My final exhale burns my chest and climbs up my throat as the water becomes darker, murkier.
Then, it escapes and rushes for the surface. My bubbles literally flee my dying body to save themselves.
The longer I struggle, the faster I lose myself.
The more I think about it, that scene has lasted seven fucking years. I've been struggling for a long time, but I've made the suffocating pain easy to ignore by allowing the ache to burn inside of me. I've deserved it.
Now, to top it off, I'm faced with another horrible mistake.
I feel so,soawful for what I did to Nate and Ellis. Pushing them from my thoughts forso long didn't diminish the guilt. If anything, ignoring it made it so much worse.
Seeing them again and hearing the anger in their voices hit the boundaries I've put up. They're from a time in my life when I thought everything was going to be okay. When I was happy and hopeful.
Nate and Ellis had all my positive energy.
It makes sense that they were drawn to Jamie. Jamie is such an outgoing guy who demands smiles and conversation. They found a guy who can match their energy and laugh during the tough times. Jamie works with them.
He's everything I used to be.
Jamie's bubbly. A dominant kind of bubbly who has a lot of tattoos and can be a bit dangerous, but he's still excitable and loving.
Bubbly.
Bubbles.
My heart aches every time I recall how Ellis used his old nickname for me. It hurt more than anything he could have thrown at me. Ellis flayed me without even knowing it just by using one darn word.
If he knew how dull and sad I've gotten, he would never call me that again. Everything Nate and Ellis loved about me evaporated with every pop of the bubbles that made me, me.
Ievaporated. I disappeared and didn't tell them why. Wrapped up in my own issues, I broke up with them using silence. The same way Mom's guys did when they were young.
Suddenly all the ways Roman, Felix, Declan, andJared groveled comes to the forefront of my mind.I should grovel.
Gosh, I'm so embarrassed and feel so bad I could throw up.
"Violet, are you listening to me?"
Blinking, I realize Cassidy's talking to me. She’s sitting on the other side of the couch, staring at me with concern. "What? No, sorry."
"I'm not even going to ask if you're okay, because I can tell you're not. You were mugged just days ago," she reminds me unnecessarily. I don't correct her that that isn't what's bothering me.
Jamie explained that I was hurt when he drove her home from the club last weekend. He didn't tell her anything else. When he brought me home the next day, I didn't offer Cassidy any more information than he gave her. She knows I was mugged, and that's enough for now while I figure out how I'm going to fix my messes.
I have two men from my past pursuing the man of my present. The conversation about Jamie’s and my future that I wanted to have has been put on pause because who knows what the heck will happen.
I've had way too much time to fester in my thoughts. For the past few days, I've listened to Jamie and continued to ice my hip and rest. It's nasty yellow right now, but it barely hurts anymore. Not like my brain.
There's a lot of pain in this situation, and I don't know where to start.
"Violet, helllooooo?"
Wincing, I focus on Cass. "Quick, tell me what you want to say because I'm super spacey."
"I need you to meet me at the address I sent to you on your birthday. I would drive you, but I have to pick something up on the way which is your birthday surprise. Sound good?"
"Sounds good," I agree, half listening because my phone vibrated while she was talking, and it's Jamie. We've been texting a lot, keeping things light, but I haven't seen him since he delivered my car to me yesterday.
"What did he say?" Cassidy smirks, eyeing my phone like there could be a nude on it.
