“I’m disappointed, but only because I really like falling asleep with you in my arms and waking up to you draped over my body like my personal blanket.” I laughed because it was a pretty accurate description. “But that doesn’t mean I’m angry. I’m proud of you for doing what needed to be done, even if it wasn’t what you wanted to do. As soon as Nana gets the all-clear, I’ll be on a plane to come out here and take you home with me.”
“That sounds like the best plan ever.” I relaxed, confident that Ryan meant every word. Damn, I loved him.
20
Tanner
It wasa toss-up as to who was annoying the other more at this point. Nana was mostly recovered but if you asked her, she was better than ever and didn’t need me hovering over her anymore. She was pushy as hell about me getting on with my own life and letting her live hers.
Never mind the fact it had only been a month since she’d been rushed to the hospital for a fucking stroke. Yes, she was making progress faster than any of us could have imagined, but she still struggled with certain tasks. Until she wasfullyrecovered, I wasn’t going to ditch her.
Still, it wasn’t easy being cooped up in the house I used to love visiting. Everything was the same as it had been when I was little, from the pale blue walls with a huge flowery wallpaper border at the ceiling to the pictures neatly arranged on every surface and wall. It felt like living in a museum dedicated to our family history. It was both comforting and a constant reminder that my life was on pause. Nothing was changing, just like the decor of her house.
My phone buzzed, and my dick perked up before I even pressed a button. Since I’d moved to this side of town, most of my friends had forgotten about me and Ryan was the only person who texted me. He’d decided keeping me in a constant state of arousal was the most effective way of reminding me who I belonged to. It didn’t matter if he was telling me all the dirty things he wanted to do to my body, demanding that I sneak to my room to send him a picture of that day’s sexy underwear, or simply reminding me to eat lunch, any interaction with him had me hard.
Being away from him sucked, but he was going out of his way to make sure I always knew he was thinking about me. He hadn’t mentioned me moving in with him since I’d dropped him off at the airport, and sometimes I wondered if that was because it was one of those things that was a good idea when we were together but not so much once he was back in his own space.
I tried to not be upset when it wasn’t Ryan. It was Mav.Hey, you have time to chat?
For you? Always.I hadn’t done a great job living those words lately, but he understood it wasn’t because I was ghosting him. Still, I felt like shit for leaving Mav on his own at the apartment. He didn’t like being alone, even if he didn’t admit that to most people.
“Hey, what’s up?” I answered the moment my phone lit up with his incoming call.
“Hey.” There was a ton of angst in that single word. As I’d feared, he wasn’t dealing well with being completely on his own without warning. “I haven’t heard from you in a while. How’s Nana doing?”
“Stubborn as always.” I chuckled and let out an exasperated sigh. “She swears I’m wasting my time babysitting her, but when I was at work yesterday, she decided to try and go for a walk. I found her sitting on her front porch without a sweater or anything. Her fingers were like wrinkled little popsicles.”
“If you need, I could come and sit with her,” he offered. It was sweet, but he’d be bored shitless here, and he wouldn’t be comfortable. No matter how many times I told him Nana loved everyone just as they were, he felt the need to bury his femme side around her. Like, unnaturally so. It was painful to watch, and he was always drained by the time we went home.
Still, he’d be a face that wasn’t mine. My dad visited every day, and Jerry called every evening but, other than that, it was just the two of us with the exception of her weekly card game. And let me tell you, there was nothing like a group of old ladies sitting around playing cards and sharing the town gossip to make me hide out in my room.
“I think she’d like that,” I told him. “She keeps asking about you. She’s worried you’re going to leave me because I’m spending so much time with her.”
We talked a bit longer before he told me he had to get some shit done before he came over for dinner later. The call left me with a pit in my stomach. Nothing about our conversation warranted acan you talktext, which meant there was something else going on with him.
“You know damn well, I’m…capable…of cooking…for myself.” I jumped when Nana’s shrill protest rang out from directly behind me. She still struggled with speech a bit, but she was getting much better, much to my chagrin. That meant it wasn’t a struggle for her to chastise me for treating her like a child. “But I won’t say no to some sweets. Damn this…diet…the doctor…”
“Nana, we’ve talked about this,” I interrupted. At least she was in a good enough mood to call him a doctor today instead of a punk quack. As far as she was concerned, the doctors were trying to ruin her life by making her change her diet. She figured she’d lived this long eating the way she had, and no one was going to tell her any different.
“I’m not a child,” she protested as she lowered herself into the recliner.
“No one’s saying you are. But what if the doctors are right and this is the way for you to live a long, healthy life?”
“As opposed to the past seventy years?” she scoffed. “Tell me, Tanner, what good is living if you can’t enjoy it? I understand what everyone is trying to do, but even if I hadn’t survived the stroke, I would have died content that I had done all I’d been meant to do on this planet.”
“Don’t talk like that. You’re probably going to outlive us all.” I swallowed hard, regretting the words that she’d thrown out for as long as I could remember. Shewasn’timmortal. At some point, her health would decline to the point we’d lose her, and I didn’t even want to think about that day.
“So, you agree there shouldn’t be an issue with me eating what and how I damn well please?” She smirked, crossing her arms over her chest because she knew she’d won. “I know you’re trying to make sure I follow the doctor’s orders, Tanner, but at some point, you have to let me live my life.”
Shit. The way she said that, made me feel like I was doing to her what I accused most of my family of doing to me. Granted, their motivations were wanting me to be the model son rather than taking care of my health, but the end result was the same.
Satisfied that she’d made her point, Nana lifted the footrest on the recliner and closed her eyes, leaving me with nothing to do but think about how to find a balance between what she wanted and what was best for her. I wished Ryan were here with me, because he’d know what to do.
When Nana woke from her nap, she hurried into the kitchen, insisting on making dinner for her boys. And I let her, because I was determined to prove Iwasn’ttrying to smother her like she thought I was. I sat in the front room, watching out the windows for Mav to arrive. I’d been on edge since our call earlier. Something was up with him, and it wasn’t just that he missed me.
I stayed out of view when he pulled up to the curb, watching him twist his hands around the steering wheel. A check of the time said it was just after five-thirty, meaning he was early. Mav wasneverearly. He wasn’t habitually late, but he was a master of arriving at exactly the time he’d been told to be somewhere. When fifteen minutes passed without him stepping out of the car, I realized I was going to have to drag him inside.
He jumped when I tapped on the window. “Dude, are you okay?”
