Maybe I shouldn’t care. Dom and I had one night of amazing sex, nothing more, but I’m sitting here acting like we were a couple in a committed relationship with the amount of guilt I feel over upsetting him. Regardless of what I should feel, the weight of my words is like a vice on my heart and that’s the biggest bitch of all.
“Know a good way for me to kick my own ass without falling over?” I mumble. Dahlia sets two drinks and a shot glass in front of me and pours herself a matching shot. We tip back the shots and she comes around the side of the bar to give me a hug. She’s the first person I’ve allowed to comfort me in this whole fucked up situation. My sister has tried, but it’s not the same. She’s too close to both of us and I pull away from her to avoid feeling even worse.
“That boy really has you messed up, huh?” she asks, sitting on the stool next to me. “Let me guess, you two had fun, but now he’s gone and you miss him?”
“I wish. More like I fucked up, he ran away and I’m the idiot sitting here trying to figure out how to fix it. Not that I can do that if he doesn’t come back here, which is a real possibility at this point.” She leans over the bar to pour herself a glass of soda and settles back on her stool, motioning for me to continue. “I really like him, Dahlia. And that’s insane because it’d never work between us. I just got hired on full-time after trying for two years and he has a business in Arizona that he can’t walk away from. Not to mention the fact that Andrew’s family is fiercely protective of him. I know they wouldn’t let me hurt him again like I did Sunday morning, but I don’t see any way around that with everything we have stacked against us.”
“Why don’t you start by telling me what you fucked up? I’ll be done here in about an hour and you’re coming out to stay with us tonight.” Dahlia’s not offering me a place to crash, she’s forcing me to invert my penis and turn into a chick for the night. Guys don’t talk willingly, but now that I’ve taken the lid off this particular box, she’s going to dig around until she gets the answers she needs. She’s exactly like Kennedy that way and I’m going to have to deal with both of them tonight. “Does Ken know what you did that’s so horrific? I swear, if that bitch is suddenly keeping secrets from me, I’m going to strap on the Punisher tonight.” I make fake gagging noises at the thought of having to hear about what they do in the privacy of their own home and she busts out laughing.
“Seriously, don’t talk about that shit with me.” I shudder, hating the fact that I can’t stop wondering what in the hell a ‘Punisher’ is. I have a pretty good clue, based on the evil grin on Dahlia’s face, and I seriously don’t want to think about two of my closest friends doingthat.
“I got you to think about something else for fifteen seconds,” Dahlia quips. She kisses me on the cheek and gets back to work wiping down the bar as we talk. “But don’t think you’re not going to tell me what you did this time. I swear having you around is like having all the idiocy that goes along with men without any of the benefits of a stiff dick.”
“So why not go find yourself a man so you get the full experience?” I retort.
Dahlia leans over the bar as if she’s about to share the meaning of life. “Because there are ways around wanting a cock from time to time, but there’s no avoiding stupid.” She kisses my cheek and turns back to the customers beginning to stream into the bar.
* * *
Kennedy doesn’t looksurprised to see me walk through the door with Dahlia. After greeting her girlfriend with a kiss so hot that it probably leaves them both wishing they had some privacy, she gives me a quick hug, cuffing the back of my head.
“Ow, you vile wench! That hurt,” I whine, rubbing the back of my scalp. I’m not lying, either. When she means business, Kennedy doesn’t pull her punches.
“Quit being an idiot and I won’t have to hit you,” she points out. “Go, make yourself comfortable. You have about three minutes to figure out what you have to say for yourself.”
When the girls settle on the couch across from me, I relay every detail from the amazing wake-up call to the elevator ride, and finally the moment I watched him walk out of the hotel. That was the last time anyone heard from him. Kennedy shakes her head while Dahlia glares daggers at me. I don’t know him well enough to say for sure, but I think Dominic and Dahlia are a lot alike in some ways. Both of them are out and proud, while Kennedy is keeping me company in the closet under the stairs. It’s dark and cramped, but it’s become home to us over the years. Kennedy seems to understand what I was trying to say to Dom, while Dahlia is acting like I’m the biggest asshole in history.
“Well, if he’s gone, I think you need to learn from this and move on. You’re not doing anyone any good by wishing it were different.” Kennedy walks to her bedroom, closing the door behind her. When she’s still not back almost ten minutes later, I figure this trip was pointless. Kennedy’s pissed at me, Dahlia’s not saying a word, and I feel even worse than I did before. I stand, figuring there’s still time for me to catch the train back to the city.
