A spark of happiness rushed through my body every time he referred to me as his boyfriend. Granted, that was what we were to one another, but still, hearing him say the word was pretty fucking awesome.
“I'm just saying… I can't think of any other reason you'd be driving me all the way out here. Where and how are we, anyway?” There was just enough light filtering through the trees to not need the headlights. When I looked behind me, I couldn’t see where we’d entered the wooded area, and there was no exit ahead of us.
“I wanted to figure out what I could do to give you some time to escape the big world, but I knew you needed to feel safe,” he explained. “I had all sorts of other ideas, but I wasn’t sure you’d be able to let go if we were in public. And then I remembered this place I saw back when I was running cross-country. Coach used to bring us out here sometimes.”
Since pulling off the Interstate, Brandon had turned down a series of progressively more deserted roads, and I wasn't even sure where in the hell we were anymore. I checked the time again and realized that it was feasible that we were getting close to our hometown.
“I'm not running with you,” I warned Brandon. That was one way that we were very different. He thought running was a great way to clear his head. To me, it was torture and something that was only to be done if someone was chasing me with a knife in their hand. Or in the event of the zombie apocalypse, but that was a bit of a stretch. Knowing me, I’d probably sit down and wait for them to kill me, figuring it was inevitable anyway.
Brandon pulled into an empty parking lot. “You really are bringing me out here to kill me, aren't you?”
“Yep, you caught me.” He cut off the engine and pocketed his keys as he opened the door. When he pulled his backpack out of the trunk, I realized there were worse things than being sliced and diced by someone I thought loved me.
He pulled out another pack and handed it to me. I held up my hands, trying to push the bag away from me. “No. No way. Uh-uh. You are not taking me on a hike and calling it a date. That's almost as miserable as when you used to badger me into running with you.”
“Have a little faith, Matty.” He took a step closer and tucked my overgrown hair behind my ear. I tipped my head to the side, pressing my cheek into his palm. My heart rate increased as he stared at me. “This is only the first part of the date. Do you trust me?”
“I do,” I promised him. My eyes slid shut as he caressed my cheek with his thumb.
“Who takes care of you, Matty?” His tone softened and I felt all my stress slipping away.
“You do,” I whispered.
“And why do I take care of you, Matty?” His voice was barely above a whisper. “Who am I?”
“You’re my Daddy,” I responded breathlessly.
“That's right.” He leaned in and kissed my forehead. “Today, I don't want you worrying about anything. If you hate the surprise when you see it, tell me and we'll figure out something else to do, but I think you're going to like it.”
I was pretty sure I would, too. Anything he put this much thought into couldn't be too bad. Even if it did include a hike through the woods where I'd have to worry about mosquitoes biting me in the ass.
It turned out we didn't have to walk very far at all. A few minutes after he led me to a small path through the trees, we arrived at a clearing. A massive playground came into view. It wasn't the bright, safety coated equipment the parks in the city had. The slide was tall and long and if it was hotter, I had no doubt it was the type of slide that would burn the skin off the backs of your legs as you stuck to it rather than sliding down. “This is so cool!”
I slipped the backpack off my arms, leaving it where it dropped as I approached the perimeter of the play area. My eyes darted all over, trying to figure out what I wanted to do first. There was the super tall slide, but I worried my butt was too big to fit between the raised sides. The monkey bars might be fun, but I’d have to tuck my legs, otherwise I could easily walk my way from one side to the other.
I was tempted to use the digger. I used to love moving piles of sand from one spot to the next. It was one of the first things I stopped doing because I was “too big.” I hated those words. I didn’twantto be too big for the things I liked.
Daddy wrapped his arms around me from behind, his hands sliding up to rub my tummy. He kissed the sensitive spot right below my ear. “Do you like it, baby? Do you want to play for a little while?”
“I haven't done this in forever.” I turned in his embrace, hugging him tightly. “I love it, Daddy! I want to play on everything, but I don’t know where I should start.”
Daddy nodded toward the swings. “What if we swing first?”
That was a good idea. While I ran over to the swing set, Daddy took his time. I sat down, curling my hands around the rusty chains. I was going to be a mess by the time we were done. He stepped up behind me, pulling me back and then releasing me.
“When you were sick and I was watching you sleep, I had a lot of time to think. And this was something that kept replaying in my mind. Even when most kids our age swore they were too big to play, you still wanted to hang out at the playground.” I closed my eyes and listened as he told me about all the things he remembered from our childhood. Memories that I had pushed to the dark, dusty part of my mind because it was time to grow up. “We used to stay out there until it was dark, just like this. I never thought it was weird that you wanted to swing as high as possible. You used to say it felt like you were flying.”
“But it was always better when you helped me. I never fly higher than I do when I'm with you.” He used to laugh and shake his head when I begged him to push me a little bit longer, but he always did. It didn’t matter to him that we were too old, or people might laugh if they saw us. But, eventually, those nights ended. I hadn't told anybody how much I missed being a little kid.
“Whenever Coach brought us out here to train, I'd see this playground and I think of you. I knew you’d love it out here. But I always worried about how you'd react if I brought it up.” He stopped pushing so I started pumping my legs. I wanted to see how high I could get today. My rhythm faltered when he started talking again. “Maybe part of me knew back then that you were special.”
I dragged my feet through the dirt to slow me down. When I came to a stop, I twisted around. “Do really think of it that way?”
“Of course I do.” There was so much reverence behind his confession I felt a lump forming in my throat. “Just because neither of us had a word for what was going on between us at first, doesn't make it any less true. You’re a little, just like I'm a Daddy. Those are pieces of us, not our whole identities. But I think we’ve belonged to one another longer than we realized. I like to think back to the times when you came to me, wanting me to take care of you without sex and other complications. The sexual side of our relationship is icing on the cake. I don't ever want you to feel like you have to hide from me, no matter what it is.”
“I won't, Daddy. I promise.” I spun back around long enough to untwist the chains. I jumped off the swing and launched myself into Daddy's arms.
We had a long road ahead of us, but we were going to make it.
