Tanner fell asleep within minutes. Every time he made a soft noise or moved around trying to get comfortable, my attention slipped to him. When his hand reached out and landed on my thigh, I held as still as possible, not wanting him to wake up and freak out.
He was sleeping so soundly that he didn’t notice when we pulled into the parking lot of a little diner along a deserted strip of the highway. I turned off the ignition and watched him until I felt the bite of cold air seeping in past the windows.
I shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t stop myself from combing my fingers through his dark brown hair. It was longer than he’d kept it as a teen. He scrunched his nose when my fingers caught in whatever gel or product he’d used to style it. I leaned in closer. “Time to wake up, sleepyhead.”
“No,” Tanner mumbled as he tucked the blanket tighter under his chin.
“You’re going to get cold if you stay out here,” I warned him as I slipped my hand under the blanket and released his seat belt. “Come on, sweetheart.”
I cringed as Tanner’s eyes shot open. That was a line I shouldn’t have fucking crossed. I held my breath, waiting for him to unleash a tirade of expletives that were well-deserved. What I hadn’t expected was the look of utter confusion before his expression fell. “Fine. Let’s go in and eat.”
Fuck. We’d been so close to the right track, and then I’d let my heart and dick take the lead.
3
Tanner
How in thehell could he call me sweetheart as if it was the most normal thing in the world?
I didn’t wait around for him to apologize or tell me it had been a mistake. I’d heard that one too many times in my life already. Sue me if I wanted to hold onto the fairy tale that he’d meant what he’d said.
I slammed the car door shut behind me and stormed toward the diner without waiting to see if he was behind me. Unfortunately, I wasn't paying attention and, in my haste to flip the proverbial bird to Ryan and everybody else who told me I needed to tone it down, I hadn't picked the most sensible footwear for winter.
I felt my foot kick out from under me and flailed my arms, praying I didn't break something when I landed. But my ass never reached the ground. Warm arms grabbed me, yanking me upright. I spun around, throwing my arms around Ryan's waist, burying my face in his chest as I tried to catch my breath.
“Look at me, Tanner.” Because I also hadn’t thought to wear a winter coat since I had no intention of spending any time outside, the heat of Ryan’s hands gently rubbing my back seeped through my thin sweater.
Despite the freezing temperatures, my face flushed hot. I shook my head, not wanting to see his amusement with my near accident. I let out a small sob.
“Tanner, are you okay? Look at me, sweetheart.” My traitorous heart melted hearing him use the term of endearment again. I was still scared about dredging up the past, but it was hard to stay mad when he was being nothing but kind.
Enough time had passed since the night I’d snuck into his bed that perhaps he had forgiven me for taking advantage of him. Now, it was my turn to forgive him for the way he’d reacted. Looking at it through older, more mature eyes, I could understand how that night might have thrown him for a loop.
I hadn't considered whether the attraction between us was mutual or if he wanted me the way I wanted him. I had been a horny teenager who'd seen a hot guy jerking off and seized the moment. Everything had been amazing for a few hours.
I’d never slept as soundly as I did with his arms wrapped around me. But eventually, the sun came up. The moment I’d felt him tense next to me, I’d known he was about to shatter my world.
It took every bit of energy I had to roll over and face him. I hadn’t stuck around long enough to hear anything beyond “last night was a mistake” before I was running away from him as fast as I could. He’d turned me away, and I’d assumed it had been because he was repulsed.
Now, I wasn’t so sure.
What ifIwas the one who’d fucked up? What if sticking around to hear why he felt the way he did would have changed everything?
What if he’d been missing me as much as I’d missed him in the six years that had passed?
Ryan hooked a finger under my chin, tipping my head back. “Say something, Tanner. You’re starting to freak me out a bit.”
“I'm sorry,” I whispered. I was sorry for everything. For what I did back then and for the way I treated him this morning. For acting like a spoiled little brat when he was trying to be nice. For almost destroying his friendship with Deegan because I couldn't control my own impulses. For jumping into bed with him without knowing for certain it was what he wanted. For trusting that a drunk man’s tongue spoke the truth he couldn’t admit to.
Ryan didn't respond right away. He also didn't let go of me as he guided me to the entrance. When I slipped again, his hand was steady at the small of my back, holding me upright. We didn’t talk while we waited to be seated.
The waitress rattled off the lunch specials, and Ryan ordered for both of us. That was only mildly irritating, even though I would've snapped if anyone else had dared assume they knew what I wanted. With Ryan, it only made me more curious.
All morning, it felt like he'd been going out of his way to do little things to take care of me. The nicer he was, the shittier I felt. I didn’t deserve a man like him.
Ryan waited until the waitress returned with our drinks and left before clearing his throat. “What were you apologizing for earlier?”
I swallowed hard, trying to figure out how many of my transgressions I wanted to lay bare.
