When Jayden still wasn’t in the room by eleven Sunday night, I figured that was a pretty good indication that he’d found my secret and wasn’t taking it well. Best case, he was weirded out and needed time to forget. Worst case, he was hiding at his mom’s until housing gave me the boot again.
I crawled into my bed, hugging Pika tight. I wasnotgoing to cry myself to sleep. Whatever was done was done, and being a big baby about it wouldn’t help.
I pulled my blankie over my eyes when bright light shined over my face. I had no clue what time it was, and I wasn’t brave enough to look, just in case Jayden was glaring at me in the dark.
“Hey, sorry I’m so late,” Jayden whispered.
“‘S okay,” I responded. “Did you have a good weekend?”
“Eh, it was decent. Pretty much just kicked back and helped Mom with a few things.” His voice got louder and quieter as he walked around the room. “She wants to meet you, by the way.”
“She does?” I pressed a palm to my chest, trying to calm my racing heart. My secret had to still be safe, otherwise there’s no way he’d be talking to me about meeting his family.
“Yeah, so one of these weekends I’m going drag you home with me,” he warned. “I think you’ll like her and my uncle. They’re good people.”
I had no doubt about that. They’d raised Jayden, and he was one of the most understanding people I knew.
“Go back to sleep, Chase. You can tell me about your weekend when we get up.” The gentle cadence of Jayden’s voice soothed me. It was crazy how quickly I was growing used to hearing him tell me to go to sleep. I wondered if he even realized he did it. I flipped onto my side, pulling my blankie under my chin, stroking it against the side of my face.
To keep from annoying Matt and Brandon too much, I’d started setting a vibrating alarm on my phone for a few minutes before Jayden’s started blaring. It gave me time to wake up and get out of bed without having to scramble for his phone. I wasnotready for the sight that greeted me that Monday morning.
My binkie sat on Jayden’s dresser, right next to his phone. There was a note scribbled and propped up behind it. Without thinking twice, I popped the binkie into my mouth and started sucking on it as I flopped into the bean bag next to Jayden’s bed. I had to sit because my knees were weak, and crumpling to the ground was a very real possibility.
I’m not creeped out or angry. We all have our quirks. I hope, someday, you’ll believe that I’d never judge you. Don’t worry, I won’t bring this up unless you do. And you can, you know…
No way could he mean that. He was just trying to make me feel better. If I talked to him about it, he’d ask questions and I didn’t have any answers. I couldn’t explain why things like my binkie, Pika, and my blankie made me feel better. I wished I didn’t need them because they were weird.
I stashed everything away before Jayden’s alarm went off. No way was I going to be that reckless again. I shook Jayden, making sure he was awake before retreating to the bathroom. As soon as I got back to the room, he disappeared. His silence didn’t worry me; he was never chatty before he had a full cup of coffee in his system.
As scary as it was, I quickly dressed and wandered to the other end of the suite, where Brandon was already working on breakfast. “Do you need any help?”
“Oh, hey!” Brandon glanced over his shoulder as he pulled a bag of frozen sausage links out of the freezer. “If you want, you can get these in the oven.”
I hadn’t actually expected him to let me help. From what everyone in the suite had said, this was his domain, and if Brandon was cooking for us, we were better off waiting for instructions. “I can do that.”
“How are you settling in?”
“Fine.” Small talk wasn’t something I did. I should probably ask him something in return, but I couldn’t think of anything that wouldn’t sound dumb.
“Did Jayden make it back last night?”
“Yeah.”
This was painful. I should have stayed in the room and waited for Jayden. But I wasn’t ready to be alone with him when both of us were coherent. I needed some time to get over the fact he knew about me.
“Hey babe—” Matt bounded around the corner, stumbling over his feet when he realized he and Brandon weren’t alone.
They’re together?Weird. Jayden hadn’t mentioned anything about there being a gay couple in the suite when he’d been trying to get me to see that it didn’t matter if I was gay. That would have made things a lot easier. Then again, the horror on Matt’s face said maybe it wasn’t common knowledge.
“Hey, Chase. I didn’t realize you were out here,” he said, brushing against my back as he squeezed through to get a coffee cup. “I heard Jayden in the room and figured you were hiding out waiting for him.”
“Iamcapable of functioning without him,” I shot back. Snark was almost as foreign to me as idle chatter, but I needed to grow a backbone unless I wanted these guys to see me as an easy target.
“Don’t mind him, Chase. What he was trying to say is that it’s good to see you settling in a bit,” Brandon explained, glaring at his roommate. “And he’s not admitting he’s glad there’s someone else who gets easily overwhelmed by new people.”
“Oh. Cool.” I took the mug of coffee Matt offered me and doctored it up with heaping spoonsful of sugar and creamer. Matt gaped at me like I’d just put ketchup on a juicy steak. “Sorry, not a fan of the taste.”
“How do you function after that much sugar? I’d be passed out in class when the crash hit if I did that.” When Brandon was focused on scrambling a pan of eggs and veggies, Matt swiped my cup off the counter and took a sip. His eyes rolled back, and he made a face not unlike the exaggerated ecstasy porn stars made when they climaxed.
