“She said you would have transformed me into another Corrupter if I had fallen for your tricks.”
“That's not true. Nor is it something she could know. I don't want to make you into another Corrupter. I never wanted Aranren to become the Corrupter.”
“I don't believe you.”
“Ridiculous! I could help you, Ember. I saved you yesterday. I went against Aranren for you.”
“As far as I know, that could have been all for show.”
“For show?”
“Yeah. Maybe the Corrupter doesn't want me dead. Maybe he's calmed down and realizes that he wants to try to lure me to his side again. If I was using Death Magic, it would be easier for him to seduce me.”
“That is nonsense!”
“I don't think so. Everyone knows that Death Magic is evil. The only ones who say otherwise are you and the Corrupter. Sorry, but I can't take your word on it.”
“Fool! The only reason Death Magic is seen as evil is because Aranren's the only one who has dared to use it.”
And then he was gone.
Maybe I was a fool. The Consciousness of Death Magic had saved my life. That was true. I wasn't sure if he was the reason Jath saved me too, but he definitely warned me in time for me to avoid the Corrupter's first strike. But what worried me was why he was trying so hard. Why not give up on me already and go back to the Corrupter? No, it didn't make sense to me, and until it did, I was staying away from Death Magic.
I opened the bathroom door and stared at my sleeping lovers. Maybe I should tell them. I could tell them it just started. But then I'd go from keeping a secret to outright lying. No, if I told them, I'd have to tell them how long it had been going on.
“How long has it been?” I whispered as I headed into the dressing room. “Fuck, I can't remember. That's bad. That's really bad. And talking to myself isn't much better.”
I made a face at my reflection in the full-length mirror propped against the far wall, then went to my section of the room. My wardrobe was significantly smaller than Xae's or Rath's. But I liked seeing my armor stand to the side of the racks of my tunics and pants. It made me feel like a real warrior. And it was nice to have my own dresser, though most of the drawers were empty. I opened the top one and pulled out a fresh pair of undershorts. Then came pants, a tunic, a belt, and, finally, my socks and boots. I looked in the smaller full-length mirror to the side of my armor stand and ran my hand through my hair.
“All right, I'm going to . . .” I blinked. “What the fuck am I going to do?”
Xae's face popped into my head, the rage he'd felt when he scented my release.
“Xae,” I whispered and crumpled onto the padded bench behind me. “What am I doing? Fuck!”
I had been so sure I was doing the right thing. So happy. It seemed as if I was finally on the right path. Or rather, I had finally accepted it. But the path was perilous. I suppose I shouldn't have expected it to be easy, but I had. The Goddess had said my heart would lead me, but my heart kept telling me that I loved Rath and Xae, and I didn't want to hurt either of them. My heart told me that kissing Keltyr was wrong. My heart told me to stay the fuck away from Jath.
Yes, I wanted Kel and Jath. But I didn't love them. And yes, my head knew I had to make an effort if I wanted to fall in love, but my heart said that I shouldn't have to. So what should I do? If I went by what the Goddess said, I should listen to my heart. The problem was, I didn't think she meant to listen to it if it told me to stop looking for new lovers. I think she meant I should let it lead me to love and when it whined about the love I already had, I should tell it to man up. She should have told me to listen to my dick. That would have been far less confusing.
It hadn't been easy with Xae and Rath in the beginning either, but it had turned out wonderful in the end. I had to push past this weakness. Regardless of how I felt when I saw my lovers' pain, I knew this was what I had to do. So did they. It would get easier. It had to. I just had to press on and stop waffling back and forth.
“Yeah, I doubt that's going to happen,” I muttered. “One thing's for certain—this doubt isn't going away anytime soon.”
I stood up and went into the bedroom.
Looking at my lovers, I reset my resolve. With that done, I left the suite and headed down to the dining hall.
At that early hour, there weren't a lot of Lords in there. I nodded to the few I passed as I went to the buffet. After I made a plate and got a cup of coffee, I considered my seating options. My usual table was empty. Most of the men in the room were gathered at one table across from my usual spot, but one Lord was eating alone. When I noticed him, a thrill ran down my spine.
Taroc.
Was this a sign?
I went to Taroc's table, a couple down from mine, and stood across from him. He'd seen me approaching but didn't smile in welcome. He just stared at me.
The thrill died.
“Uh, sorry. I thought you might like some company. I see that's not the case.” I started to turn away.
