A great guy. Handsome, polite and never talked about himself too much.Hewould be the right person to give my heart to. I just hadn’t gotten it back yet. We touched fingers accidentally as we walked, and I giggled, not feeling the rush of butterflies or tingles like I did with Tanner. Felix took my hand in his and intertwined our fingers, swaying our hands back and forth as we approached the house. “I can’t remember the last time I held hands with a girl.”
“Me, neither,” I deadpanned, hating how guilty I felt. He deserved to have all my attention, not bits and pieces. I sighed and debated how to tell him. He stopped us in the driveway and put his hands on my shoulders.
“I’m going to be honest with you.”
“Oh?” My body tensed with whatever he was going to say. He smiled and brushed my hair out of my face.
“You’re incredible and I had an amazing time. I’ve had a crush on you since the first time I met you, but I know when someone isn’t into me.”
I closed my eyes, ashamed at how easy he could read me, but he lifted my chin with his fingers. His face held nothing but patience and I would’ve given anything to feel a spark with him.Just to get over Tanner.“Felix…”
“Look, don’t feel bad. I see your anguish and it’s okay. I had a great time with you and would love to spend more time with you, when you’re ready.”
“I feel awful about this. You’re…the best.” I winced, totally putting him into thenice guycategory. “I’m not in the best head space right now and I was excited you asked me for dinner. It isn’t fair to you, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. We’re the new kids here. We can be friends, if you want?” He looked so hopeful that I nodded a little too hard and threw my arms around him.
“I really need a friend. I can be a good one for you, too,” I said into his neck. He ran his hands up and down my back, not going too far low, and squeezed. Then he released me.
“Friends it is.” His dark brown eyes—not the same color as Tanner’s but similar—sparkled at me, and he jutted his chin to the porch. “I’ll still walk you to the door.”
“Such a fucking gentleman,” I mumbled, earning a loud cackle from him. We rounded the sidewalk and approached the stairs. A large, dark figure sat on the porch chair in the dark.Tanner.Jesus.
“I do what I can. Oh, hey, TJ.” Felix waved and brought his hand to my face. “Until next time.”
“Thank you,” I said, hating how easy it was with him. He cupped my chin and gave it a quick squeeze before he walked back onto the street. Thinking about the conversation that was to come made my heart hurt, and I gave myself a pep talk.
He hasn’t changed.
He’s jealous, not committed.
He’ll break me even more.
I exhaled and put on my bravest face, spinning around and crossing my arms. “I’m assuming you ordered food because there would be no reason for you to be out here.”
“Did he kiss you?” His voice sounded scratchy, as if he hadn’t had a drink of water for days. I stared at his blue shirt, rather than his eyes, because seeing any pain in them would weaken my resolve.
“Not sure how it’s your business, but no. He did not.”
He sighed, relief evident on his face. “Did you have a good time on your date?”
“Why are you doing this?” I threw my hands into the air. “We don’t have a future, Tanner. This is just prolonging the inevitable. I might’ve said I didn’t want a boyfriend, but Idowant someone I can go on dates with, introduce to my brother—hell, someone I can see more than two times a week if there isn’t a baseball game.”
“Kenzie…” He got up from the chair and moved closer to me. He looked messed up, hair disheveled, dark eyes, stubble on his jaw he hadn’t shaved in a while. It would be easy to fall into that trap, so I opened the door. “Please.”
“Please, what, Tanner?” I snapped. My poor heart couldn’t handle any more sadness or angst. It was already filled with thoughts of my dad, starting college and my idiot brother.
“Tell me what I have to do.”
“There is nothingtodo, okay? We want different things and the fling ran its course.” I hated how my eyes stung, and how the words felt like huge lies, clogging my throat with their falsehoods. But it was better that way. The door shut and with it my control. I ran up to my temporary room and counted down the hours until I could be at the dorm.
* * * *
Two days later, I got my wish. Our housing coordinator emailed us that the dorms were ready for early move-in for those who’d signed up for it. In a series of super-excited texts, Lorelei, Rachel and I decided I’d move in first since they were out of town. I’d set up shop for them, get my bed ready and scope out our neighbors on each side. I couldn’t wait to get out of the house. Seeing Tanner walk around shirtless was enough to break the strongest woman. It was as if he was trying to lure me back to him…and it almost worked, twice.
“Kenz, this summer went quicker than I thought.” Aaron plopped onto Jeff’s bed and gave me a long look. “You excited to move into the dorm with your new friends?”
“Yeah, I am.” I smiled and finished putting my belongings into my suitcases. I’d begun preparing for the move days ago and almost everything was ready. Jeff’s room held no traces of my short time there and while it was a bit sad, it was like closing a good book. “The next Chapter. I’ve been waiting a long time for this.”
