But then Michael’s visit and Elle’s unannounced visit happened, and somewhere along the way, my Elle changed. After she heard Cami’s laugh.
Because she has feelings for me.
Hope was a bitch because I wanted that to be true so fucking badly, but she’d never said a word. Ugh, why had I let her think Cami was another woman? I should’ve invited Elle in! Made Ryann and Cami introduce themselves. Stopped Elle from running away. But I hadn’t done any of those things because I was an idiot and wanted her to think poorly of me in a low moment of terrible self-protection. If she hated me, then I’d stop wishing for more.
My phone buzzed, and my agent’s name popped up. Peter was a nice guy for a sports agent, and it had been a few months since he’d called. “Hey, Peter.”
“A bar fight?”
“Shit.” I sat up. “What do you know?”
“News article saying you punched some guy? He’s in the press saying he wants to press charges when he learned who punched him.” He clicked his tongue. “Todd Farmington, local business owner and alumni of Central State, says Cal Holt was overly aggressive with him and assaulted him after a joke.The guy swung out of nowhere. It’s clear his aggression and anger doesn’t stay on the ice. I say, leave it on the rink, bud.”
“Jesus.” I hissed. Bad press was the last thing I needed for the team or my future. Worry wedged its way between my shoulder blades, and I put the phone on speaker to stretch them out. Tension in my back affected my play, and life without the NHL? I couldn’t even imagine it. It was my future, the thing that had held me together all these years. “That’s not what happened, by the way.”
“I figured.”
“Wait, really?” My voice rose.
“Yeah, you’re an asshole, not an idiot. You wouldn’t punch unless triggered. So, what did happen, so I can help squash the BS?”
Asshole, not an idiot.That should be my next tattoo. I laughed. “He grabbed my girl, the bartender. She has bruises, and it’s all documented. He was being a complete dick too, but him touching her after she said no multiple times was what set me off. She looked terrified.”
Just thinking about it got my blood pumping again, the fear, the way I’d pushed her away and regretted it two seconds later.
“Got it. Good for you then. So,your girl?”
“Oh, no, the bartender. We’re friends.”
“Sure. Your voice is strange.”
“No, it’s nothing. I’m… it’s fine. Just more complicated than I thought.”
“Alright. I’ll stop bugging ya. If you get charged officially, let me know. I think this guy is wanting his three seconds of fame.”
“Will do.”
“How’s school?”
We chatted for fifteen minutes about hockey, the path to still finish my major, and exploring the option of finishing early. If I took online classesanda full load, I could graduate junior year and then head to the NHL. The thought intrigued me more than I would’ve assumed. But Elle’s face came to mind…could I leave her? Did I want to?
“I’ll come down once the season starts, and we can get a drink. Glad to hear you’re doing well, you seem… different. Good, but different.”
“Bye, Peter.”
I hung up as he laughed and, I digested what he said. I did feel different, but I blamed that on getting the tattoo. Reframing how I thought about my parents. But realistically, I knew it was Elle. God, I had to fix things.
Even if that meant admitting to her how I felt. Michael could throw feelings around without breaking into hives. His sister, too, didn’t seem scarred and messed up. Maybe I could get that way also? Being rejected by Elle though… I wasn’t sure I could survive it. She looked at me with warmth and love one second but then glacial indifference the next. The same nagging feeling returned, that I had a narrow window to prove to her I’d be worth it and that it had already passed.
The same pressure built behind my ribs, and I exhaled. Sitting here in the apartment would make me lose it.
Keeping busy eased my mind, so I went to the store to get stuff for Elle. I’d leave something outside her door in the morning. Then, when she was feeling better, we could talk. Really talk. That’d buy me time to figure out what I wanted to say because I had no idea.
Just that I wanted her around me all the time and to touch her and hold her and feed her. I enjoyed her laugh andexpressions and wanted to make her world the best place ever. I bought chocolate, flowers, soup and crackers, and two romance books the lady at the desk recommended. I put each in separate bags, depending onwhyshe didn’t feel good, and paused at the cards.
She was romantic, and I was the complete opposite. I could write her a card? No, I sucked at writing. What I could do though… an idea hit. A not-terrible one, probably. Reading and writing were really important to her. I could donate money to a local business that helped kids learn how to read! Or to the library! They always needed donations.
I bought the items and went back to the apartment. After some research online, I found two centers near campus that could benefit with a few extra thousand dollars. I used their online portal for donations and hit submit. I smiled, finally feeling like I’d done something right. Instead of cards, I found a pale sticky note and wrote two of them:
