head, the pain in my chest worsening. A dodgeball-size lump sat behind my tongue. “I don’t need you around this.”
I had to get the fuck out of here. This gutted me, and I had no strength around her. But I owed her a huge apology. Apologizing when you fucked up was miserable. When it was an accident, it was easier, but this was intentional. Iknew what yesterday meant to her, but I chose to focus on Gwen. I could’ve called Charlotte to explain, but I was such a mess last night on top of feeling so bad about not being there that it was easier to avoid it.
“I want you to know, I am so damn sorry you didn’t get the job. We should’ve been together last night, and I left you to handle it alone. That’s a perfect example of why I need to step back. I’ll continue hurting you, so it’s best to remove myself from the situation.”
She hung her head, a heartbreaking sob escaping her. The helpless, horrible sound had my eyes stinging.
Walk away and get in the car and leave.
“You know,” she said, sniffing, “you’re right. I want someone who is willing to fight through the hard times. You’re running. I would happily stand by you and Gwen as you deal with Simone, but you’re not giving me the choice. You ignored me last night because it was hard? You didn’t want to… deal with me being sad? Yeah, maybedistanceis good, Hayden.”
She even finger quoted the worddistance.
My feet grew roots, holding me firmly in front of her doorstep. Her words were like swords piercing me. She was right. All her words, correct.
Tears rolled down her cheeks as she opened the door. “This heartbreak is worse than not getting the job. I guess I could thank you for lessening the disappointment. Goodbye, Hayden.”
She shut the door. The lock clicked. We were done. I wanted distance, with the foolish hope that once Simone decided whether she was staying or going, I’d beg forCharlotte’s forgiveness, but her words made it more final. Fuck.
Compartmentalize. I told Charlotte how important it was on the field, and I had to do it now to survive. I boxed up the ache from missing Charlotte and focused on Simone and Gwen.
Simone told me she’d call me today at 8:00 a.m., and that left me an hour to drop Gwen off with Frankie.
“Daddy, why was Lotte sad?” Gwen asked, the second I got into the car.
Damn kid asked the hard questions. “Because she didn’t get something she wanted really bad.”
“I don’t get things I want too. Maybe I can hug her?”
