“Yeah, I’m good.” He opened the door, grabbing the pink bakery box off the passenger seat. There was only one place in town that used boxes so bright they practically glowed, and I was pretty sure Mav was going to be Nana’s favorite as soon as she saw that he’d delivered the treats the rest of us had denied her. “I hope this is okay. It was slim pickings this late in the day.”
I set the box on top of the car and pulled Mav into a tight hug. He stiffened, unaccustomed to me being so tactile. He was skinnier than when I’d temporarily moved in with Nana, and he didn’t have an ounce to lose then. Now, he was almost gaunt, but I knew better than to say anything to him about it. This was partly my fault because I knew he struggled when he was alone.
“Are yousureyou’re okay?” I asked when I finally released him. He was quiet and had dark rings under his eyes. Again, I didn’t say anything about his appearance because the Mav I knew would be mortified if people noticed him looking anything less than his best.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” He worried on his bottom lip as I grabbed the box and motioned for him to follow me inside. He didn’t move, so I stood there, giving him time to process what he wanted to say. “Actually, that’s only mostly true. Before I say anything else, I want you to know that I’m excited about what I have to tell you, but I’m scared shitless at the same time.”
“Mav, you’re starting to scare me.” I leaned against the hood of his car and he mirrored my position. “This isn’t typical Moody Maverick, is it?”
He hated that nickname. I’d used it to get a reaction out of him, but he just kept chewing his lip as he twisted the hem of his shirt around his finger.
“No, it’s not,” he confirmed after a long silence. “I have something to tell you, and I don’t want you trying to talk me out of it. Even without you there to hound me about it, I sat down and made my pros and cons lists, and it’s a good thing.”
“Maybe you should spit it out already so I can tell you if I agree.” He glared at me and I held my hands up in surrender, backing away slightly. “Not that my opinion matters, but you know I’ll tell you if I think you’re being foolish.”
“Yeah, I do know that.” Finally, the corner of his mouth turned up slightly. When I resumed my position next to him, he rested his head on my shoulder. “So, you remember how I went out to surprise Sam last summer?”
“How could I forget?” I scoffed. That was one of those times when I’d told him he wasn’t thinking things through. Who in their right mind flew across the country to surprise someone they’d never met? If it annoyed the shit out of me that this Sam dude knew more about Mav than I did, I kept that bitterness to myself. For as close as we were, there were some things he still didn’t share with me and I respected him enough to not push. “I was surprised you didn’t come back and tell me you were madly in love with him and running away to get married.”
You know, sort of like you would with Ryan if he proposed.That little voice in the back of my head was a complete asshole sometimes.
I listened as Mav explained how free he felt when he was on the east coast. I knew it was hard for him, living in the shadow of his grandparents’ reputation in town while trying to outrun the not-so-great memories of his parents. I think I knew what he was going to say, even before he quit rambling.
“I want that again, Tanner.” He sounded like a little kid pleading for the hot toy at Christmas. There was a bone-deep longing that made me feel like an even bigger dick for not realizing he was wearing a mask, even around me. I thought he was happy enough most of the time, but the longing in his voice made me wonder how much of his suffering I had missed. “Not just for a weekend, but all the time. I want to wake up in the morning and not have to weigh what I want against what people will think. I want to be happy, and I don’t think that’s something I can find here.”
Our situations might be different but hearing him talk about the life he wanted for himself, made me realize how I’d put my similar dreams on hold. Yes, I had reasons for it, but sometimes I wondered if they were excuses to avoid going after what I wanted.
“Where are you going to go?” I worried hewasmaking a bad decision, even if for the right reasons, but realized I wasn’t in a place to question other people’s life choices. I was going to be the good friend and hear him out.
“Sam and his partner have offered me a spare room at their house, and he’s going to help me line up a job once I’m out there,” Mav explained. A pit formed in my stomach. One more person I needed in my life was running away to the other side of the country.
Fucking ducky.
Neither of them are running away. You’re the one digging in your heels to stay somewhere you’re not happy,that little voice chimed in.You could follow them and let yourself be happy.
We argued about whether this was a smart choice, and then Mav twisted that knife in my gut. “Besides, if you and Ryan stay together, chances are you’ll be out that way eventually, too. So, I’m just ahead of the game.”
There was noifto it—other thanifNana hadn’t had a stroke, I would have already been gone. But Mav didn’t know that because he’d been trying to give Ryan and me space to be together without worrying about him overhearing us, and by the time he came home, shit had turned sideways.
“And by jumping out of the nest now, maybe I won’t be so codependent by the time you quit hiding at Nana’s house,” he continued.
“I’m not hiding,” I argued. Except, I sort of was. As long as I was here taking care of her, I didn’t have to make any decisions. Ryan wouldn’t pressure me to leave her before she was ready, so I was able to enjoy his calls to make sure I was taking care of myself while letting my life stagnate like water in a pond.
“You are, but I think I understand it.” Mav hugged me and I closed my eyes, realizing how much I missed the touch of anyone other than Nana. Her hugs were awesome, but they weren’t the same. “At some point, you have to take a leap of faith, too. He’s got roots out there now.”
“And I have obligations here,” I argued. “But we’re not talking about me right now. I’m not sure about this, but I’m not going to be able to stop you. Where did you say they live again?”
“The name of the city is Annandale. You’d love it there.” I stumbled, feeling like the world had just tipped upside down. I’d say there was no way this was a coincidence, but I knew it was. Mav kept rambling, but I didn’t hear anything he said.
“You havegotto be shitting me,” I blurted out when my brain finally came back online.
“Uh, no. Why?” His brow furrowed, and I realized I probably sounded insane as I worked to stifle my amusement.
“It’s definitely a small world.” Nana poked her head out the door and asked if we planned on sitting in the cold all night. I pushed off the hood of the car and grabbed the box. “We’re not done talking about this, but I feel better now.”
Better was, of course, a relative term. I wasn’t sure how I’d be able to stay here until Nana was cleared by the doctors, knowing that not only were Ryan and Mav on the same side of the country, but they were in the same fucking town.
21
