2
Ryan
My mouth went drythe moment I turned the corner and saw Tanner standing at the curb waiting for me. It didn’t matter how long it had been since we’d seen one another or how his formerly gangly body had filled out, I’d know that frame anywhere. If part of the familiarity was because I’d stalked him on social media, always zooming in on his face in any pictures Deegan shared, I would never admit it.
He was stunning, his eyes always bright with laughter as he hugged and kissed his friends when they were out dancing. More than a few times, I’d jerked off to images of him wearing skinny jeans and heels, with flowing tops I wanted to feel beneath my fingers.
Deegan always complained about Tanner flaunting his sexuality, but I didn’t think that was his plan at all. He was simply trying to be comfortable in his own skin and it showed. I envied him that confidence.
I was proud of him for standing up no matter what his family threw at him, but there was no way I could say that to him without it sounding condescending as fuck. Hell, I’d been the chicken who’d avoided spending time with their family when I knew he’d be there, so I didn’t have to face him. I was the one who’d lied to him, letting him think what happened had been one-sided.
And now, I was ten feet away from him and he didnotlook happy to see me.
Not that I could blame him. I’d tried to come up with a plausible excuse for why I couldn’t have him riding to the resort with me, but Deegan sounded desperate. Things were a wreck with the accommodations, and Haley insisted on being the one to sort things out. So, I’d sucked it up and lied to my best friend, telling him I’d be happy to pick up his younger brother.
This was going to be the longest drive ever.
I couldn't even count how many times I had considered reaching out to apologize over the last six years. I’d panicked, not because his advances were unwelcome, but because giving in to what he offered would have ruined everything. He had still been a kid, and I'd been jealous of him.
I wished I could've had the same fuck-the-world attitude that he had when it came to my sexuality. But I hadn't then, and, even now, that was a piece of me I left on the other side of the country.
I was fully aware what a coward that made me. And now I had to face my greatest regret. I put the car in park and turned on my hazards because I couldn’t pull up to the curb. Tanner waved me off when I rounded the back of the car to heft his bags into the trunk. He kept his body turned away from me, an obviousfuck youmove. Rather than fight him, I let him do it himself, closing the trunk as he walked to the passenger side of the car.
“I thought we’d stop for coffee before we get on the road,” I told him as I pulled into the flow of traffic.
He shrugged, twisting to look out the window. I supposed I deserved the silent treatment. I’d give him time to throw his tantrum, but I wanted to talk things out before we got to the resort. It was going to be a long weekend if the air between us was icier than the winds blowing down from the mountain tops.
The air inside the car was laced with the strangest combination of woods and vanilla I’d ever smelled. It should be almost sickly sweet, but knowing the scent belonged to him had my body thrumming with low-level arousal every time I caught a whiff. I watched him out of the corner of my eye, wondering who he was so busy texting instead of talking to me. I hated them for getting the attention I wanted.
As we approached the interstate, I pulled into a small, locally owned coffee shop. I wouldn’t admit to having looked up places while I waited in line at the car rental counter. Unless something had changed, Tanner despised the large chains, accusing them of trying to undercut small businesses to the point they couldn’t survive. It may have been a whim from when he was younger and more idealistic, but I didn’t want to do anything that could wind up with me digging an even deeper hole in his eyes.
“Do you want something?” I asked as I pulled up to the drive thru menu.
He blinked a few times, and I caught the smile he quickly schooled. It didn’t even bother me that his attention was back on his phone as he said, “I’d take a mocha with an extra shot. Thanks.”
“You’ve got it.” I didn’t know what most of the drinks on the menu were, so I opted for a large coffee. I hadn’t slept last night because, even before Deegan called to ask me to give Tanner a lift to the resort, I’d been trying to figure out how to put the past behind us. Seeing him was an inevitability, but I hadn’t been prepared for an extended time alone with him. “Do you want a pastry, too?”
Tanner shrugged. “Yeah, maybe a muffin or something.”
I pulled into a parking stall once I had our drinks. Before handing Tanner his muffin, I unwrapped it and placed it on a napkin, ignoring the curious look he gave me. This weekend was going to be one fucking challenge after another. I couldn’t coddle Tanner as if he was my boy. He wasn’t, no matter how many times I’d wondered if that would be something he was into. But there were certain things I’d learned about myself that weren’t easy to turn off.
“Thank you.” He made eye contact and his cheeks brightened slightly when our fingers brushed as he took the muffin from me. Food wasn’t an instant cure for the tension, but I did feel more relaxed as I watched him pick at his breakfast.
I considered using the time to apologize, but I wanted to savor the peace a bit longer. Plus, it wouldn’t earn me any points from Deegan if Tanner stormed off and called his roommate for a ride home before we got outside of city limits.
I watched as Tanner neatly rolled his napkin after he finished eating. I held out my hand for his garbage, leaning closer so I could reach the bag I’d placed behind his seat for trash. He sucked in a quick breath and shivered. “Are you cold?”
Before he had a chance to answer, I grabbed the blanket I’d brought for the flight off the back seat. I’d regretted bringing it because I hadn’t used it while I was traveling, but now my more possessive side was glad to give him something that smelled like me.
I draped it over his body, preening a bit when he drew the edge up to his nose. He might be trying to stay pissed off at me, but a guy didn’t go around sniffing blankets if they were repulsed by the person it belonged to.
“Why don’t you recline your seat and try to take a nap?” I suggested. He looked as tired as I felt, and his family was draining on the best of days. If he was sleep-deprived when we got there, he was bound to snap on someone. “I’ll wake you when we stop for lunch.”
“Shouldn’t we drive straight through? I’m sure there will be a place to grab lunch once we get to the resort.” Tanner looked so damn small when he curled up on the seat next to me. I considered it another minor victory that he turned to face me instead of looking at the side of the car.
“I’m not as young as I used to be. I’m going to need to stretch at some point and I thought it would be nice to catch up before we’re both pulled in different directions,” I explained. Even though I knew a lot about what he’d been up to, I wanted to know more. And by the time we stopped, he’d be rested and I could figure out what I wanted to say to him so he’d understand why I had to leave that morning.
When Tanner rested his hand on the console, it took everything in me to not curl my fingers around his. If I gave into the urge now, I would be setting myself up for rejection. Better to exercise restraint until he consented.
