“Sit down,” Taroc said.
I turned back with a dubious look. “Are you sure?”
“Just sit the fuck down, Ember.”
I sat down.
After a few minutes of silent eating, I asked, “So why were you sitting alone?”
“I like to start the day with a quiet meal. It focuses me,” Taroc said.
“Fuck. I'm sorry. I can go sit with the others.”
“No.” He touched my hand to stop me from lifting my plate. “You can stay. I'm focused enough.”
I looked down at his hand. It was a warrior's hand. Strong, broad, and with blunt nails, but clean. Unlike Xae, Taroc was fastidious when it came to his hygiene. Shit, that sounded bad. Xae wasn't stinky or dirty. He did what he had to do to keep clean and healthy, but just that. Trimming his nails? He didn't have time for that shit. He just chewed them off when they got too long. This man did not chew his nails. He was a combination of my lovers—with Xae's brawn and Rath's elegance. Strong, silent, and self-possessed, but also genteel, wise, and mysterious. I had a sudden and consuming desire to unravel the mystery of Taroc.
Taroc withdrew his hand slowly. “I heard about your run-in with the Corrupter. You all right?”
“Yeah. I . . .” Staring into his blue eyes—bluer than the sea—I had the urge to tell him everything. I almost blurted out my secret about Death. There was something about him that made me feel as if he wouldn't judge me or betray my secrets. “I'm all right as far as that's concerned.”
Taroc sipped his coffee, his stare never leaving my face. “Everyone expects you to be happy with your lot.”
I swallowed past the sudden dryness in my throat, then whispered, “Yes.” After clearing my throat, I added, “Well, most do. Rath and Xae have tried to be supportive.”
“But they still think you have it better than them?”
“I don't know. They haven't said that, but I get the feeling they do.” I shrugged. “And I think it too. Of course, I do. I don't have to share anyone. I get to pursue more lovers while I'm committed to them.”
“But you're not the kind of man who wants to pursue more lovers while already committed.” He went back to his meal, just so casual and calm, leaving me to respond or not.
“No, I'm not. I keep telling myself this is wonderful, and I should embrace it. And when I'm with Keltyr, I'm happy. I want to be with him. I think he would be great with us. He'd bring the lightheartedness we need. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one with a sense of humor. But then I see what my being with Kel does to Xae and Rath, and it kills me. I don't want my happiness to come at the price of theirs. They keep telling me it will be better once they've bonded with the new—”
“Bonded?” Taroc interrupted me.
“Yeah. Uh, when I share my magic . . . Oh, fuck. I don't know how it happens or even what exactly happens. I just know that I felt this strange sensation after Rath joined us. He and Xae had been at odds over me. After the Emperor told me about my destiny, they decided to move past it. But I could still feel their reluctance. Then we all connected. I had a bond with each of them, a magical bond my love for them forged, and when we all came together, I formed a bridge between them with those bonds. All that stuff that had been holding them back disappeared. They're united now. Sometimes it feels as if they're closer to each other than to me. Especially when they gang up on me.”
“So, they're all right with sharing you between them, but not with others?”
“Right. They're assuming it will be the same with whoever I choose next. That he will become a part of that bond. But what if he doesn't? What if I don't love him as much as I love them? What if I don't form the same connection with him? Or what if I do love him but nothing happens?”
“You're overthinking it. What will be will be. Let it go, Ember. Just behave as you would if you were not committed. Don't let Ratharin or Xaedren worry you, and don't let what you think you should do affect you either. Just be you. If you're happy with Keltyr, be with Keltyr. If you think you're pushing yourself too hard, then stop. There's no rush.”
“Isn't there? The sooner I can empower more Wraith Lords, the sooner this war will end.”
Taroc's voice went gentle, “The war has lasted centuries. What's a few more years?” He stretched out his hand.
I took it without thought, as if we held hands every day. And it felt so comfortable to sit there with him like that. His warmth transferred to me through that firm grip, and his confidence reassured me.
“Take a breath,” he said.
I took a breath and let it out.
“You're alive. You have two men you love dearly. You have the power to protect all three of you. And you'll be able to share that power with the next man you love. But don't rush it. Love can't be rushed. If you chase it or pressure it into forming, it will vanish. Believe me. Besides, the rest of us Wraith Lords aren't exactly weaklings. We will survive without your magic.”
I stared at him for a few seconds, then gathered the courage to ask, “Do you want to spend some time with me today?”
Taroc let go of my hand.
