Andrew lets go of me and starts slamming cupboard doors in the kitchen. Finding what he’s looking for, he starts a pot of coffee and pulls the box of leftover pizza out of the fridge. “I put a tracking app on your phone before you moved to Phoenix, you stupid asshole.”
He what?
“Don’t get your knickers in a twist. I did it because you were talking about wanting to go camping in the desert and all sorts of other shit and I was worried about you.” He shoves half a slice in his mouth and pauses long enough to chew. “Little did I know I’d need it to track your ass to Rhode Island. What happened to make you come up here, Dom?”
Now that his initial panic is easing, I begin to relax. Andrew walks through the cottage, taking in the place I didn’t think he knew existed. How could he? I’ve tried to keep this part of my life secluded from everything else. “I don’t want to talk about it. I’m sorry I worried you so much that you drove all the way up here, but I’m a big boy. I didn’t think I had to clear my plans with you.”
I’m acting like a petulant child and I know it, but I can’t help myself. I’ve done too much talking about the past with people who understand, I’m not about to have to start at the very beginning with Andrew. Plus, then I’d have to tell him why I never told him about Brandon before. Or why Tony’s words were a trigger the other day.
Jason and I have spent a lot of time talking since I got here and it’s actually helping. He has a knack for being my friend when I need him to be and being the therapist I swore I didn’t need at other times. He’s the one who figured out that it wasn’t even the fact that Tony warned me he was going to ignore me that made me snap, it was my feelings for him. The thought of him ever coming out to his parents for me scared the shit out of me. Only one man has ever done that, and four days later I lost him forever. Four amazing days of thinking we’d be together forever. And I suppose we were, at least for Brandon.
“That’s too fucking bad, Dom. If you’d picked up the phone and told me you were alive, I would have given you space. But you decided to ignore me, Cara, and even your dad. By the way, you should probably call him and tell him you’re not dead in a ditch somewhere because he’s scared shitless right now.” I highly doubt that, but figure it’d be unwise to say as much with the mood Andrew’s in right now.
Andrew walks into the living room and folds himself into a too-small occasional chair. “The fact that you’re ignoring everyone tells me this isn’t about Tony. Now, I’m smarter than you think and I’m pretty sure I know what’s going on, but I want to hear it from you. We’ve been friends for a hell of a long time, and I think it’s time that you start being honest with me.”
“Yeah? You think you know what’s going on in my fucked up head?” My teeth are clenched so tight that my jaw is starting to ache. “Tell me, big shot, why am I here, avoiding everyone?”
“Brandon.” With one word, Andrew’s able to drop me to the ground. He knows.
“How?” I ask, so quietly I’m not sure he hears me. Andrew moves to sit next to me on the ground and I fall into his arms. As nice as it is to have people who care about me, I’m getting tired of everyone feeling like I’ll fall apart if they don’t hold the pieces of me. Then again, is it their perception or reality, when my knees keep buckling under me?
“Dom, you lived with me for how long? You had nightmares for a long time, but I never asked you about them. I figured that you’d tell me when you were ready.” Andrew shifts so his back is against the couch. “And one time when Jason couldn’t get in touch with you because you were out exploring the world or whatever, he called the office because there was a problem with the roof and he was trying to get authorization for the repairs. That was when I found out about this place. He didn’t tell me much, but enough that I was able to put the pieces together.
“Want to tell me about him?” Andrew prods, squeezing my shoulder affectionately. I shake my head, but quickly find myself telling him the entire story from the moment I met Brandon at wrestling camp to the day he died.
“The worst part was not being able to say goodbye to him,” I sob, grateful that Andrew won’t judge me for this moment of weakness. “His parents were furious when Jason called them because I was inconsolable. They blamed both of us for turning Brandon gay. Later, they turned every ounce of hatred toward me because they couldn’t hate Jason; he was practically family because their dads were such good friends.”
“Fuck, D. I wish you hadn’t kept all of this from me,” Andrew says softly. The sun is peeking over the horizon and we fill our mugs to share a sunrise dedicated to putting the past to rest and moving forward.
* * *
Tony
Andrew’s with Dom.He’s safe. Get your butt back here so I can fill you in before they get back.
