Chase shook his head. He pulled his feet up to the seat of the chair, curling himself like a pill bug, with his face buried between his knees.Okay.“I can’t. Maybe someday, but I’m not ready yet. Can you accept that?”
“It’s not about accepting anything, Chase,” I explained to him. Fuck, I needed to get out of there because everything I did made the situation worse. “I want to be friends. Friends lean on one another. And if that dickhead made you feel like shit because of something you like, then fuck him.”
I stood, rubbing his back as I passed him. Maybe we’d both feel better after a couple of days apart. If I came back to our room and acted like this morning hadn’t happened, we could move along.
I balled up the sheets from Chase’s bed. He’d have to use the crappy school-issued ones for tonight, but he’d thank me later. He stared blankly at the wall for a drawn-out moment, then picked up a pencil and started tapping it against the edge of the desk as he went over his project. I didn’t say a word as I ducked out of the room.
* * *
“You seem distracted tonight,”Mom said as she sliced the meatloaf. Man, I must havereallylooked like hell today if she was pulling out the big guns. When she put a bowl of roasted potatoes and carrots on the table between us, I started to worry. This was herwe need to talkgo-to meal. It was what she’d made the night I finally came out to her. It was what we had the night she wanted to ask how I felt about her dating, when she’dneverhad a boyfriend that I could remember. “Is everything okay at school?”
“Yeah, it’s tougher this semester but that’s to be expected,” I said. She tapped her knife against the edge of the plate, waiting me out. I stared at her, wondering ifshewas the one who had something to say because I sure as fuck didn’t. “Oh, and I have a new roommate. I was hoping to have the room to myself but that was probably a bit optimistic.”
“Is he a friend of one of your suitemates?” Most of the suites in our building were people who had applied in groups or knew someone who was in the suites. That was also how our building got a reputation as party central, but there were some things parents didn’t need to know.
“No, he had an issue with his old roommate and housing decided to toss him in with me.” I stabbed a slice of meatloaf, lifting it onto my plate. It was for the best that Chase hadn’t come home with me if mom had something to talk to me about, but damn, I wanted to see the look on his face when he bit into this meal. I’d have to pack some up tonight and set it aside to take back with me.
“Are the two of you not getting along?” Mom asked. She seemed more content to watch me eat than bother dishing any up for herself.
“No, it’s nothing like that,” I assured her. I debated how much I should tell her. If she knew he was struggling, she’d want to take him under her wing, and I wasn’t sure how that would go over with him. At the same time, maybe he needed someone taking care of him for a change. From what he’d told me about his family, he’d been the caretaker to his younger siblings, which was part of why he’d applied to colleges across the country from them. They were easier to deal with from thousands of miles apart, he’d said.
“Then why the frown? It’s not going to be another Drake situation, is it?” Mom had loved Drake and she’d been pissed at him for wasting his potential.
“No, nothing like that. He might be more focused on school than I am,” I admitted. Mom’s eyes widened and she smiled, knowing that was a good thing. She’d hammered into me the need to get an education, whether college, trade school, or whatever was necessary to set myself up for a good life. I’d listened because, as much as I admired her drive when I was a kid, I didn’t want to struggle to make one payday meet the next. “I think he’s worried about trying to fit in. He barely leaves our room and when he does, it’s because I’m goading him into it.”
She frowned. “I can see how that would be worrisome. And I know you want to help him, Jayden, but you also need to remember not everyone wants to be helped.”
“I know that.” Mom scowled at me when I rested my elbow on the table to prop up my chin. I crossed my hands in front of me. “Sorry. I’m just… It’s stupid that I’m dwelling on this, but he seems like a really cool guy and I don’t want him holding himself back.”
“Just make sure you’re careful.”
The conversation faded as both of us focused on eating. The food settled like lead in my belly. I glanced up at her occasionally, waiting to see what bomb she was going to drop.
There wasn’t one, and that made me even more nervous. After we finished eating, I offered to clear the table and load the dishwasher. It was the least I could do since she’d cooked. I hadn’t planned on her using that as an opportunity to start my laundry.
“Um, Jayden,” Mom called out, concern dripping off the words. “Is there something you want to tell me?”
I froze, wondering what in the hell Mom had found in my wash. It couldn’t be the prostate massager. I’d used it a couple of days ago, but it was definitely washed and put away. My dildos were all in a secure footlocker at the end of my bed. I hadn’t used any of them since I’d gotten back to school because I didn’t want to freak out Chase. My collection of cock rings were collecting dust, since they weren’t fun to use without a partner.
Nope. Nothing sexual I could think of.
It’s safe to say an oversized pacifier was below the bottom of the list of things I’d expected her to have dangling from her finger when she entered the kitchen. I swallowed a few times, trying to convince myself that was actually what I was seeing. And where in the hell had it—
Oh shit.
I averted my gaze and pursed my lips while I tried coming up with a lie that wouldn’t throw my new roommate under the bus. No fucking wonder he was such a tangled ball of nerves.
“I think I can explain,” I said, although I still had no fucking clue how. Chase’s kinks weren’t mine to share with others, especially whenhehadn’t been the one to tell me.
It made more sense now, but I didn’t have the slightest clue how I was going to make him understand even this wouldn’t send me to housing screaming for a new roommate.
4
Chase
By the timeI finished pulling my bed and dresser away from the wall, flipped the mattress, and poked around in every inch of my bag before turning it inside out, I was convinced I would have no other choice than to pack my suitcases and figure out how to live on the streets until the end of the semester. I didn’twantto think about where my binkie might have gone, especially when the only possibility that remained was Jayden had inadvertently taken it with him when he’d pulled the sheets off my bed. I wanted to be angry with him, but that didn’t seem fair when he was only trying to be a good roommate.
I watched the clock at the bottom of my laptop screen. I hadn’t gotten anything done today, too obsessed with how things were going to play out when he got back from his mom’s house. Best case scenario, he’d pretend he knew nothing, and we could go about life as planned. Worst case? I’d be out on my backside. I really hoped it wasn’t the latter this time. I was starting to like Jayden, and I’d even gotten to know Matt and Brandon, the guys who shared the double next to us. They were nice. Matt was hyper all the time, and he’d knocked on the door at least half a dozen times today, wanting to know if Jayden was back from his mom’s yet. The last time, I’d gotten irritated with him and promised I would send Jayden over there once he got back.
