“You know Andrew and I will never let you off the hook when you deserve to be there. Like I said, I can’t go into details, but you need to know that Dom is more damaged than any of us realized until now. Well, I think Andrew had a clue, but even he seemed a bit dazed and confused once he got the full story. He’s going to need all of us for a while, and I truly believe that includes you.”
She swats my chest when I roll my eyes at her. “Stop it, right now. I’ve never been a huge believer in fate, but there’s a reason you two were on the same flight. And I think it’s apparent to anyone who knows either of you that you’re already deep in lust. Isn’t that why you made that ridiculous speech in the first place? If he was just some guy you hooked up with at a wedding, there wouldn’t have been a need for you to warn him about your planned change in attitude. The two of you would have walked in and hung out like it was no big deal.”
Had she said I’m falling in love with him, I would have challenged her statement. Not because I can’t see things going that way, but because that’s not possible. It’s too soon and the deck is solidly stacked against us. I’m a closet case and he refuses to even visit me there. He’s southwest and I’m northeast. And the fact that my mind draws a blank after those two reasons why wecan’twork out isn’t a sign that we’re meant to be together; it’s a flashing neon sign that we know nothing about one another.
“Oh, my God. You’re further gone than I thought,” Cara taunts. “It’s cute to see you realizing that you’re falling in love.”
I jump off the couch so fast Cara falls over. “That’s ridiculous!” I protest. “I’ve known the man for a week, not including the fact that he ran off three days after we met. Beyond the fact that he’s good in bed and he was cool enough to offer three strangers a ride from DC to New York, I know nothing about him.”
“First of all, eww. I don’t want to think about either of you naked, much less together,” she feigns disgust. “Second, I knew the night I met Andrew that he was the one I’d spend the rest of my life with. Sometimes, love doesn’t make sense. I think you finally found someone who makes you feel something more than horny and it scares the shit about you. And yes, I stand by the fact that I think you’re falling in love with him.”
We’re both silenced by the sound of the door closing. When we look up, we realize at the same moment that too much of Cara’s speech was overheard. Andrew’s entire body is tense and Dom’s busy looking everywhere except toward us. My heart aches at how tired he looks.
Before I realize what I’m doing, I’m across the room with my arms squeezing the life out of Dom. “I’m so sorry. I know you might not believe me, but I am. There is a huge list of reasons why I was an ass to you, but none of those change the fact that I was insensitive and should have been proud to have people in that room know that I’m crazy about you. It doesn’t make sense and it scares the hell out of me, but when you left, I realized that you matter to me. If you’ll give me one more chance, I promise I won’t waste it. Hell, I’ll take you to Christmas dinner tomorrow and tell everyone how you make me feel if it’s what you want.”
Dominic’s body becomes rigid, but he doesn’t push me away. Instead, he cautiously wraps his arms around my waist. We stand there together in silence until Andrew clears his throat behind us. “Tony, give the man a few minutes to breathe, would ya? And no, you’re not going to take him into the lions’ den tomorrow. I’ve already talk to my parents and he’ll spend the day with them until we get done with your family.”
“You know I’m capable of speaking for myself, right?” Dominic asks, still resting his head against my shoulder. He looks up and the pain behind his eyes nearly cripples me. “Tony, it wasn’t entirely your fault. You played a role, yes, but part of it was the fact that you saying what you did actually hurt me. I told myself that you’d be fun for a few nights and then I’d go home. I promised I wouldn’t hurt you because I didn’t think we’d feel anything for one another. And then, you told me that you were going to ignore me and you may as well have stabbed me. I can get upset with you for not wanting to face your parents, but the truth is we all have skeletons in our closet. Someday, I hope to tell you about mine. But for now, I’d settle for something to eat and a cup of coffee.”
I lead Dom to the couch and throw a blanket over his legs before heading to fulfill his simple request. While I’m alone in the kitchen, I lean against the counter, taking a few steadying breaths. I said too much, but I feel nothing but peace. Dom needs to realize that Cara was right. I’m falling in love with him. I don’t understand it and have no clue if it’ll last, but there it is. And he didn’t kick me in the balls and storm out again. That’s progress, as far as I’m concerned.
“Hey, you okay over there, Romeo?” Andrew’s deep voice makes me jump. When I look up, he’s shaking his head and it looks like he’s laughing at me. “If I’d known you had such a romantic side to you, I would have called you for advice when Cara was pissed at me and threatening to call off the wedding. But between us, you need to reel it in a bit. He’ll tell you what made him take off when he’s ready, but he’ll likely run again if you smother him.”
