He smiled softly at me. “That’s what kissing you does to me.”
“I—” I had no idea what to say to that. I wasn’t hard. But that didn’t mean I hadn’t enjoyed what had just happened. Koa knew that, right? I was pretty sure my body was too fucking confused to do anything. Getting hard had never been easy for me. When the kids at school had been getting erections at every little thing, I never had. It wasn’t that I couldn’t, I could and did, but it wasn’t often.
“I didn’t mean to do that,” I confessed, “but I’m glad I did.”
Koa kissed the bridge of my nose. “I’m glad you did too, but you know there’s no pressure, right? I wasn’t sure if you had any interest in anything . . . sexual, honestly.”
I shrugged. I finally adjusted my position so instead of straddling him, I was sitting sideways, my ass on his lap, legs draped over the couch. “I don’t know if I do. I’m not against itor anything, but it’s not something I need, I guess. I’ve found both men and women attractive before, but always in an abstract sense and never anything further than that. But kissing you, that was nice. Only you, though. That’s okay, right?” I felt extremely vulnerable and had to fight the urge to bury my face in Koa’s chest.
I realized I was being ridiculous for a fucking twenty-five-year-old. What person my age had never even kissed someone? But when would I have? Even if I’d had time as a teenager, there’d been no one who would have ever considered it, not with me. And I’d been too tired, scared, and hungry all the fucking time to have the energy to consider dating or anything. Then I’d gotten older and Koa had been there. He was all I needed. Even if we’d never gotten married or whatever, it would be hard for me to imagine wanting anything with anyone besides Koa.
I guessed I should’ve thought about that kind of stuff with him. I was starting to realize he had with me. But I just . . . hadn’t.
“Of course it’s fucking okay,” Koa replied, possessiveness in his tone that had me shivering. “Riot, baby, the thought of you kissing anyone but me makes me feral. If you decided you wanted to, I would deal, but?—”
“Nope.” I shut him up with a kiss. “Definitely not. Only kissing you. And I hope you only want to kiss me?”
Koa nipped my lip. “Only you, Ri. That’s what I’ve been trying to get through that thick skull of yours.”
I laughed. “Well, you knew I was stubborn when you decided to tie yourself to me.”
“I did. It’s okay. I’m patient and don’t mind repeating myself.”
I sucked in a little air before asking next, “And if all I ever want to do is kiss and, you know, everything we usually do?”
“Then that’s what we do.”
I nodded, content with that answer, and rested back into Koa’s arms. I still had no idea what had happened or what it meant for us, but I was sure we’d figure it out together.
Chapter 12
Riot
“Wait,let me take one more picture!”
“Riottttt,” Rue whined. “I wanna go trick-or-treating already.”
“I know, but y’all look so cute. I wanna share it with Koa. Plus, you know Cara’s gonna want new pictures for her fridge.”
Rue sighed heavily, like this was the end of the world, but Bel silently dragged him over to the giant blow-up pumpkin we had by our front door for another picture, and as usual, Rue went where his brother brought him. Everyone thought that Rue was the boss of the two of them because he was louder, but anyone who truly knew them knew that Bel had all the control.
Storm and Hawk were already sitting in the wagon, not so patiently waiting for their older brothers to get over there. Storm looked absolutely adorable in a Sully fromMonsters, Inc. costume. It was fuzzy and warm, and Storm kept yelling, “Monsta boo!” I couldn’t fucking get enough. Hawk was dressed like a fighter jet pilot. He’d refused the sunglasses and he’d had to wear his favorite sweats under the pants because he’d immediately broken down when the fabric of the costume had touched his legs, but he was happy now and looked adorable. Itwas the first year he’d picked out his costume by himself, and it made me a little teary-eyed to see my boy growing up.
Rumor was Freddy Fazbear fromFive Nights at Freddy’s,and Rebel was a creeper fromMinecraft. Two years ago, Koa and I had tried really hard to get all of them in matching costumes, but that had been a disaster, and after that we’d given up. Knox wouldn’t dress up at all anymore, and Wynter had been a black cat three years running.
Once the twins stood behind the wagon, I quickly snapped three more pictures. It was all I was going to get. I wished I could get one with the entire family, but that was proving to be harder and harder as the kids got older. Knox was at a party, Wynter was trick-or-treating with Melodie, and Koa had gone with Cruz, as he was trick-or-treating with someone in his class who’d invited him. It was his first friend since moving here, and we’d secretly been thrilled when Cruz had asked if he could go.
“Can we start already?” Rue asked.
“Yeah, yeah, let’s go.”
The twins took off down the street toward our neighbors’ house. Moving here had been such a blessing for so many reasons, and this was one of them. I would’ve never dared to take the kids trick-or-treating in our old neighborhood. I had never even thought about it until we’d moved here. It wasn’t something I’d ever done as a kid, obviously, so it hadn’t been until our first Halloween, when we’d seen how our neighbors went all out, that it had even occurred to me that the kids had been missing out.
I pulled the young ones in the wagon, trailing behind the twins and occasionally yelling at them to slow down and stay where I could see them. Hawk was hit or miss with things like this, and I was curious how he would do this year. I had his headphones with me, but he hadn’t asked me for them yet. Heheld his airplane-shaped candy bucket close and watched with big eyes.
“Do you wanna get out and go to the door?” I asked him at the first house.
“Yes.”
