“I’m here to study, that’s all.” No part of me wished to touch another man. It was repulsive, because it’d be a lie to my soul. “Nowyoushould figure out if you’re exploring open waters or telling Liam how you feel.”
“This conversation was not aboutme,” he retorted quickly. “Besides, you can’t sit here and tell me there aren’t various amounts of eye candy here. Hell, it’s like the water they drink here is different and there’s…” His words faded. He stopped in his tracks, his palm slamming into my chest. “No fucking way.”
“Ow, what the fuck are you doing?” I swatted his hand away, my gaze drifting upward to where Simon was staring.
Leaning against the pillar, chatting with a professor, his inexcusable height caused my stomach to flip with sinking realization. Clad in dark dress pants, he crossed his legs over one another with a casual grace, the belt he wore visible, his grey dress shirt tucked beneath his waistband. The black trench coat he wore only accentuated his frame, the peaks of his biceps decipherable beneath it. Slicked back, his hair had grown, combed to perfection and sophistication. But it wasn’t the sight of the locks I’d forced him to cut off, growing back; it was the glasses that sat on the bridge of his nose, finalizing his look.
Thorne. It wasThorne.
Smoothing out my blue cardigan, I glanced down, a grimace forming on my face. Black slacks accentuated my hips, the peek of brown from my shoes aiding another pop of color. My hair was tousled, the blonde wisps curling in the wind as I desperately tried to flatten them behind my ear.
Fuck. I look like shit.
“What ishedoing here?” Simon questioned, not out of annoyance but genuine curiosity. “Thorne fucking Graves? At a university? Oren?”
“I-I can’t… He doesn’t… I mean—Fuck, I can’t do this,” I muttered, my fingernails digging into the strap across my chest. Every ounce of emotion hurdled itself into my chest, that devotion still unwavering for a man I hadn’t seen in a year. I was still smitten, my heart screaming for him.
Watching him from afar, he raised the mug he held to his lips, taking a small swig—undoubtedly tea based on the style of the ceramic. Unaware of my prodding gaze, he continued with his discussion, the two speaking with one another as if there were a familiarity there that went beyond the titles of professor and student. And as if the world wished to spite me, Thorne tipped his head back, a raw and unfiltered laugh tumbling from between his parted lips.
He waslaughingwhile I… I?—
Without a second glance at Simon, I trekked the rest of the path to his frame, my nostrils flaring as I stood my ground in front of him. “I guess colleges just hire anyone, don’t they?”
Thorne’s gaze met mine, shock filling his irises. As my question settled, his jaw feathered, his attention returning to the male he was speaking with. “It seems I’ve got something to handle. I’ll catch you around, Sebastian.”
“Sounds good,” the newly-namedSebastianreplied, turning on his heel without question to leave the two of us alone.
“What… What are you doing here?”
“I teach Criminal Investigation and Forensics. Seems my time in the ranks proved beneficial forsomethingother than murder.” I scoffed and went to turn away but without a second’s hesitation, Thorne’s fingers curled around my arm, ripping me from the main pathway and into an alcove. “What the fuckareyoudoing here?”
“I’ve got something tohandle?” I repeated, ignoring the information he offered, shoving his hand from mine while trying to brush off the burning it left. “I’m not the one fuckinglaughingwith some other guy as if…” I bit the inside of my cheek, shoving those words back, because I wasn’t his even if I desperately wished for that to be different.
“As ifwhat,Oren?” he snapped, shoving me back into the wall. “As if fucking what?”
“As if you leaving didn’t fucking hurt,” I shouted, my shoes scraping against the floor from the angle he pinned me with. “You’re laughing while I… I’ve done nothing butsuffer!”
He exhaled, running his free hand down his face. “He’s my fucking colleague, Oren.”
“Oh, afuckingcolleague? That’s all, right? You just laugh with everyone now?” I wasn’t sure why seeing him laugh irked me to the point I was grinding my teeth, my gaze refusing to glance from those honeyed hues I still dreamed about.
“What the fuck else am I supposed to do when none of the people I thought cared for me bothered to follow? Bothered to check in? To text? To fucking call? What the fuck else wouldyoulike me to do when my best friend, who I’d known for years, turned his back on me for someone he’d known for mere weeks?” Slamming his palm against the wall beside my head, he lowered himself to meet me. “You’vebeen suffering? Have youever,for once in your fucking life, thought aboutanyonebut yourself?”
“You,” I answered. “Only you. You are the only person I’ve ever thought about other than myself. I-I can’t speak for them, but those nights in the hospital were torturous, because I couldn’t followyou. I didn’t know if you were alive, if you were hurt, if you were struggling to sleep. If… If you were happy or sad. I didn’t know if you werebreathing, and that’s how I suffered.”
“I haven’tbreathedin a year, Oren.” Shoving himself from the bricks, he shook his head. “Every goddamn person I loved showed me exactly how worthless I was that day. But how convenient for you to be holed up in a hospital, right?”
“I tried to leave… Itried.” A shuddering breath released from my chest. “I never made it far before they forced me to lie down, but I would’ve rather bled on that goddamn floor than remain trapped away from you.”
A scoff of disbelief left him, his anguish recognizable in his words. “Howkindof them to care for you that much. I’m happy they at least held the character I figured they would with you, coaxing you back to health and ensuring you were able to thrive once more.”
“Thenursesdid,” I spat. “Liam and Simon visited, but I was alone for months. They had lives of their own, and Matt… Matt turned on himself. Harboring such hatred for the lies he’d believed and crafted, he didn’t visit. I think the guilt riddled him useless, but it doesn’t matter. Hell, it doesn’t even matter that I healedalone. No one… No one rescued you when you needed someone the most.”
“I don’t need your fucking sympathy,” he seethed, but I could hear it, the minor fracture in his timbre. “I’m glad you’re going to school, Oren. I’m glad you got the fuck out of there. Hopefully, you can find a life beyond those walls that you’ve always dreamed of.”
“I don’t have a life,” I said, blinking back the dam threatening to release itself. “My life died the moment you exited. I have no heart, no home, no purpose. I’m trying… trying to find my passions, but it’s impossible when the string holding my heart is gone. I don’t wish to offer sympathy, Thorne,” I whispered. “I wish to give you a moment to grieve, to feel, to expel the thoughts and emotions you keep contained.”
“That’s what I did in your room that day, and all it did, all it led to was me making a fucking fool of myself in front of the people who I’d convinced myself hadcared.” Turning, his back greeted me, the recollection of him leaving slamming into me with a force that nearly robbed me of the air I breathed. “There’s nothing left to talk about. What’s done is done. The damage is already there. I wish you the best of luck during your studies,Oren Valens.”