“So I can’t smother him, but I shouldn’t keep him at a distance. How’s a guy supposed to know what to do if everyone leaves me in the dark?” If this is what it’s like to want to be with someone, I’m almost glad I haven’t done it before. Perhaps there’s something to be said about casual fucks; there’s none of this freaking about what to do or say.
“Welcome to the world of love, young grasshopper,” Andrew laughs, patting me on the back. “It’s good to see some of this shit is universal, no matter who you fall for. Dom’s a good guy. Close your eyes and let your heart lead the way. Tears will come with the sadness, but joy will come, unasked.”
Lucky me, I’m temporarily living with Ann Landers and Master Po. Andrew is a peculiar and complex man, but his words strangely make sense to me.
I retreat to the spare room, giving Cara and Andrew time alone with Dominic. I’ve had my chance and said my piece. The next step has to be his. For once in my life, I’m going to do what’s best for someone else instead of thinking about my own needs first.
Chapter Twelve
Dom
The entire driveback to New York, I had to listen to Andrew beat it into my head that I can’t bottle everything up because it’ll eventually kill me. It was hard explaining to him that Brandon has always been this sacred, untouchable place in my mind. The only reason I talked to Jason and Deena about him is because they were there through the thick of it. They witnessed the good, the bad, and the tragic. Both of them were left with the same horrific images playing through their mind that woke me up screaming most nights. I didn’t have to tell them because they knew.
Even now, I’m not sure I want to rehash the entire story more than once, so I asked Andrew to invite his family over this evening. That way, I can share everything with everyone at the same time and we can move on with the holidays. After this one dinner, the Rossi family will officially know more about me than my own.
The only person left who might give a damn is Rachael, but I’ll deal with telling her later. Like me, she’s bailed on our family holiday in favor of more pleasant company. In her case, that means a ski trip to the mountains with some of her sorority sisters. I’d feel bad for my father, but he’s such a miserable cuss that I can’t muster any sympathy for him.
“Cara, I’m going to grab a nap before Gus and Mama get here. Can you make sure I’m up by about three-thirty?” The kitchen is already starting to smell amazing. Given the little I know about Tony and Cara’s family, I figure she’s been spending time with Mama because I can’t see Mrs. DeLuca standing in the kitchen for more than the few minutes it takes to criticize her personal chef.
“Sounds good. You may want to take our room since Tony’s staying in your old one right now.” I poke my head into the kitchen and laugh at the sight of Cara with her hair falling out of the ponytail she pulled it back in and spaghetti sauce splatter all over her frilly snowflake patterned apron.
“Thanks for the heads up. Make sure you keep some of that sauce in the pot otherwise we’ll have to go out for dinner. That wouldn’t be very daughterly of you,” I tease, ducking around the corner just in time to avoid getting hit by a flying wooden spoon.
The feeling I have as I walk through the pristine condo is much like the one I had when I was back at the cottage. The difference is that there’s the warmth of love filling the air when I’m with Andrew and Cara, where I was consumed by the painful reminders of a love lost in Newport. Either way, it’s a sensation I haven’t felt in the all years I’ve spent building a life in Phoenix.
It takes me almost a minute with my hand on the brushed chrome doorknob before I crack the door open. Once again, I find myself walking into a room where Tony’s sprawled out on the bed watching a primetime drama in syndication. “Can I come in?” I ask, one foot still planted in the hall in case I’m not welcome in his space.
“Of course.” Tony slides over on the bed, patting the mattress beside him. As much as I would love to lie next to him, savoring the warmth of his body, my heart still needs a bit of space. For all I know, he’ll decide that I’m too broken for him to waste even one day with. That’s a rejection I’m not sure I’m prepared to handle emotionally right now. Instead, I sit on the edge of the bed, one leg curled beneath me with the other hanging over the edge. This way, I can make a hasty escape at any moment. “Look, about earlier—”
I hold up my hand, unwilling to listen to him take back the words that would make anyone, male or female, melt just a little inside. “Please, let me say what I need to and then you can take a turn.”
Tony reaches behind me for the remote, muting the television. “I owe you an explanation about why I freaked out Sunday morning. And if I don’t say this now, you’re going to find out at the same time as Andrew’s family and that’s not right.”
“Please, do whatever’s easiest for you,” Tony offers. He slides closer to me, gingerly placing his hand on my thigh. When he tries to pull away, I wrap my fingers around his to show that I still want him close to me. “If you’d prefer to wait, I’m okay with that. The only thing I care about is that you’re willing to talk to me. It’s fucked up beyond belief, but when I thought you’d left for good, it killed me a little bit inside. I wanted to run after you and fall to my knees right then, but you asked for space and I had to respect that after being such a world-class asshole.”
