“God, I’m the worst kind of human. What woman cheats on her comatose boyfriend? Right now, I am everything Ivy has accused me of being.”
“Nope.” Beck vehemently shakes his head. “I will not let you think that about yourself. You are not in any way how that woman tries to depict you.”
“I just kissed a man who isn’t my boyfriend! That makes me a cheater. All that’s missing is the gold-digging part.”
Beck opens and closes his mouth before hanging his head and rubbing the back of his neck.
I’m hurting him again.
I couldn’t hate myself any more than I do right now.
“I need to go.” I knot and unknot my hands. “I’m sorry to do this, but I think it’d be best if you went home tonight.”
The saddest expression washes over his face as he nods. Horrible tension descends while he wraps up his gifts and then hands me the bracelet box. He does something on his cell, and then we walk back to the house in silence, and my heart is shattering all over again.
Guilt wars with longing inside me, and I’m consumed with terror at the thought I may have just lost my best friend.
Why did I think it was a good idea to kiss Beck?
Now I have ruined Christmas, hurt both of us, and changed everything.
When we reach Nana’s house, an Uber is waiting for him. A lump rises in my throat, and I’m on the verge of tears again. Beck stows his gifts in the back seat and says something to the driver before walking over to me.
“Listen to me, Stevie.” He takes my cold hands in his. “You are not to beat yourself up over this. I won’t tell you you’ve done nothing wrong, even though it’s what I believe, because you need to draw that conclusion yourself.” He peers deep into my eyes as tears roll down my face. “I’m here for you, and I’m going nowhere. Do you understand?”
I stare numbly at him through blurry eyes.
“Stevie, honey.” He squeezes my hands. “If we have to go back to being friends, we’ll do that. Losing you from my life is not an option. Okay?”
I think I nod.
“I’ll give you space. Take whatever time you need. When you’re ready, call or text me.” He presses his lips to my brow, and it’s a miracle my legs are still holding me up. “Take care, honey, and I’ll see you soon.”
I’m reluctant to let him go, clinging to him, until I realize how unfair I am being when he’s trying to do the right thing.
“I’m sorry,” I say, finally letting him go.
“Don’t be.” He offers me one sad smile before sliding in the back seat of the Uber.
We stare at one another as the driver reverses and then pulls out onto the road.
I don’t know how long I stand outside staring into the empty darkness, sobbing and hating myself, feeling like I’ve just made the worst mistake of my life in letting him go, before Mom finds me and drags me inside.
I collapse into her arms, inconsolable and in horrific pain as it feels like my heart is being torn violently from my chest.
Mom holds me for hours as I cry on her shoulder. She doesn’t attempt to make me talk; she just cradles me while I fall apart and then helps me into bed. We decide to stay at Nana’s tonight because I’m in no fit state to walk to Mom’s and she refuses to leave me.
The following morning, I wake to find Nana perched on the corner of my bed, looking pale and wearing a troubled expression. “I made tea,” she says as I drag my weary ass up and lean against the headboard.
“Where’s Mom?” I ask in a scratchy tone.
“She went to tidy up the house before the Ryans arrive later.” I’d forgotten my dad’s family is arriving today from Florida. They are staying at a hotel in Seattle for a couple days.
“I should help.” I throw the covers off my legs.
“Your mom has it handled, Little Poppy. Stay where you are.” Nana gets up and pours tea into two cups from her fancy teapot and hands one to me with slightly shaking hands.
“Are you okay, Nana?”
