“Hey, I wanted to let you know I think it’s really cool that you did that,” he said. I looked over to him and swore I saw stars in his eyes. It was a look typically sported by the rookies when they first walked in, and Drew had recently been called up from the minors for the first time. “I know it had to suck, but I’ve always thought it was stupid that it was such a big deal.”
“Jackson, get your ass out here,” Coach barked.
“Anyway, I wanted to tell you that I’ll have your back if anyone tries to say anything,” he assured me before jogging off. I stood there, fighting the emotions threatening to get the best of me. It wasn’t lost on me that most of my longtime teammates hadn’t given me nearly the amount of support this new kid had.
25
Mason
My dad didn’t saya word when he pulled up at one of the remote side entrances to the park. That was a relief, because I wasn’t ready to talk about everything yet. I didn’t want to say anything to anyone until I had a chance to talk to Sean. I needed to apologize to him for my role in outing both of us. Dad tapped unsteadily on the steering wheel as he drove, his body restless from the anger and disappointment he was holding in.
“Thanks for the ride, Dad,” I said as I got out of his car once we were home. I needed a pain pill and a nap.
I stopped when dad’s thick hand landed on my shoulder. Apparently, my reprieve was only temporary. I knew what it meant when his fingertips curled into my flesh that way. “Go tell your mother that we’re home and meet me outside. We need to talk.”
The worst words in the English language. Nothing good haseverfollowed ‘we need to talk’. With my head hung, I walked through the front door. The house smelled like oregano and garlic, a sure sign mom was trying to cook away her anxiety. We’d likely have enough food to feed a third world country for a month by the time she was done. I kissed her cheek and let her know it smelled great. She turned and cupped my cheek, allowing me to see the worry in her eyes.
“How are you doing, Mason?” she asked, her warm hand still caressing my cheek.
“I’ve had better days,” I admitted to her. There was no point in lying to her because she knew. My mom always knew when something bothered me, but she’d never push me to share with her. She’d simply stew in private until I was ready to talk. “Right now, I’d be doing a lot better if Sean wasn’t ignoring me. He was pretty pissed when Ike called me into the office and I have to make it right. I never wanted this to come out this way. If he leaves me, everything today will have been for nothing.”
Mom raised her other hand to my cheek, holding me steady. “You listen to me,” she scolded. “You messed up this morning, but not the way you think you did. A relationship takes hard work and communication to work, and I think you’re still trying to figure out how to talk to him when something’s upsetting you. I also think this is new for him and he’s not used to having to consider what anyone else feels. If you can’t work through this, you’ll never be able to face the disagreements that really matter.”
“Gee, awesome pep talk, Mom,” I quipped, trying to take a step back but she stopped me.
“Stop with the tantrum,” she warned me, making me wonder if she was getting ready to pull out a wooden spoon to whoop me with. “What you’re missing is that this isnotthe type of issue you can’t overcome. Every couple has challenges, and everyone in a relationship has made a decision without consulting the other at some point. It happens. Now, you have to apologize to him, make him understand what led you to make that little speech today, and move on. If you ask me, that’ll be easy after going out there to explain the same to your father. He’s worried about you. We both are. But you know that we’ve always stood by you, and we will this time as well.”
“Thanks, Mom.” When we hugged, I let her hold me as I breathed in the comforting scent of the same perfume she’d worn for as long as I could remember. She patted me on the back, wishing me luck as we both looked to the patio where my dad was waiting for me.
I shivered even though the temperature was warmer than it had been all week. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen my father so upset with me. What made matters worse was the way he was folded over with his elbows resting on his knees, his posture screaming that I’d let him down. It would have been easier to deal with if he was pissed off, but that wasn’t his style.
No, my dad was a firm believer that his job was to raise me to make my own choices, even when they meant he’d spent years and thousands of dollars for me to give up. That meant he wouldn’t be angry, he’d simply wait for me to explain my logic to him so he could attempt to understand.
“Dad, would you say something?” I begged. I took the chair across from him, leaving the wrought iron fire pit as a shield between us.
“I’m not sure there’s anything for me to say,” he conceded. “I’ve spent your entire life trying to make sure you knew you could talk to me when something was bothering you, and the older you get, the more it seems you forget that. It’s tough for me to sit here and watch you screwing up your life.”
That stung. “Dad, I’m sorry, but you have to know I didn’t even know I was going to do that. I’ve been thinking about it for a while now, but I knew this was my shot to go out on my own terms. I don’t want to play for another team, and no matter what they say, I know the Bulldogs need a better performer on their roster.”
“Why leave everyone who loves you in the dark? If you had these doubts, you could have talked to me,” Dad reiterated, looking at me for the first time since I’d joined him outside. “Hell, when I talked to Sean, he seemed just as out of the loop as I was. You hurt him.”
“Icouldn’ttalk to him about this,” I argued. I’d considered it after the accident, but I knew him well enough to know he’d try to talk me out of it. Not only that, but he’d assume he’d ended my career. He still didn’t fully believe I’d been considering my next steps since the end of spring training because the game hadn’t held the same thrill it used to for me. “I wanted to, but he’s in a different place than I am with his career. He can’t imagine a life without a ball in his hand, but I can.”
“How do you expect to make a life with him if you’re in such different places?” He seemed slightly less agitated now. That was a good sign.
“Because, Dad, the life I see may not have me playing, but that’s not what really matters,” I told him, moving to sit next to him on the bench seat. “I look at you and Mom and I want that. You spent years traveling for work, but you still loved one another. Itcanwork, but not if both of us are on the road most of the year. I want to offer him the stability Mom and I gave you.”
“So what, you’re going to retire and be a housewife?” Dad chuckled, but I knew he was still concerned about me.
“No, Dad. When I was in college, you were the one who urged me to stay in school for my senior year,” I reminded him. I’d resented him at the time, but now, I was grateful for the opportunities that piece of paper would give me. “I know what’s next for me, but if you don’t mind, I think I should tell Sean first. I’ve screwed up enough today; I have to do this the right way if he’ll let me.”
“Of course he’ll listen to you,” Dad scoffed. “That man loves you more than Teresa ever did. He wants you to be happy, but he also wants to know that you’re in this together. The only advice I can give you when it comes to him is learn to say you’re sorry. It won’t make you less of a man to admit your mistakes and ask forgiveness.”
“Thanks.” He patted me on the back and stood to give me time alone to think. Again, it was his way. It was how I knew we’d reached the point where it was up to me to figure out the right course of action.
* * *
Sean