I’m almost to the front door when Dahlia speaks. “You two are both idiots, you know that?” I turn to see all five-feet two-inches of her stalking toward me, her hazel eyes almost glowing with anger. “You’re both so fucking comfortable with how your lives are because you can always fall back on one another. I can’t say I blame Dom for leaving your sorry ass behind. I know what it feels like to be the secret and it’s not pleasant. Every time she gets dressed up in her hetero-best to put on a show for your family or hers, I die a little inside. I wonder if the good times we have are worth it if she can’t share me with the people who claim to love her unconditionally.
“Do any of you even know what that word means?” Dahlia’s arms are crossed so tightly over her chest I wonder if it’s possible to cut off circulation with a self bear hug. “It means your family accepts you for who you are, whether they like it or not. It means not having to lie and hide and hurt the one you claim to love more than life itself because your family won’t accept it. The fact that you thought so little of Dom that you spelled it all out like that, you’re lucky your nuts are still attached to your body because I would have ripped them off and made sure you watched me toss them down the trash compactor. Jesus, Tony! Kennedy is right. You need to learn from this because if you think the next guy is going to react any differently to your bullshit, you’re dead fucking wrong.”
Over the top of Dahlia’s head, I can see Kennedy leaning against the wall at the end of the hallway, listening to every word her girlfriend is saying. Her face is lined with mascara tracks as tears trickle down her cheeks. “D, I’m so, so sorry,” she apologizes, rushing to comfort her girlfriend. “I never knew you felt that way. If I did, I would have--”
“Don’t,” Dahlia barks, pulling Kennedy’s hands away from her body. “I don’t want to hear you say that you would have stood up to them because I know you won’t until you’re ready. Besides, tonight isn’t about us. Tonight’s about Tony’s stupid ass.
“Tony, I love you like a brother, which is why I’m going to say this to you. You can decide if you love or hate me for it later. What you did to Dominic was unforgivable. I’ve only met him once, but I can tell he’s a good person with so much love to give the right man it makes me jealous. You don’t fucking deserve him. At the same time, I’m not so sure this has anything to do with you.”
I try to disagree with Dahlia, but her hand clamps down on my mouth so no one can understand me. “Okay, so it hassomethingto do with you, but I think you’re being a bit conceited to think you’re so amazing in the sack that Dom would bail on his best friend. Maybe this is destiny’s way of throwing your ass a dose of wake-the-fuck-up. Both of you.” She turns to look at Kennedy, who seems to be just as affected by her lecture as I am and then walks over to the couch. “Now, I’m going to watch a movie. Join me or don’t, I don’t give a fuck right about now.”
I settle into the middle cushion on the couch and Kennedy curls into one side while Dahlia takes the other. No more is said about how stupid Kennedy and I are or how we hurt those around us. We choose to ignore the pain by watching a campy B movie with horrible acting and even worse special effects.
As the credits roll, I wiggle my way out from between two sleeping women and sneak to the spare bedroom. I drift off to sleep, promising whatever god is watching over me that I will do everything in my power to never hurt anyone again in exchange for Dom getting in touch with someone.
Chapter Eleven
Dom
“Go away,”I mumble, pulling the covers over my head. The pounding on the door continues. Looking out the bedroom window, I’m jolted awake when I see that it’s still dark.Who the hell is here at…damn, it’s only four in the morning.
“Dominic, open the mother fucking door. I know you’re in there.”Andrew? How in the hell did he find me?
“Just a minute,” I yell, reaching for the first pair of pants I can find, buttoning and zipping them as I pad down the hallway to the back door. “What’s wrong?” I ask. Andrew shoves the door open and pushes me back against the wall.
“You disappear for three days, don’t answer your phone when it’s ringing off the hook and you have the balls to askmewhat’s wrong?” Andrew seethes. I struggle in his grasp, but he’s a hell of a lot stronger than I am. My body stiffens, preparing for him to punch me. I deserve it, so I won’t fight back when it comes. “And as if that’s not enough, I should be at home in bed making love to my new wife, but instead, I’m making a middle of the night road trip to find out if you’re dead in a pool of your own vomit up here. Jesus, Dom! What were you thinking?”
“How did you find me?” I ask, overcome with the fact that he actually worried about me but not wanting to talk to him about this. Tony’s his family now and I’m not going to pull him into our mess. Besides, I’m starting to realize that Tony may have been the catalyst for my little breakdown, but it really has nothing to do with him.
