And exactly what I don't want to be.
This room is me. We both have potential, and we're crying out for life and color.
With that thought in mind, I pull my phone out of my hoodie pocket and slump onto my bed. "Alright, Jamie. What do you have to say to me?" I murmur at the dark screen.
Turning it on, I send a quick message to Mom and Roman that I made it home safely, then I'm ready to face my fears.
Jamie Murphy hasa lotto say.
His messages start incredibly frantic and apologetic. Exasperation bleeds into his words as we get closer to today’s date. He wants to know if I'm safe and begs for me to allow him the chance to apologize in person.
I can feel the anger through the screen as I read the messages from this evening. Again he's asking me where I am, and if I'm coming home soon. That's all he asks, but I can tell there's more he wanted to text me.
"Cassidy!" I call out as I stand.
Skipping into my doorway wearing nothing but a towel, Cassidy smiles at me. "Hey, I rushed through my shower to come see you!"
She looks so happy to see me that I can't help but smile. "Missed you. Did Jamie come here? I got a text asking when I would come home, so he must know I wasn't here."
Her face twists into a scowl. "Yeah, he was here like an hour ago demanding I tell him where you were."
"Did you tell him I went home for a few days?" I should have known Jamie would have come to find me if I ignored him. He's always so pushy. No way would he take my silence as acceptable after our fight.
A sly smirk tugs on her freckles around her face, so I brace myself for what she's about to say. "No. I didn't tell him where you were or who you were with."
"But?" No way that's all she said. She looks way too proud of herself for that to be all.
Cassidy turns around and heads to her bedroom. I'm hot on her heels waiting with bated breath for her to tell me what happened. My heart is pounding, and I'm not quite sure why.
My friend disappears into her closet, but I wait, knowing she's getting dressed. I'm not surprised when she comes out in a short tight dress considering it's Friday.
Bypassing me, she sits in front of her floor-length mirror and starts applying her makeup. "He asked if you were with a guy. The vein in his forehead almost burst when I told him you were actually withfourmen. Maybe six, since there was a possibility your mama's male friends were visiting too."
"Jesus," I breathe, scrubbing my hands down my face. "Please tell me you told him they were family and didn't make me sound like a hussy."
Frowning into the mirror, Cassidy looks at me in the reflection. "I left it open for interpretation because I thought it didn't matter."
My breath explodes out of me as I throw my hands in the air. "Of course it matters, Cass! Why would you do that?!"
"Why does it matter?" Her voice is so damn calm it makes my annoyance rise, which, if I were using my brain, I would realize is her intent.
"Because now Jamie will think I slept with a ton of other men after our fight!"
"So?"
My chest inflates as I prepare to bellow that I don't want Jamie to think that about me because it matters. Becausehematters.
Instead of falling for her sneaky trap to get me to admit my feelings, I shift our conversation as the need to see Jamie grows. "I'll DD for you tonight."
Cassidy smirks. "You going to see him, huh?"
Flipping her off over my shoulder, I walk out of her room to freshen up. I'm not sure what I plan on saying to Jamie tonight. I just know I have to see him. To hear his voice. I need him to wrap me in his acceptance and encourage me to open up.
I don't bother texting him, but it's not a conscious choice. Many times I show up at his place looking for a good time.
This will be a tough time, but it's the only next step.
No more running.
