I was living the dream. I had a sexy man I fantasized about since pretty much the moment I realized I was gay, and I fully intended to make all of those spank bank dreams a reality. Brandon moved his hand higher, the tips of his fingers sliding under the hem of my shorts. He was still a few inches away from my dick, but I'll be damned if I could convince my body this wasn't foreplay.
He glanced at my lap and smiled. “That's going to hurt if you don't calm down.”
“It’s only like that because of your hand drifting up the inside of my thigh.” My ass lifted off the seat as his hand moved in higher. “C’mon, Brandon, don't do this to me.”
“Oh, you want me to leave you alone?”
“No! Yes. No. Fuck, I don't know. But you either need to get me off while you’re driving or move your hand away from my dick. It's been long enough I'm probably not even going to make it ten seconds til I explode.”
“You are such a drama queen sometimes,” Brandon scoffed.
“Just because you have the restraint of a saint and get off on edging doesn’t mean all of us do,” I argued. “Seriously, the only reason I’m not teasing you is because I know what it would do to me. How can younotwant to pull this car over and get off?”
“I never said I wasn’t torturing myself, too,” Brandon pointed out. “But at the same time, I'm not nearly as obsessed with getting off as you are. You have no idea what real torture is like.”
“Oh? Why don’t you tell me, oh wise one? What constitutesrealtorture?” I turned in my seat so I could see the pained expression on his face. A quick check of his lap confirmed that hewasturned on by what he was doing to me. If this drive when on much longer, I might have to give him road head just to see how he’d react.
“You really want to hear this?” Brandon squirmed in his seat as he adjusted himself.
“Abosfuckinglutely. It’ll give me something to think about other than where you’re taking me.”
“I hadmonthsof you torturing me, Matt.” His voice was thick and raspy. If we were home, I could almost picture him throwing one arm over his eyes and stuffing the other down his pants. “Every fucking night, you’d wait until you thought I was asleep and then you’d watch porn on your phone.”
Guilty as charged. And, of course, I waited until he was sleeping. Doing it while he was awake would have been rude as hell. Not doing it at all wasn’t an option because I’d been subjected to watching him wander around shirtless. A man could only resist all that muscley flesh for so long.
“I didn’t want to creep on you, so I’d pretend I wasn’t just as hard as you were. I had to listen to your ragged breathing as you got closer to coming.” Fuck, things would have been so different if, just once, he would have climbed into my bed and helped me out. Hell, he could have rolled over and we could have watched one another. “Sometimes, I would roll over so I could try to match your pace. Not wanting to wake me, you’d whimper as you came and just knowing what was happening on the other side of the room was enough to get me off.”
Maybe it shouldn't bother me, but I was embarrassed to know that I'd been jerking off with an audience. I worried about how I’d sounded and how long I lasted. I was grateful it had always been in the dark and hoped there hadn’t been enough light from my phone for him to see my face as I tried biting back my moans because comingalwaysfelt amazing.
“A good friend would have offered to help me out,” I teased. He glared at me when I shoved a hand inside my shorts. I swear, I just wanted to move things around, so my dick wasn’t screaming in pain.
“Yeah, well, at the time, I didn’t know you wanted that,” he pointed out.
“You never would have told me how you felt if I hadn’t worked up the courage first, would you?”
Brandon shrugged. He tapped the steering wheel a few times. What he didn’t do was answer me. A mile passed, then two and three. It was almost five minutes later when he admitted, “I was too scared of losing you as a friend. I didn’t want to screw things up. You know, pretty much everything you said to me when you told me how you felt.”
He lifted our joined hands to his lips. After kissing each of my fingers, he glanced at me. “For what it’s worth, I’mreallyglad you told me how you were feeling. Yeah, it’s frustrating as hell that we wasted so much time, but I don’t want to dwell on that. We have the rest of our lives to forget about how stupid we were as kids.”
I closed my eyes and thought about what he’d said.We have the rest of our lives…Maybe he was being flippant, but I didn’t think so. Brandon didn’t say things he didn’t mean. And damn, even though I was the one who got caught up in the past and the present, I wanted that to be my future. I wanted to believe that no matter what I threw at him, we’d get through all of it and eventually be grumpy old men musing about how long it had taken us to realize we were meant to be together.
“Can you remind me again why we're out in the middle of nowhere when we should be naked in a bed?” Brandon kept his eyes on the road. He was bound and determined that we were going to follow through on whatever this date was that he had planned.
“Because you needed to get out of the suite,” he explained. He slipped his hand into mine, threading our fingers together. “I worry about you, Matty. You haven't been giving yourself time to unwind. You are all or nothing so much of the time, and I think that's part of where our problems come in.”
“How so?”
“Because you're convinced that if we’re going to have a relationship where youcanbe little, that youhave to belittle all the time. And it doesn't need to be that way.”
I couldn't deny what he said since I pretty much admitted the same earlier. And damn him, he'd already come to the same conclusion. That was why he'd planned this date for us.
“I’d already figured out why you were hiding from me,” he admitted. “And I knew just talking to you about it wouldn’t be enough. That’s why I’m going to show you how much I love both sides of you.”
He pulled off the narrow highway we’d been on for a while, onto a bumpy road that led through a forest. It was dark under the canopy of leaves, despite the fact it was a warm, sunny day. If I was with anyone other than Brandon, I’d be creeped out.
“Okay, but I swear, if you're taking me out in the middle of nowhere so you can murder me and stash my body in the woods, I'm going to be really pissed off at you,” I warned him. The atmosphere in the car had gotten heavier the longer we talked about serious shit. I didn’t deal well with serious.
Brandon's jaw fell slack. “How does your brain even come up with this shit? Let's set aside for a moment the fact that if you were dead, it would be awfully hard for you to be upset with me, but what would I stand to gain from murdering my boyfriend?”
