Ugh.I can’t help the grunt that escapes my lips as I let the weight drop and the bar pulley return to its start position. I slump back down into my seat, reach for my water bottle and try to catch my breath between sips.
The gym is pretty quiet. I guess people might only just be knocking off work, or getting ready for dinner. It is a Friday night; I’m not surprised everyone has better places to be than the gym. On the other hand, I wouldn’t say that I’ve ever seen this place particularly busy. The monthly membership prices are high for such a small, run-down gym. The only reason I signed up is because it’s literally around the corner from my house. That means there’s never an excuse not to go.
I grip the handlebar and start my next set. Anger still sizzles through my veins from my conversation with my mom earlier. She’s so infuriating.
Apparently, she’d been on the phone to Evan, she called to check up on him, and she’s worried about him. So of course, immediately after hanging up with him, she calls me. All she kept saying was that he’s such a lovely boy, why did I have to screw it up. After telling her for the third time that I needed to figure out what was best for me, I gave up. For another twenty minutes, she continued going on and on, wondering how I could ever let such a prince go.
The whole time I fantasized about turning around and telling her to shove it. I wonder if she’d think so highly of him if she knew what a freak he was in bed. I mean, I liked it. But still, defiling her daughter in such a filthy manner. Well, you know what they say, a prince in the street equals a freak in the sheets.
The weighted plates slam down harder than I mean them to on my last rep. My mom’s voice still wont clear from my mind, because I know the truth behind her words. ‘You’ve made the biggest mistake of your life, you’ll regret it soon enough.’
I already was. I was the second I told him I wanted to break up. I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking. But stupidly, I’d assumed my mother would want to comfort me not chastise me.
In a way, she’s lucky that our relationship has always been strained otherwise my freezing her out would’ve come to a giant shock to her. I loved being an only child as I was growing up, but now? Not so much. I was my mother’s sole focus. My parents have been happily married for nearly forty years, but during that time my dad worked full time while my mom stayed home and looked after me. Now that I’m not there, I know she feels like she has to try extra hard to be a part of my life.
While my dad was always there for me whenever I needed him, he wasn’t a hands-on type of parent. My mother was the opposite, her whole life revolved around me for eighteen years - which is why I have to remind myself all the time to just put up with her shit.
As soon as we hung up I knew I needed to clear my head. I changed my outfit, shoved my feet into my sneakers and grabbed my gym bag.
But if only my mother knew that I was in the gym, and lifting weights at that. She’d have a heart attack and then come to just in time to give me another earful of her nonsense. My mom has always been very old-fashioned; she strongly believes that a woman’s first - and most important job - was to please her man. To keep him fed, clothed and happy. It was beyond twisted, but that’s how my parents worked.
Now that I focus on it, I don’t know how I turned out not believing that. It was what I grew up around, it would be only natural for me to think the same way. I am very glad it didn’t turn out that way though. But my whole life has been a struggle against my mom, she didn’t see life the same way I did. Everything I did she didn’t agree with. College, moving out on my own, getting a job, not having a boyfriend, having a secret boyfriend…
The only reason she finally stopped hassling me about living alone was because she came over and caught Evan and I red-handed. Boy was that a fucking nightmare.
I plop myself down on a different resistance machine - bottle, towel, and phone in hand. I adjust the weight before gripping the handles at the side of my chair. The music pounds in my ears as I race through my first set. I desperately need this workout, the stress relieving effects already showing through.
