It doesn't matter that our motivation with Jamie quickly changed when we met him and were sucked into his bright blue eyes. We lied by omission. We used him to hurt her.
I might be taller and wider than Ellis, but my heart is vulnerable beneath all the muscle. Hurting them is not an option, so they'll never know. Doesn't mean I feel good about it.
Like a coward, I shift the conversation and wrap my arms around his waist. "So we won't let them go easily becauseAwe deserve an apology and explanation from V, andBJamie is under our skin and we want him?"
Ellis sighs and thumps his forehead onto my shoulder. "Sums it up."
I want to tell him I don’t know if I can pull this off, but I let it go for now. Who knows, maybe Jamie will block us from his life, and Violet will run screaming the next time she sees us.
One thing is for sure though; wewillbe seeing them again.
Journal Entry
Fact or lie? The hard version.
It's my fault that Ellis and Nate are angry. Fact.
I broke their hearts. Fact.
They hate me. I think so.
They want Jamie. Most likely a fact.
I'm standing between them and happiness (Jamie) again. Fact.
I have the power to give them what I took. Fact.
I'm holding Jamie back from something that could be really wonderful for him. A fact that's been true for a looooong time.
I should step away from all three. Fact.
I can step away. I don't think I can.
I want to be happy too. Fact.
Jamie makes me happy. ...........Fact.
Admitting that is hard. Fact.
I can handle sharing Jamie. We will have to see.
Twenty-One
VIOLET
My life has turned into something completely unrecognizable. Just a few weeks ago, I wasfine.
Mom and everyone back in Chicago wouldn't agree, and I'm sure Cassidy would cry if I told her I was fine before. Honestly, they would all probably prefer I have a breakdown because they would have hope. Hope that once I crash and burn I will get better. I’d show my feelings and work toward a better future.
What's the saying? There's always a rainbow on the other side of a storm or something?
It's hard to believe that there will be something beautiful after this. Doubting there will be anafteris where I'm at. A different metaphor might fit this better. I can actually imagine the scene that's making me tremble and chew my nails to the nub.
I'm drowning. The sun is shining, highlighting all the crystal currents around me. So beautiful, yet they drag me deeper.
The longer I'm underwater, the more air escapes my lungs. Bubbles sparkle and warp as they slip from my lips. They rise and rise until I lose sight of my life source.
I can't hold my breath any longer. Can't hold on to these small bubbles of air. I'm losing my grasp on life, and the fight is leaking out of me.