While not as pleasant as waking up to Dom drooling on my chest, I spring out of bed racing to make it to the train station. If he was refusing to see me, Caroline likely would have let me rot in Kennedy’s apartment. Dahlia’s already awake and making breakfast when I sprint toward the door.
“Good morning to you too, asshole.” I turn on my heel, spinning her around the kitchen. I’m probably getting a bit ahead of myself, but I can’t help but be optimistic that I’ll go to bed tonight with a bit of clarity I don’t have right now. I’ll probably be alone, and there’s at least a fifty-fifty chance I’ll have a black eye for Christmas morning, but I won’t be wondering what I did that was so horrible.
“Itisa good morning!” I kiss Dahlia on the lips, earning me a swat on the ass. “Thanks for setting me straight last night. Caroline texted me and Dom’s headed back to their place right now. I swear, D, if he’ll give me a chance, I’m not going to screw this up. Even if we’re never together, I think he’s a great guy and I want to be friends with him.”
Dahlia flinches at my words. “Ouch! One last piece of advice before you head out…don’t use the ‘friends’ bit on him. Grovel, kiss his ass, do whatever he demands and leave it at that. If you wind up friends, that’s great. But if you two were put in one another’s paths for a reason, geography won’t mean shit, and then the friends line will just be salt in his gaping wounds.”
The walk to the train station is bitterly cold, but it gives me time to think about everything Dahlia’s said. Regardless of what may or may not happen with Dom, it’s time for me to tell my parents that I’m never going to marry Kennedy, or any woman for that matter. Then, it’s up to them to accept it or not. If they won’t, I’ll have to rest with the knowledge that I will always have Caroline and Andrew and they’ve proven that they love me even when I’m stupid.
When I walked into Ray’s, I fully expected Dahlia and Kennedy to tell me everything would be okay, the way they’ve been doing for a long time. The moment Dahlia unleashed every ounce of anger and bitterness she’d been holding back, I couldn’t be upset with her. Every word she spoke was the truth and I had it, and more, coming to me.
My stomach grumbles when I walk into Caroline’s and smell fresh baked banana bread. I was in such a rush to get home this morning that I never bothered grabbing something to eat. “Don’t even think about it,” Caroline warns when I reach for a knife. “That’s for Dom and Andrew. There are bagels on the counter, grab one of those. I’ll take mine toasted and then you can sit your butt down on the couch. I’ll be out in a few.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Any other day, I’d give her a hard time for bossing me around like she’s my mother, but I figure I’m lucky she even called me so I don’t press my luck. I toast two bagels, fill a huge mug of coffee and head for the living room.
Caroline steps out of the bedroom dressed more casually than I realized possible. The fact that she’s not perfectly put together and looks ready to just chill at the house all day helps put me at ease. It’s a subtle reminder that she’s not like the rest of our family. She might be used to having to save my hide when I get into trouble, but she doesn’t use my mistakes against me for the rest of my life. And this morning, she’s not Caroline DeLuca-Rossi, budding socialite; she’s Cara Rossi, one of a million young women making her way in New York City. And I’m blessed to call her my big sister.
“Okay, so here’s the deal,” she starts in before she’s even sitting. “You’re a very small part of what happened with Dom. It’s not my story to tell, so you’ll have to earn his trust to get all of it. But you can’t beat yourself up and think it’s all on you. Right about now, I’m just as pissed at Dom as I am at you.”
“Cara, he didn’t do anything wrong. He gave me a second chance and I let him down. It’s sweet of you to stick up for me, but if I wasn’t so worried about what Mom and Dad are going to say when they find out I’m gay, he wouldn’t have left.” Before I’m through berating myself, Cara sits next to me, laying her head on my shoulder.
“Bobo, I know you think you’re a disappointment to everyone, but that’s not the case.” It’s probably been fifteen years since she called me by that nickname. That tells me just how much she’s speaking from her heart right now. It also makes me wonder how the two of us turned out so normal when our parents are so uptight and hung up on appearances and social standing, but that’s beside the point. If not for the fact that we both look like our parents, I’d swear that we were adopted and no one ever bothered to tell us.
