Oh my god.My heart ached. This confused me even more. Were we seeing each other? I didn’t know. I wanted to see him. Be with him. But he didn’t do that! He said he didn’t! He never told me he wanted more! I knew from the start we weren’t more than friends. We’d continued to point out how different we were from the beginning, so why would I ever assume we were more? I’d fantasized about it but never assumed it would be a reality.
“No! Of course not.” I smiled again, the gesture so fake and painful. I was going to throw up. Cal would beat himself up over this, so I tried to be as direct as possible so he wouldn’t feel bador guilty. “I knew exactly what I was getting into with you. Now, we’ve said all we need to. I really can’t be late, so I gotta go.”
With that, I left him on the sidewalk and almost sprinted to the building. I didn’t wait to see if he followed as I ran into my apartment. I might’ve thought I had it together, but I didn’t. I really, really didn’t. My eyes stung, and I slid against the door, wrapping my arms around my knees. I loved him. Of all the people in the world, I had to fall in love with the guy who’d run away from me at the mention of his parents, then slept with someone else. The guy who didn’t dofeelingswhen that was all I did.
“Oh fuck.” Daniella stepped out of her room wearing a baggy shirt and hot pink shorts. “What did Cal do?”
“How do you know it’s Cal?” I sniffed.
“Because, honey, it’s clear you have it bad for him.” She joined me at the door and pulled me to my feet. “What do you need? Ice cream, popcorn, alcohol?”
“Cookie dough.”
“Then let’s get some.”
Without missing a beat, she grabbed her keys and dragged me out of the apartment. “There’s a place Cami showed me that has the best dessert. It’s hidden, but it’s what you would sayromantic.”
“Can’t think of a better date than you.”
“Aw.” She intertwined our arms and guided us down the road toward campus. I couldn’t help but scan the area for Cal. Was he upstairs? Was he out with her again? Was he walking around worried about me? It sucked to still care so much for him.
“Now, explain everything.”
“Well, to sum it up in a logline, hopeless romantic tries to not fall for the emotionally damaged athlete, who had been nothing but upfront about what they would be the entire time, and fails miserably.”
“I wouldn’t see that movie. Sounds too dramatic.”
I snorted, and Dani put her head on my shoulder. Thank god for her. I could pretend I’d be fine at work but for how long? We’d intertwined our lives so much that it’d be impossible to ignore him. “Shit, we’re supposed to meet up tomorrow for our tutoring sessions.”
“I think you can cancel.”
“But I don’t want to let him down, I do care about him as a friend too.”
“Babe, text him that you’re not feeling well, go a day without seeing him. It’ll do you both good.”
She was right. Probably. My soul hurt, and the question swirled around my head over and over. How would I ever move on from him when I saw him all the time? Was I destined to love someone who refused to love me back? What happened next?
CHAPTER
TWENTY-FOUR
Cal
Something wasn’t right. Even though Elle’s words said one thing, her eyes said another. Her posture had been too rigid and her voice slightly off. Then she cancelled our meetup, saying she didn’t feel well?
I called bullshit, but I didn’t know why? If she was upset with me about thinking I slept with someone else, why didn’t she tell me that? She said it was fine. That I could be with whoever because we weren’t anything but friends, but fuck, that hurt. Wasshesleeping with other people? God, the thought made me feral.
After the way she’d defended me to her brother, did she still want to just be friends? I’d heard every word and couldn’t recall a time someone had defended me. My mom and dad would, but I was happy back then.
So why stand up for me?
Because she was kind, thoughtful, and wonderful.
The pain in my gut wouldn’t be settled by food or drinks or going out. It was deeper than that. I tossed a stress ball up anddown as I lay on my bed, unsure of what to do. If she was legit sick, that could explain her weird mood. I could bring her soup! Yes. My dad always got soup when my mom was sick. Unless… she was on her period? That was a logical explanation! I could get chocolate and a romance book, but what if she already owned it?
I could attach the receipt. Yeah. That’d work.
I couldn’t sit here and do nothing when I knew something was off. I missed my old Elle, the one I’d left when I ran after talking about my parents, when emotions had overwhelmed me. Watching that bar fight and knowing one tiny little accident could’ve hurt her had made me think of my parents. I avoided thinking about their death so much that it had caught me off guard. My initial reaction was to rebel and push away any feelings, to isolate myself into my lonely world until I could breathe again.
