“Ash would walk over hot coals for you.”
“I know. I’d do the same for her.” Lots of my mates have sisters, and all they do is bitch about them. I’m lucky because my sister is chill, and she’s everything to me.
“I love the bond ye have, but you really should stop getting her into trouble.”
I lift a brow in his direction. “You ever tried talking Ash out of anything after she’s made up her mind?”
Shane chuckles. “We all share the same stubborn streak except for Ro maybe.”
I put new meaning to the word. Sometimes, I wonder whether I got my legendary stubbornness from my bio mother or father. I know I’m frowning as I force thoughts of those wankers from my mind.
The humor dies on my brother’s face. “You know what you have to do, Dil.” He gives me that look. The one that says he means business.
“I didn’t mean it.” I hug my knees to my chest.
“We all know that.” Shane leans in closer. “I don’t know what kind of shite is going through your head, Dillon, but I know it’s crap.” He grabs the back of my head. “You’re our brother. You’re their son. End of, Dil. Whatever bullshit is going on inside here.” He presses his finger to my brow. “It’s not the truth. I wish they’d never told you.”
“Why did they?” I have often wondered that myself.
I was only six and all it did was confuse me. Ma has tried to talk to me a few times, but I don’t want to speak about it. I want to forget I’m adopted. I want to feel normal, like the rest of my brothers and my sister. Talking about it will only keep reminding me I’m different. I get enough of that when I look in the mirror. My brothers all look alike, and though I have brown hair and blue eyes, same as Shane and Ro, I still look totally different to them, and I hate it.
“That little shit Ross Kenmare is to blame. Ma and Da had planned on telling you when you were ten, but after Ross started bullying Charlie at school, they were afraid to keep it from you. Everyone knows everyone’s business in Kilcoole. It’s no secretyou were adopted. They were afraid you’d find out from Ross or someone else.”
“I wish I’d never known.”
“Then put it out of your mind.” Shane shrugs. “Force yourself to forget it.”
If only it were that easy.
“It doesn’t matter a bit to any of us, so if it’s bugging you that much, just forget about it. You’re one of us. It doesn’t matter whose gee you came out of.”
“Fucking gross.”
Shane grins. “You won’t be saying that for much longer.”
Shane still babies me too. “Talk to me about Rihanna’s gee, and I’m there, mate. Just leave Ma out of it.”
Shane chuckles before his “serious” face reappears. “Listen to me.” Shane grips my arms. “I’m not going to be around as much once I start back at UCD, and you and Ciarán need to step up and help Ma when I’m too busy with classes and studying. I know you can’t help it, but try to dial down your troublemaker setting, yeah?”
“I thought you didn’t want to crush my creativity or some shit.”
“That sneaky little bitch.” Shane shakes his head, but he’s smiling. “No one wants to crush your spirit, Dil.” His gaze lands on my guitar where it’s propped against the wall. “I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. You’re a future superstar in the making.” He puts his hand over his heart. “I know it as much as I know I’ll be taking charge of the farm as soon as I graduate and diversifying before it’s too late.”
I’ve heard him arguing with Da over the dinner table about diversification, but I usually tune out farm talk as it bores me to tears.
“But you can’t say that crap to Ma, Dillon,” he adds. “You’ve really hurt her this time.”
I slide my legs off the bed. “I’ll say sorry.”
Shane stands the same time I do. “I think Ma is right and it’d do you good to talk to someone.”
“I don’t need a psychologist,” I scoff. “I’m not talking to some shrink.” Some stranger isn’t going to help me make sense of the shit in my head when he doesn’t even know me.
“It might help, Dillon.”
“I’m going to talk to Ma,” I say, brushing past him.
“Dil,” he calls after me, and I stop in the doorway and look over my shoulder.
