Iwas with my friends, having a drink, dancing along to a great band. I had my health, cash in my pocket and a roof over my head. And yet, why did I feel like an old banana peel that had been left on the side of the road for all eternity - wet, trodden on and broken.
I try to kid myself that it has nothing to do with him. And certainly not him leaving.
I barely noticed, until I did and now that’s all I can focus on. The alcohol in my system starts to feel heavy like it was weighing me down. No longer do I feel free and sexy, I feel too old for this crap - which is a ludicrous thought. I can feel my energy levels rapidly draining as this long day starts to catch up to me.
“I need the bathroom,” I scream to the girls, only half expecting them to even notice my absence. Gabby had been making the rounds when Ellie and I had dragged her onto the dancefloor.
“Okay,” Gabby yells surprising me, over the music I didn’t expect her to be able to hear me.
“I’ll come with,” Tash says in my ear. Clearly I’m not the only one that’s been affected by the alcohol. I was drinking for completely different reasons to them though. They were drinking to celebrate this happy moment in Gabby’s life, this monumental life event. I’m ashamed to admit that the alcohol I’m consuming is to help numb the pain, that I brought upon myself like an absolute idiot.
Ahhhh. Fuck.
I blink my eyes open, squinting to see where the fuck I am. I turn my head and hear a distinct creak. Fuck, that’s gonna hurt like a bitch. I am indeed face down on the floor of my living room. I know by the cream-colored rug pressed against one side of my face.
As ashamed as I should be, this isn’t the first time I’ve woken up in this position. Head turned to one side the entire night causing a semi-permanent crick in my neck for at least the next two days.
What the hell happened last night?
I got wasted, that much is clear. Ever so slowly, I adjust my hands under me and push myself up. My head spins for a bit but I pause until it comes to a complete stop. When my head is back on straight I climb up into a fully standing position.
Despite my spinning head, I rush to the toilet throw up the lid and hang my face over the rim. Just in the nick of time too.
It’s times like this that I’m glad I live alone, it’s so much easier to keep everything sparkling clean. So, when you have to hang your head in a toilet, it’s a lot nicer than it could be.
After getting everything up, which isn’t much, I rinse my mouth before making my way back out to the living room. If I crashed in here, it’s because I couldn’t make it to the bedroom. I search for my purse with I suspect to be laying on the floor somewhere. I don’t see it upon first glance, so I approach the couch to start tearing cushions up.
Aha!The sound of my triumph is louder than I mean it to be when I finally dig my purse out from between the cushions. Phew. There’s been so many nights where I’ve left it at the bar or club, there’s even been numerous occasions where Evan’s found it, a week later - in some of the weirdest places, too.
I pull out my phone to see that there are half a dozen messages, as I expected, but the battery is also nearly flat. 1%. I jump up and across the coffee table, skidding into my bedroom and to the charger by the bed. It takes some fiddling to fit the adapter into the phone. I breathe out heavily and slump onto my bed as the phone officially starts charging.
I click through the messages, ignoring them all except for the one from Veronica and the two from Ellie.
I won’t be coming back tonight ;) - Veronica
Good morning deary! - Ellie
Call me ASAP - Ellie
Hmm. That’s not the first time Veronica’s stayed out while being in town, I wonder if it’s the same guy or a different guy each time. Something I’ll definitely have to grill her about when she comes in. I don’t reply to Vee, ignore Ellie’s message and just reply via text. My pounding head can not take a phone call right now.
My head can’t deal with your voice right now, how bad was I last night? - Katie
It’s so strange. Everything is different now, with Evan temporarily out of my life. He was the one I’d talk to first thing in the morning, almost every morning - either on the phone or in-person after one of our sleepovers. Now he’s not here.
And he wasn’t there last night either. I mean he was physically - across the room - but we didn’t speak one word to each other. Every time we caught each other’s eye, we were quick to look away. I was so used to him being by my side, whether as friends or more. He’d laugh with me, dance with me, take care of me, tell me when I’ve had enough, fight with me, and then wake me up with kisses the next morning.
That was one of the reasons I couldn’t stop myself from downing all the booze. I numbed me for a while, shielded me from the disappointment that I haven’t stopped feeling in two weeks. But he wasn’t to blame, it was me I was disappointed in.
Ellie texts me back that I wasn’t too horrific last night but that the photos are already up on Facebook, and they’re worth checking out. I could hear her voice in my head as I read that message, I swear I could hear her damn near cackling. That was all the hint that I needed to know that all social media would be boycotted today.
As it was Sunday, I decided to go back to bed for an hour or so, only after downing a gallon of water and a bunch of painkillers.
I awake a few hours later to the obnoxious ring of my cell. The screen flashes ‘Mom’. I weigh my options. If I answer, she’s going to bring back my headache. If I don’t answer, she’ll only keep phoning until I do.
I click accept ruefully.
* * *
