Staying meant putting him at risk. Staying meant endangering him. Staying would mean my insidious nature continued to tarnish his beauty.
And I fucking refused.
Not happening, notever, his light needed to shine, his beauty was everything to me.
One footfall in front of the other, I swallowed every reply I wished to utter. It’d be far easier if he hated me, despised me for leaving him here when I promised I’d never abandon him. If I walked out, not offering him another word, I would achieve the one thing I’d begged from him in the bathroom at the club.
Ineededhim toloatheme, because with loathing came distance, and with distance came safety.
Memorizing his words and the adoration he extended to me, my fingers curled around the door handle. I wanted nothing more than to turn around for one more second to memorize his face: the light dusting of freckles that rolled across his cheeks and nose, the subtle hint of green that danced in his irises whenever he was happy, the slope of his nose and his high-set cheekbones, the messy layers of his hair and the silkiness of his locks.
But I couldn’t.
If I gave in, I wouldn’t leave, and if I didn’t leave… If I didn’t leave…Thiscould happen all over again.
Oren’s breathing became panicked, beeping growing louder behind me as a guttural cry left him. “I-If you walk out, I will chase you. C-Crawl out of this bed because I will never hate you. I will always come running because… because I love you, and it terrifies you.”
Twisting the knob, I settled into a wound that existed with the entire group, the reply coming from me with the harshness I wished to deliver, even though it was the furthest thing I wished to utter. “I’m sureyourfriends won’t let you do such a thing. They had no issue turning their backs on me. They’ve always stayed for you though, Oren. Always. And they always will.”
I ripped the door open, the commotion of the hallways flooding into the room. The fluorescent lights overhead nearly became too much, their unnatural hue intensifying the headache blooming behind my eyes. My hand responded in tandem, bones and ligaments shattered beneath my remorse, an anguish none of them bothered to coax.
I’d always been alone. Replaceable. Unreachable.
And I planned to remain that way.
A ghost. A whisper on a forgotten wind. A man despised for his soullessness because it was far easier to be hated than loved by someone else.
Which is exactly who I became as I crossed the threshold, leaving behind the man who still held my heart and would until I stopped breathing. Turning my back on my best friend, someone who I thought I’d follow from this life into the next. And abandoning the team members I would’ve continued willingly sacrificing myself for.
I was crafted for a life of solitude. A life away from everyone else because no matter how hard I tried to be good, I’d always remain the villain in everyone else’s story.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
OREN
A year later
Shifting the bag across my shoulder, I headed down the sidewalk toward my first class of the day, arm in arm with the fucking idiot himself.
Simon.
One-legged and full of spite, he’d elected to tell meaftermy recovery that he could draw. A passion he’d left to collect dust like the easels he’d tossed aside. We’d managed to escape the confines of that base and decided to chase our passions.
When Simon had mentioned returning to school to pursue animation, I decided to follow, my heart needing something to hold onto in the absence of the man I still loved. Art became a crutch, a way to ease the ache that remained from watching him leave that day in the hospital. It soothed, but never erased him.
Thorne had been an enigma, a unique man born in shadows and formed in the darkness he’d been forced into. And yet, I’d never met anyone softer… Never met anyone with a more selfless heart than him. A man who protected everyone around him… protected others the way he wished someone would have protected him. He was a broken man who’d torn pieces of his essence to rectify those around him, to lift their burdens.
I missed his smile, the way his eyes ignited with flames at the mention of something he loved. I missed his laughter, the way it coaxed me in layers of warmth far more comforting than the sun’s rays. I missed his touch, the way he caressed me as if I was breakable… as if I was a precious stone worthy of being carried. I missed his strength… the strength he maintained for himself and those he loved. He was stronger than anyone else, and I admired that about him. I missed his ability to read a room, as if he was plotting three steps ahead.
But most of all I missedhim. All of him, despite the flaws. All I’d ever seen was a wall of protection—a way to prevent others from discovering what lay between the cracks.
I’dseenbetween those lines, and that’s who I’d fallen in love with. The Thorne Graves no one else bothered to learn. The Thorne Graves who was silly, kind, selfless, charming, loyal, and endearing.
I’d attempted to leave my bed when no one else had gone after him, disbelief and horror coating me that they’dlethim walk out the door. I’d shouted and screamed, hell,beggedsomeone to take me to him, but it was as if everyone was frozen. As if they didn’t understand how easy it was for him to shut people out—people who were supposed to fight for him and yet didn’t.
Especially Matt, who’d stared at his disappearing frame, his hands clenched at his sides. I wasn’t sure if it was pride or disappointment brooding across his shoulders, but it didn’t matter. Matt knew he’d fucked up, and I didn’t care if he said he deserved to lose him. He let himleave.
Cutting through my thoughts, Simon’s playfulness filled my mind. “I’ve heard the hottest professors work here. You know. In case you were ready to explore open waters again.”
